How do you feel, How do I feel
by Kammyh
Summary: A new plan is up to get Kai and not just him. What about Yuri? Mirrors of each other, how can Yuri and Kai relate with the existent reality?YuriKai aka TalaKai plus BorisRei aka BryRei CHAPPY 19 UP
1. Coming home

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. If someone doesn't believe me ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language and I'm not perfect, so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

Chapter one: Coming home

... phones, mobile phones, microphones and all that technological stuff

-...- talking

"..." thinking

... movements

-Kai! Kai! You are come back! We are so happy to see you with us again!!

Max was jumping around his friend laughing, he took his hands and brought with him the slate haired boy, who seemed really disappointed by all that going around. Seemed, because deep inside himself he loved feeling the lovely and carefree sympathy of his teammates.

Rei was almost crying holding his friend in a relieving embrace. Some tears of joy dropped out from his half closed golden orbs. Kai's face softened at the genuine boy way to acting and he felt necessary repay with one of his rare smile his friends trusting.

-We were just about to think you would have abandoned us!! You can't even know how worried we were to lose you. Please don't leave again, we are your team, your friends. Whatever it happens.

Kai caressed the raven haired head below his chin in a way that would have surprised even Rei himself if he wasn't so busy in crying. The Chinese boy was almost the only one who was never astonished by the rare signs of emotions or tenderness Kai was capable of.

-Don't worry guys I will not escape right now, so just start thinking about our next match with the enemies.

The half Russian boy moved his glare away from the raven haired blader in order to see completely the room, as he felt Rei releasing him from his grip. His red eyes stopped on Takao's form knelt down crying profusely...for the joy, lost in his own alternate universe of glorious battle all together against the whole world. All together. His naïve reaction to his coming back gained a small thankful smile too.

Kenny was there around writing joyfully something on his laptop. Sure he cared about him, but they had had a little talk before. He was the first welcoming him as he was dying to revealed the slate haired that he had never shifted his data from friend to enemy on his laptop. Even if it seemed distant sometimes, he was really a good comrade.

It was all perfect, just one thing was missed. Maybe a strange feeling forgotten on the way home.

But Kai couldn't know.

He couldn't remember.

He wouldn't remember...maybe...

TBC

Yuri: Short and sad one. And I'm still not in.

Kai: What I've forgotten about? Have I? Have I not?

Kamsmiling sadistically just like Sesshomaru: You two are supposed to be happy for this.

Kai&Yuri: Ehm...Give her feed back, so she will not kill us!


	2. Just a problem

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. If someone doesn't believe me ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language and I'm not perfect, so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

SPECIAL THANKS:

To MasterFranny: Kammyh breathing heavily Mas...Master...MY GOSH!!! Master I'm your slave, please tech me the 'Way to the

paradise' (well, it is a Saiyuki's song, but I'm a little 'out-of-myself')!!!!!! I really LOVE your stories, but just tell you 'GREAT!' don't seem enough... yes, I'm trying to corrupt you, but I can't help it. I've tried my best to develop the things right, hope you like the way I've chosen. Big pack of 'Pechenye Domashnee' (Homemade Cookies) to you! I'm pretty good in making them!!

Chapter two: Just another problem

... phones, mobile phones, microphones and all that technological stuff

-...- talking

"..." thinking

... movements

Vorkov abbey

All was destroyed, but at least nothing was burning anymore. The violet haired man kept looking at the big mess the number one of his perfect guys had made, clenching his fists at the memory and sending the slate haired boy lots of not-so-nice words. He was so busy cursing about the last events that he also forgot to clean his face from the dark dust it was all covered of.

All around him guards were running everywhere: someone with buckets, someone with different technologic stuff to repair the computers of the abbey. He barely heard a noise of steps from behind which stopped just in front of the door. This was fiercely open and then appeared behind it an extremely shocked Ivan.

The small boy stopped and waited for the director to give him the authorization to talk. He stood there with his mouth open and tried to catch his breath back. Just few seconds passed before Vorkov turned to the small red eyed boy and shouted at him.

-What are you doing here, Ivan! Don't you see we have a lot of things to care about!

Vorkov's ear-piercing voice scared Ivan to die and he had to remember the urgency of the situation he was in to not run back to his feet. Instead he took a deep breath and tried to make his voice colder in order to froze his own feelings too.

-Sir, now you have another one. Yuri has been raped. He is lying unconscious in his room. We found him in the training room and then we brought him there. He is pretty messy and...

Vorkov gave an exasperated glare at the young and still shocked blader who was actually breathing out every word, like he was near to break up and burst in tears. Maybe he would end up in this way if the director didn't cut him off.

-Another problem! It's really too much in just few days! You guys care about he is on his feet for the match with the BladeBreakers, it doesn't matter how. You could use something to clean is mind, or make him use Black Dranzer and hope it has on him the same side effects as it did for Kai, I don't care. Now go! I don't want hear anything about this idiocies anymore.

Idiocies. Ivan stared at Vorkov's attitude few seconds more and then he slowly left. That man had their lives in his hands and he cared nothing about it. The red eyed teen entered Yuri's room and found Boris and Sergey looking hopefully at him.

-What has he said?

The lilac haired boy went nearer him and stared at his teammate's glare, but Ivan's fading expression revealed him the truth, and his eyes fell down to the floor too. Now they were alone, they could show their real self, their real feelings. And they felt distressed. Unbearably distressed. But again, not just that. Anger.

In Ivan's mind were still fresh Vorkov's imagine and his harsh words. Unconsciously he clenched his fists and his teeth. His words were just a hiss, more like the one of a snake than a human voice.

-He cares about nothing but Yuri is ok enough to battle the BladeBreakers in the finals. We could also kill him if it works out.

Ivan's words made the other two sigh and sat down on the seats they abandoned when their friend went in. Ivan's anger was right, but to hear Yuri's irregular breath frozen all their feelings. They were just useless. They could neither do something for their captain or do what Vorkov asked them. The team that was supposed to triumph over the whole world couldn't do a thing.

And no one cared about this. They were still supposed to conquer, destroy, be the number one. And now the number one of the team number one lied down, relaxed just thanks to the sedatives they gave him. He was going to wake up crying and screaming and still Vorkov... Just Sergey forced a half smile.

-Well he is caring about us in a certain way. He cares about nothing and nothing we are to him.

The blonde blader shocked his head just after he finished his speak so some bright forelocks fell down on his eyes hiding them. And the tears which were arising at their corner. He looked at his side, where his sleeping companion was.

He seemed just to sleep peacefully right now, but they all knew it wasn't long time he was that way. By the time they brought back Yuri in his room he cried and wrapped himself between the sheets almost three times asking someone to stop. And it was only fifteen minutes ago. His reddish cheeks were still wet, the long hair spread all over the white pillow, the breath was almost a constant sigh. This right now.

His untidy and ripped clots discarded all around him. The sticky white substance, which covered the pale skin. Violet areas, which contrasted with the whiteness of the untouched parts of his body...but no blood. Just some crimson droops near the red mark on his neck. Nothing more. Had someone stopped the raper? If it was that way, why hadn't it helped Yuri? Was the raper itself who had enough courage to break the cold captain of the DemolitionBoys but also enough pity to not hurt him badly...physically at least? Yuri still wore his boxers. Was it the raper still?

-Go out talking,- added the blue eyed blader -Yuri needs nothing but sleep.

The three boys exited and stopped near the wall of the redhead's room. The smaller boy turned at his friends seriously. The anger still hadn't let him go and he was ready to confront also his own teammates if one of them had dared to touch the red head. Every time someone tried to make the tough one in front of Ivan, it was Yuri who appeared from nowhere and just with his stare froze the bully. Now it was time to repay the favour.

-Well, make the point now. Who is at same level Yuri is?

The question gained a proud glare from both the other two bladers. The blond one was the first talking.

-'Course, just us. The almighty DemolitionBoys. I can guess what you want gain from this, but I want you to remember I was with you all the time before we find him. Training in a room full of bladers. So the last one in our list is just our sadistic Boris.

Two pair of orbs of different colours, one red, blue the other, stared at the lilac haired one, waiting for an answer. Boris just stared still, showing no emotions.

-I'm sorry guys, I was training by myself and don't have any test. Anyway our cap could be really pretty, but I don't like boys, I'm sorry. The only things I've shared with a male are the infamous Russian kisses almost every time I met someone, but you all do the same without thinking about something more than friendship, don't you? 1

Yeah. That was another little secret of the DemolitionBoys: to be very open between each other and with all the new people they meet when they get a chance. What would happen to them if Vorkov discover his demolition boys could be cheerful? Ivan froze. Boris got a point. He was their friend. Their captain's friend.

-Well, I suppose he is trusting, but then we have finished the Demolition boys.

They all looked at each other and then down to the floor, starting questioning also themselves. Maybe some spirits had taken their body...or maybe the point was still the Ivan's one. Suddenly Sergey looked up to met his friends' still puzzled look.

-We haven't finished the Demolition boys! We forget Kai. And he is changed a lot from when we where child.

-Sure, you remember how he addressed us before the match against the Chinese guys?

Ivan seemed to have found the perfect object for his rage and his eyes lighten up thinking about thousands of different ways to kill the slate haired teen. His determination worried also Boris who still tried to act like the cold one. Sergey was one year his senior, but he knew that if someone gave the blonde the right situation he could put up a real mess following just his heart. And Ivan could be that person. 'Think about Yuri first', it was his imperative for now.

-Sergey, Ivan. The best thing to do is wait Yuri open his eyes. I'll look above him, in the meantime you go practicing. If we lost tomorrow we will lay in bed just like our captain does. See you later.

1 Please Russians don't be mad at me!! I know it is just a 'common place', but it is so nice express feelings in a so genuine way like a kiss...well I couldn't help like this little idea about Russia!! Maybe it was long time ago, maybe it is just few people that do this, but it doesn't mean that child so traumatized like what I'm writing about aren't used to it. Russian readers are allowed to send flames, anyway I offer my sorry yet.

Yuri: Longer one, but I haven't said a word yet.

Kai: Lucky you, I wasn't in and in the other chapter I said just few words.

Kam: You shameless! Last chappy was almost all your point of view!

Yuri: What about me?! Why you have made me this?!

Kam: Actually a lot of people made a lot of different people rape Kai. I was wondering 'what if'...so here you are! The question is: Who it was? Was it Boris? Was it Kai? Did Yuri do it by himself?

Boris&Yuri&Kai: HEY!! Anyway: feedback, please. Maybe in this way next time we will talk a little more!

Kam: Who said?

Yuri&Kai: ...TBC

If someone needs a little 'dictionary' here you are:

Yuri Tala Ivan Ian Vorkov Boris

Boris Bryan Takao Tyson Hito Voltaire

Sergey Spencer Rei Ray Prof K is the chief or Kenny


	3. All my pain because of you

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. If someone doesn't believe me ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language and I'm not perfect, so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

SPECIAL THANKS:

To Phyrefly: Where it goes? Well, not too far in my opinion. Yeah, I'm really a negative person!!! Anyway I'm doing my best to build up a decent fiction, REALLY hope you like it. About the vocabulary: well, I had a hard time the first time I read BeyBlade fictions with the English names, so I kept it in mind writing mine!! YOU MADE MY DAY reviewing me, just...ehm...well...what is a quotation? Do you mean quotation marks? I mean, this ones: "..." ? Anyway I've got a GREAT opinion of you as a WRITER so: I'll do as you wish my captain! Seriously: thanks a lot for your suggestion, I'll keep it in mind for the future chappies.

To MasterFranny: Thanks to review my miserable chappy, wish it were really that great. Beside, I like a lot your writing, so why don't be overexcited about your reviewing?

Chapter three: All my pain because of you

The three guys separated, Sergey and Ivan to the training room, Boris back to the red head's room. He closed the door behind him, but when his head arose to look at the bed, he met just two sad cerulean eyes staring at him, which erased all his intention to move on. Yuri was sat down on the white surface, half covered with the white sheets. The red head passion for the candid colour now seemed pretty inappropriate, especially since the only things that weren't white in that room were his sky eyes and the flaming hair made brighter by the comparison.

Boris could do nothing but staring at him. His captain appeared having no emotions, no feelings, just a sort of sadness surrounded his thin body like a dark aura. On his bare chest were shown the scars of his abuse, not just the last one, but also all the wounds received by Vorkov, Hito, the guards and who knows how many other people. No one of them, anyway, went that far with him. Even if they wanted it badly, for sure.

That skinny chest couldn't be the one of a sixteen years old teen. It looked more like a battlefield...and still was really attractive. Even on a hetero guy's point of view. The random stream of thoughts stopped suddenly. A faked cheerful voice reached the ears of the lilac haired boy revealing him the material presence of the pale form in front of him.

-Hey, Boris.

Yuri forced a small smile, but it faded in a while. Boris started making his way back out of the room, but he stopped when he saw his friend looking at him in pure shock. The young captain fear was plainly perceptible despite all the distance between them.

-Where are you going, Boris?! Please, don't let me alone!

The broken voice was almost hysterical, but still barely audible. The lilac eyed blader was caught off guard by the red head behaviour and needed few seconds to decide what to do. Yuri was cold, arrogant and so proud of himself and his ability to do whatever he needed alone, that he would never ask something to anyone. Neither help with his bey nor some gel for his hair. All alone. He would find out an extremely intricate plan just to not have to ask for help, but now he lowered himself at the common human being level to have some company.

Boris has never asked for company himself or offered it to anyone, but long time ago it was different. Also Yuri was different. The point was just that: the young captain may have shaped his little childish obsession to make the big independent boy, but was still the little child he met years before, totally dependent by his friends...and Kai.

When Kai was with them they were all five best friends. Maybe he could still remember how made the good friend character. The lilac eyed teen tried to soften his voice in order to calm down his still shivering captain, but was the words to say the most difficult point. What if he chose the wrong acts or words? Was the best choice made the tough guy, as always, so he would find a little bit of normality in the world, which betrayed him? Was it the idea of put up a little joke to cherry him up? Maybe play the good mama and let him cry out his despair? Better take a big breath and try something.

-Don't worry, cap. I just wanted call back Sergey and Ivan. We were all worried about you. We can't be considered the best of the friends, but we all care a lot about you.

Boris relaxed visibly: Yuri calmed down a little bit, but the total distress showed by those azure pools was enough to made the lilac haired boy change his mind about search help for himself, so he walked near Yuri. He seated down on the small bed and faced his friend trying to smile at him, not totally sure about anything to say and smiling sweetly at him.

-I'll call them lately. I hope you need someone to talk to, people says it helps more often than not...So, how do you feel?

The red haired boy lowered his head and looked down at his own hands like they were the one of a stranger. His bangs hided his teammate's lilac eyes from his view, so speak seemed simpler. The problem was 'How do I feel?'. Besides, 'How SHOULD I feel?'. Things were so confused...had he an answer to those questions? It really existed?

-I don't know. I just don't feel. I don't know how to feel. It's...it's just emptiness, I think. Don't really know how to call it.

The young blader started sobbing, just to gain a pitiful look from his teammate, which took away every remains of pride he still had. The lavender haired blader cursed himself in all the language he knew and thought about an emergency plan to stop his friend watering. He laid a hand on his captain's shoulder trying to make him more open to him, but just got the red haired crying more. Wrong action. Another. Ok, we are playing, let's play.

-Is that for what was done to you? I mean, it must be a man to catch the best blader here, without anyone knowing and...I'm...I'm really sorry, I don't know what to say.

A lovingly tried smile comforted him. This worked at least, but why? What was in that little red head? Maybe Yuri wanted thanks his friend for his caring, but if the Russian blader have such a problem and he need someone's help, then he would never caring about someone else. That was the only thing to be sure about. Maybe his interest on his captain's situation was enough to give the blader some relief, or he enjoyed the rape... or it was just the peace before the war...

-Don't worry, I appreciate the feeling. Anyway the point isn't that it was a man, but who it was. I mean...if just he had asked I would have been at his knees in a second...he wasn't himself...he wouldn't have done that if he were...I...I...

Yuri's voice was the only thing that took the lilac eyed teen back to the real world.

The sky eyed blader was lost in crying. Boris just looked to the paled figure of his captain shocked by something he had never seen in Yuri. Sure, all of them knew their captain's preferences when it comes to love, but the stoic Russian have never wanted to talk about such 'meaningless' things such as Love... and now he was crying for Him.

Deep inside himself Boris knew that what was done to the sky eyed was worst than just a rape. That was enough to make him feel bad for some hours, but than revenge would have discarded even the psychological pain. No person in world could do that, but this was the almighty Yuri we were talking about. There was an answer now, at least for the lilac haired teen.

-Was it Kai?

Sky eyes widened, but no word escaped from the half open mouth. It was the small trembling of Yuri's slight body that answered at the violet haired. Now, time to prove his second point. Better be sure about such type of things, even if it could destroy the pale boy in font of him.

-Do you love him?

Another silence that had to be taken as an affirmation and another sword in Yuri's heart. Boris's face softened even more seeing the suffering of his friend. He took his face between his hands and made him look in front of him, straight in his eyes. No wonder why the red haired captain was so out of himself being raped by the person that was supposed to protect him...and promised to do that. But Kai betrayed not just the red head, but all of them and he himself. Yuri took it too bad, so he had no chance to handle the problem alone. He needed someone else who knew what was better for him and that made it. He, Sergey and Ivan had the rights and the obligation to do that, since they promised too.

-Don't worry, we are your friends and we will be here for you forever. Now smile me, please. There's no reason for you to blame yourself, you did nothing wrong and this is a good point on your path.

Yuri just shocked his head and for the first time he looked straight in his friend's lilac orbs.

-It isn't. Because I felt a sort of...like it. Actually I liked it a lot, and this change the assignation of the points. If just it was...love. He wanted just my body, maybe not even mine, just one...

The cerulean eyes didn't stop their watering for all the time the red head tried to talk. The azure of Yuri's eyes was another time just a dream for the violet haired, who saw the red head lowering slowly during all the speaking 'till the red hair completely covered it and the million of tears the young teen was crying. That didn't distress Boris a bit. This time was sure to have the right thing to make the master of the ice happy and came back in full force.

-Don't think about it. We'll make him pay for this, don't worry.

Yuri's eyes lightened in shock and fear as he freed himself from the other Russian's hands and dragged the lilac eyed nearer him with his owns taking him by the shoulders. The sky eyes were fixed on the lavender ones another time, but this time there was another feeling burning in them. The 'soft' sadness was put aside by an almost irrational determination.

-Please don't!! Please. I want revenge, sure, but against the right thing. Listen, I don't want to defend Kai without reasons, but he really isn't the one we have to punish. It was Black Dranzer. It's all its fault. Kai is innocent, maybe now he doesn't remember anything. Moreover...I can't live without him...

Boris stared at his friend in shock. Yuri still loved the traitor of the abbey, the traitor of their team, the traitor of their promise. Just because they were all children it didn't mean they could forget about that. And let that traitor go away without a word wasn't fair, even if Yuri didn't want revenge. But Yuri wasn't supposed to reject his vengeance, not as a child and not now.

The lilac eyed blader took a deep breath and put his captain's hands aside, away from his shoulder and especially from his neck. Yuri was a real wolf and he could attack without warning every time he felt his life in danger. Also the slate haired traitor would agree with them. He said a thing about this, years ago.

It happened few months before Kai tried to use Black Dranzer. Ivan tried to jump on Yuri wile he was asleep and ended up with the mark of the red head nails on his face. The half Japanese boy laughed and said that even if Vorkov succeeded in erase all his feelings, their little wolf would have still maintain his instinct.

He was right. But it wasn't Vorkov this time, not at all. It was his fault. Maybe this is why Yuri was so sad. But, could that idiot of a red head really be worried about his raper feelings after have done that thing to him? Boris was sure to listen Yuri's mind screaming 'how do you feel, my love, hope you could forget just like I'm doing'. How disgusting.

-How you can try to find excuses for the boy that did you this. You are out of your mind, between your love and the entire rape trauma. A bey isn't so powerful and dangerous to make a person who really loves you to do this.

Yuri's hands wrapped themselves around his pained head. His love couldn't understand that time, but he always had before and for the future it would be the same. He knew, Boris didn't. The truth was the most evident, it means his. Kai was his love, Black Dranzer the Hate itself.

-IT is! For this reason I suppose nobody could use it, for this reason Kai couldn't control himself when he...

The young captain's voice, which was almost hight-pitched before, disappeared. Boris couldn't see his friend's face but he knew that the mouth was still open and the eyes wide focused on his mental image of his last meeting with the slate haired. Better take advantage.

-Your eyes are lighting just like you are foolish, please come back to yourself. You don't know it but Black Dranzer has been defeat and Kai betrayed his team for the second time.

Yuri's body seemed have lost all his life energy and was still in a sitting position just thanks to the headboard. His hands fell slowly on his lap and the flaming head rested aside.

-You mean...he went away?

It was just a sad whisper, nothing more. His cheeks were still wet, but the crying has stopped. Second chance.

-Yuri, face it. Is just good for you. Don't worry, you have finished with that guy. We'll take good care of him, so you will be safe.

Boris's words reanimated the sky eyed captain, but in those cerulean orbs there was only anger and strength of mind.

-Black Dranzer in all his power couldn't ever be defeat, so what you have said is pro my estimation. Anyway the body is mine and you can't take me away from him against my will, and my will is you promise me do anything to Kai. Promise me, Boris.

Cerulean orbs stared still. Lilac eyes widened.

-You can't be serious!

-Do it!

Boris felt cornered and his mind was working hard to find an answer that would have made the read head happy and he still free to make Kai pay for his action. There was a long silence in which Yuri half killed his teammate with his glare, but in the end with a sigh the lavender haired teen found out a suitable reply for his captain.

-Ok, then. I promise I won't take revenge on Kai Hiwatari by myself.

A red head's elbow twitched, but he accepted it through. He took a deep breath and tried to clean his mind from all the emotions he had in just few hours and thought about find out a different conversation subject.

-You guys must destroy Black Dranzer?

-Sure, it was defeated.

-Well, I want take my revenge. It means: I'll help in doing that. No need to touch him as you can see. And I will be fine.

Boris looked straight in the sky orbs of his friend. He saw his captain's usual cold fire, but also a new pain which was devouring the young blader deep inside himself. Do something was now a priority. Yuri would destroy himself, if they couldn't protect him by his own foolishness.

-Sure...if you can stand up.

The lilac haired boy grinned at his friend and grinned even wider when the red head smiled him back a little embarrassed from the allusion. Boris hugged tight what it looked like a scared child in front of him and held him against his chest. He locked his hands in the flaming red hair that were of his friend.

-We all love you, and we loved Kai too. I don't know if he has changed because of Black Dranzer, but I'll keep my promise in a way or in another. Now sleep, you need it.

Boris let Yuri free and gave him a small peck on his lips before stand up and made his way towards the exit. After half a step he stopped suddenly and turned back to his captain worried. Ok, he was an 'old' Russian and Yuri was an 'old' Russian too, but...what have he just done: he had kissed a gay boy after this one had just been raped. Shit on all he tried to reassure his captain.

-I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't mean...you are just...and you like men. I'm sorry to have kiss you, I'm just used to it.

Sky eyes stared puzzled at him and searched an only rational word in that bubbling.

-What? Oh, don't worry. A lot of Russians are used to it, me too. Don't think about the whole situation, I appreciate a bit of normality and stop the most famous Russian tradition will make me think too much to the reason of its end.

A sort of sweet smile appeared on the pale teen's face just to fade another time. Boris wasn't completely sure about what the right choice was, but certainly he needed the help of someone else to help his captain and he also needed to train for the match with the BladeBreakers...and especially with Kai. Yuri's pain will stop, willingly or not.

-I'll ask Ivan and Sergey to keep you company, in the meanwhile rest. See you, my captain.

The door closed behind the lilac haired blader, letting the fierce red one another time alone with his own life.

TBC

Kamsatisfied: pretty long one, maybe Yu is a little bit out of chara and...

Boris: WHAT FK OF A PROMISE I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!

Kai: Shut the hll up!! At least you are not the bad guy of the situation!

Yuripinning Kai on his bed by the shoulders and sitting on his chest, his legs on Kai's sides: Who said 'bad guy'?

Kam: Hey!! Weren't you supposed to be moping on your life?!

Yurifighting with Kai's scarf: Well actually I'm moping about how short it was...

Boris&Kam sweat dropping: ...

Kai: HEEEELP!!

Kam: forgot something?

Kaifighting with Yuri's roaming hands: READ AND REVIEW!!


	4. How truth separates our hearts

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. If someone doesn't believe me ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language and I'm not perfect, so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

SPECIAL THANKS:

To Phyrefly: Really you liked it?! ReallyReallyReally?! Thanks a lot for your review you are very kind and I think I must start

cook the lots of biscuits you deserve. As you can see I followed your suggestions for the next chappy even if I haven't find the time to correct the last ones, hope you like this one too even if it is a little bit confused...really Kai is...ehm. Anyway. About flames: it took a long time before I take a review as a flame and yours was no way near to it on my point of view. Telling the truth was a really nice one, just like the last one...SOMEONE LIKE WHAT I WROTE!! YEAH!! All right...hope this chapter is good enough...

To MasterFranny: Eh, eh...will Boris use his mind or his heart? Both of them? Not in this chapter, anyway...THANKS A LOT

FOR YOUR REVIEW!!! I'm really flying in the happiness because of it!! Well...not so hight actually...poor Yuri, I agree with you. Don't worry about Kai, he isn't a perverted and he will survive (for the story of course, but even because he is my fav character with Yuri!)...in which way he will survive I can't tell you right now! What I can say? Hope you will continue read my ficcy and you like this last chapter!!!!

NEWS!!!!

"..." talking

'...' thinking

Kai: This took a lot to be updated...

Kam: Lots of tests, classworks and homeworks to do...

Kai: You should hurry up...

Kam: You will regret this...

Chapter four: How truth separates our hearts

Kai and Rei's room

Night before the final tournament. The pale moonlight illuminated the dark room and discovered the two bladers lying down in their own beds. Rei wasn't asleep yet, and still questioned in his mind Kai's way to act before they went to bed.

The colourless globe had hypnotized the slate haired boy for few minutes before the Chinese tried to release him by that state. However the half Russian 1 blader didn't say a word. He just turned to his friend, his red orbs fixed on the golden pair in front of him. Just them. Kai didn't see him, but something that was playing in his mind. Just God knows what. Rei tried again to make his friend came back to Earth shaking him by his shoulders, but as he stopped and called again for him, Kai's eyes grew wider and wider 'till he fell on his knees and let out an almost inhuman scream. The red eyed blader took painfully his head between his hands and started sobbing, uncaring of the pair of golden eyes full of fear and concern, which stared at him.

After that, just his breath. It increased quickly his speed and mixed up with unfamiliar words, maybe Russian ones. Rei's caring words and acts to sooth him ended up in nothing, so he had to take the final resolution bringing the slate haired boy in bed by force and praying someone to make him do the right things. When red eyes, redder than ever, closed and the heavy breath seemed to have become more moderate, he laid down on his bed to rest. Just five minutes ago.

Kai was not sleeping too. The feeling wasn't gone. It burned into his stomach and from here to all his body. Was his own flesh trying to tell him what he didn't remember? He had just a sort of impression he did something wrong, but he couldn't catch it. Had it all started because of that Black Dranzer bey? What had that dark demon done to him? His memory...all the power he got, he has and he will have in all his life for have back his memory completely. He lived and entire life without his past, and now he was craving to remember just the last few days.

His past. He remembered himself little child heard Vorkov talking about Black Dranzer's 'power' to erase people's limits and inhibitions. Meaning: dream about win all your matches and Black Dranzer will give you the power you need or it will take away all the feelings you have and that affected your practice. The power of your will became real power. This was also its worst side effect, because people don't know what they really want deep inside themselves. For this the DemolitionBoys, his real team, had to learn how want just win and become powerful, nothing more.

The slate haired boy, anyway, knew too much what he, deep inside himself wanted...just not that way. Nothing could make him take the thing he wanted in the way Black Dranzer could do. He would have ruined all his dreams about the future. If it wasn't so, why his body was asking for redemption, destroying in this way not only his brain, but also his entire self? The power of Black Dranzer was too much and broke its effects seemed like fight against a mountain. When you use that bey there is only the present. Past and future are delayed. Maybe Rei was right. Maybe a good night of sleep will give him back his chances for the future...

...or maybe destroy it completely giving him what he craved more: the past...

A scream echoed in the room. Rei was fast self-conscious enough to identify the trembling and all covered of sweat figure on the other bed as the one of his roommate and ran near his friend trying to wake him from the state of shock in which he still was.

"Kai! Kai! I'm Rei, please look at me!!" He took the fighting boy in his arms and continued in a motherly tone "Shh...I'm here for you. It was only a bad dream."

The blue-grey haired boy wrapped his hands strongly around the Chinese's arms, but continued staring at no point in particular. What had happened in that abbey to put a great cold leader like Kai was in such of a state? What was devouring him so badly? What was the reason, did it really exist?

The pale figure in his arms calmed down a little bit. Fight and be tough with his friend wasn't necessary anymore. Nothing was necessary anymore. Red orbs lost all their power to confront the golden ones, which were looking quietly at him. They rested on nowhere, the cold air drying the small tears on the corner before they could be spilled.

"I hope it was...but I don't feel as it was." Scared red eyes hided in the other boy's chest and strong hands hardened their grip as tears finally flowed out freely. "If...if it really was not...if it really was not..."

The half Russian boy suddenly let free his friend, as remembering his lost dignity, but he could do nothing more to regain it. His strength seemed to flow out his eyes along with the salty water. He looked down at his hands and hided in them his weeping face. Did those long and perfectly shaped fingers really mark with deep scars what they weren't even supposed to touch? He sinned so many times...falling in love was the first.

Rei didn't know what to do. The young blader, who was currently sit down between his legs wrapping his arms around his knees, seemed had passed through the worst experience of his entire life. Kai told him about all he had to endure in that abbey without showing a little bit of emotion...how could a bad dream be scaring more than that? Anyway good manners had never been useful with him, so better try to get that stuff out with a little bit of rationality.

"Wait a minute, please. Relax and tell me what it was." Rei wrapped his hands on Kai's shoulders and made the crimson eyed look at him. "I'm sure it WAS just a bad dream, nothing more. Maybe you just got something wrong at dinner, you should calm down and start recollect your brain back."

Kai felt like he was a fool, no one understanding him. Alone even with his best friend by his side trying to sooth him. The Chinese may have a good heart and good propose to help him, but he had never known what hell was or the power that devoured every bit of your self. The cold emptiness of a destroyed future. How he was suppose to explain it to his friend? By the way, could he still call someone his friend without offending him?

"Rei, if what I've dream was true, and it was, I've ruined all. Falling the second time for Black Dranzer, I finally reached my punishment."

The Chinese locked his arms around the half Russian blader's shoulders and made him rest his head on his chest. Despite his almost calm words Kai was crying every time more and, not understanding, Rei was acting as his heart told him. He didn't know what happened, but this was an entirely new Kai, craving for comprehension. The golden eyed ran his hands down Kai's frame and held his slim waist closer to him. He made one of his hands get through the silver shining hair of his friend, taking away any resemblance of order from them, a little grin showing on his lips.

"Hey, boy. Takao, Kenny, Max and I are all with you. Whatever happened we would be always by your side. Whatever. Do you mind to tell me what is going on or what you dreamed of?"

A pale hand caressed the wet cheek and forced the red eyed face up. The raven haired calm heartbeat had relaxed visibly Kai's feature, but gone the screaming desperation nothing was in that red pools anymore. There it was the cold emptiness of a destroyed future, no words were needed.

Why. Golden orbs asked him. Kai could feel that question everywhere. All the things around him were shouting that word, his own mind, his own self. It was in Rei's voice soothing him and...in another one screaming in his head...asking someone to stop. Kai lost all his will to answer. That question was overlapping any rational thought and destroying him from inside.

'There is no why when a bad thing is done, the point is emend it with good feelings and actions. For this reason we have to save our emotions from Vorkov, to start a new life when all this is finished.' A childish whisper echoed in Kai's mind, all the yells vanishing in the darkness that surrounded that words. That voice remembered him the one asking him to stop, but this time it was happy and younger, a lot younger. He could feel the small cherry red lips curling up into a smile...and pressing against his cheek, where Rei's hand now rested.

Maybe he was more selfish than he thought. Maybe he wasn't feeling so bad for his Russian friend, but just for himself. This was the way he was, anyway. The young red head child in his mind said the truth: the point is to emend. And he will miss it a lot when all this will finish.

"I'm talking about the most innocent smile of the world...I've ruin everything because of my arrogance, because I thought to be powerful enough to use that damned dark bey!"

Was he talking to Rei or to himself? The words were there without he could even think about them. In his blind state of mind there was just a question, why, but just his subconscious rationality heard the question only a good friend could do: what. Rei wanted to help him, wasn't condemning him, why he couldn't understand him?

Rei's eyes soften. The things were a little bit clearer now, but there was still a deep gap between him and his friend. Kai looked really confused and, for a good minute, he could say he spaced out, lost in a word that only he knew which one it was. 'The most innocent smile'. The red eyed words were still in his mind. Has the slate haired done something to one of his friends? He thought he got just them, but who knows. A lover maybe? Rei never seen him interested in any girl...or boy. Whoever it was, it had to be connected with the abbey and his past, all the other things were pure mystery.

"I can't understand...are you sure about this anyway?"

Kai hided his head in Rei's chest and entwined his fingers in the light fabric of his friend's Chinese shirt, like he was a small child, who feared all the people and all the things. He was sobbing copiously and all his form was regularly shocked by his hopeless attempts to catch his breath. The only answer Kai was going to give him was that, and the desperate tentative to get the raven haired more close to him.

"Kai, my friend..." Rei's soft words were low and full of concern. "How do you feel?"

'How do you feel, Kai!!' The same childish voice echoed again in Kai's mind, this time screaming. 'How do you feel!!' Were Rei's hands the ones that wrapped his shoulders and shocked him desperately or the red haired kid's? Reality mixed with something that his mind wanted him to remember.

"Nothing. I feel nothing. I'm nothing. I've failed..." He found himself answer. '...all my life...' He wanted to add for Rei.

'Why you used Black Dranzer!! Look at you now!!' Yuri's angered voice again, but which one? Time confused in his mind as he felt himself at the same time laying almost lifeless on the cold floor of the room were Black Dranzer was once taken by him and standing in front of a cornered red head in a isolated training room.

'I haven't heard you! Please answer to me!' The yell was any time louder and pieced his mind like a sword. He could see in his mind the watery cerulean eyes of the child knelt near him and hugging him. 'How do you feel?!' Red hair shined in the dark above him.

That was hell. Kai was going insane, all those voice screaming at him one time with anger, another time full of concern. Younger Yuri and older Yuri, the first loving him and the other fearing him. Yuri and Rei, the first his best friend in the past and the other his best friend in the present. All them screaming at the same time in his head. A light sweat covered his hot forehead.

Rei was lost. The only thing he knew was that Kai needed a shoulder where he could cry, but he couldn't be helped. Or he didn't want it.

"Kai..." Rei's voice was just a hopeless whisper. Desperate tears fell from golden yes to his chin wetting the cheeks.

What for the Chinese was nothing but a sigh made the yelling in Kai's head run faster and faster, louder and louder. Was his mind torturing him in order to get him confess his fault?

'How do you feel!?!' Again. Please stop it, child. 'Why?' Didn't want to do that to you, forgive me, my long lost friend.

'Don't let me alone...' I won't. '...in this abbey!' I won't do it again.

'I love you...' I love you too. 'Stop, please'. Why I can't do it...

Kai was near to broke. 'Stop.' A full of pain tornado started cleaning up his mind. 'Stop!' Stop all this. 'STOP!'. STOP!!!!

Kai looked up at Rei's face all of sudden, breathing hard.

"Rei!! I'VE RAPED THE BOY I LOVE!!!"

1 Just a guess. I mean: I've searched all around the web in order to find info about Kai's nationality without success. His surname is Hiwatari and his eye form is similar to Takao's one, so something Japanese has to be in that blood of him. On the other hand I love him as Russian, he knows the language, has grown up there etc... So I solved the things this way. No mean to tell the truth.

TBC

Kam: Finally finished!!!

Kai (seat on the floor playing cards with the Breakers and the Demolition while Yuri is hugging him from behind and kissing his neck) : Well not all the people are so good as you to write a KaiYuri and put so many part of BorisYuri and KaiRei in...

Kam: Do you know the word 'friendship'!?!

Kai (Yuri trying to take off his shirt) : I do...he didn't anyway...

Breakers&Demolition:...Read and Review...please...


	5. Lost promises

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. If someone doesn't believe me ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language and I'm not perfect, so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

SPECIAL THANKS:

To Phyrefly: Eh, eh! Reviewers ask, Kammyh does it!! (well, if someone asks me to change the main pairing is a different matter, but if we are talking about make reading easier...NO PROBLEM!) You really like the ending part? Well, after destroying Yuri's self and have turn Kai crazy I suppose it could be appreciated a little relief-section...SO HAPPY I DID SOMETHING GOOD IN MY LIFE!! (or at least in my ficcy). About Rei...well, I suppose we have just to hope he doesn't turn nuts too!! Thanks a lot for your review, you are always too kind!!!! HOPE YOU LIKE THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER (no hysterics this time!!) Kai&Tala forever!!!!!

To MasterFranny: Sure I saw that one!!!! It can turn out a great YAOI!!! Yuri's eyes wondering in the distance at Kai... And the other one were Yuri told Daichi to put on his jeans zip? And...all right, the last few episodes can be listed as my favourite ones but the one in which Yuri made it draw with Daichi...WHY CAN'T MY WOLF WIN ONCE IN A TIME!! (whining) Plus they aren't going to let Kai win whatever he is up to (still wondering about Kai in a dark room with Boris and Sergey...ehm...). Anyway, I can't explain how you made me happy with your review...non merito tanto...(sigh). Yuri is still supposed to be the main character with Kai, so you will have it back soon just likes our little red eyed crazy boy. About the rape...I let you rape the kid, he is suffering enough. Hope you like the next one as you liked the other!!!

To Bffimagine: Wow new reviewer! (Kai&Yuri: YOU REALLY THINK TO KNOW HOW IT DEVELOPS??!!! PLEASE, TELL US!!!) All right, don't mind about them...I'll kill them one day (fangirls: NOOOO!!!). Ehm, well, okay I'll let them alive, then...THANKS A LOT for your review, hope you like the next chappy and if it suits your guessing let me know, I'm really interested about it!!!!

Chapter Five: Lost promises

Back to the abbey

Boris exited Yuri's room in order to find his two teammates, wondering about what he had to do. Surely Kai couldn't be left unpunished, but he couldn't also broke the promise he made few minutes before to his captain...Luckily he was pretty good messing up with words, all of them were. When a Demolition Boy speaks you can be sure he has well chosen his words. If Yuri had been himself he would had known for sure that his friend was thinking how to have it his way yet.

"Hey, Boris! How is the cap, now? Was it Kai?"

The lilac haired blader stopped abruptly and drew his attention to the two figures in front of him, especially on the blonde who had just spoken. Maybe he has found the right solution to his problem...If he couldn't do the 'active' work he could still organise all the things. An evil smile curled his lips and his eyes shined in a dark light as he stared at the blond haired.

"He is supposed to be asleep, but I don't know. He isn't in himself anyway, he needs someone looking after him. Ivan, would you mind?"

The shorter boy took the hint and ran in his captain's room. As he passed over his companion, the lavender eyed sensed the fear in the small boy and he felt guilt for it. He couldn't handle Ivan, so he thought it was a better idea let Sergey tell him the matter later, but now he didn't think that one to be the better choice. Forgetting this point, there was another one: he could have been gentler. His words had sounded even colder than Vorkov's ones, or Yuri's when they drugged him...or Kai's now that he had forgotten them all.

Sergey feared even just to move a finger not knowing what was in his team mate's mind. He had never been so cold with them, maybe there were bad news coming from the little talk with Yuri. He didn't want have revenge on Kai, but the last hope he was wrong seemed every minute more little.

Boris suddenly took his friend's arm and put a confused Sergey in one of the dark corners in the monastery. The lilac haired fixed his lavender eyes on the blue ones of his friend. In the first pair there was just a strong determination, in the other fear. Fear of that resolve, but also resignation as he knew, deep inside himself, they couldn't escape their destiny anymore, came what may. Sergey tossed away his friend's hand and crossed his arms on his chest.

"Have you talked with Yuri?"

"Sure I have. And I got some good news and other ones bad."

Stupid children. They had just been stupid children. No, it was stupid Kai. No again, it was damned stupid Boris, Kai would have never do that if he remembered his feelings for them all. Boris didn't continue, there again there was still hope.

"Well, how about the good ones?"

"We were right. It was Kai."

Sergey's eyes closed and his head lowered. How many times had they five played together when they were children? How many years had passed from those beautiful days? Now they were nothing. Even the last joyful memory about the abbey was turned into nothing. The Evil and the Sin have reached also that ones. All that was now nothing.

They were going to hurt their friend, then the BladeBreakers would hurt them for revenge and they would have to pay the favour. So sad how the friendship can work sometimes and turn itself against you. Boris let his team mate accept the truth, but shocked as he saw the blue eyes raising and looking cynically at him. A small sad grin was on the blonde's lips.

"Well, if those are the good news I'm not wondering about the bad ones."

"You were right, isn't that good enough for selfish self-conscious self-whatever boy like you?"

Sergey's grin faded and he looked away. Boris bit his low lip and started mentally cursing himself for make joke when his captain was near to suicide and Vorkov couldn't care less, not telling about the Kai's problem.

"Wish I were wrong."

Short sentences were typical of Sergey, but not the low and almost muffled tone he used, full of distress and discomfort. The lilac haired blader looked aside and hardened the bit on his lip letting drops of red blood flow out. Before anyone could see that his tongue had cleaned it up yet. Its taste filled entirely his mouth and seemed mix up with the words he was going to say, but did he really need to explain something to his friend? Sergey was big and massive, but not stupid.

"Yuri made me promise I won't take revenge on him. So I need your help."

On the corner of Sergey's eyes two tears appeared, nothing more was shown. The blue eyed stared coldly at his team mate, showing a determination that only being hopeless could do.

"I understand. Ivan and I will take the dirty work. Don't worry."

Boris relaxed visibly, now the only problem left was how to organize the all thing and hope Yuri in the meantime hadn't made Ivan promise him the same.

"We have to protect our captain, he deserves a new start and even if he doesn't want it, Kai's destruction is the first on our list" The lilac eyes lowered staring at no point in particular. Tears started shaping also in their corner. "...even if our promise wasn't supposed to end up this way..."

---Before the Kai-Sergey match---

Kai was alone in the room reserved to the BladeBreakers, lost in deep thoughts. The three younger ones had wanted to go out for food and had decided to bring with them Rei as the expert when cuisine was involved. The Chinese was not sure about let his alone first, but the blue-grey haired boy persuaded him to go. Some time with that three crazy bladers would have saved the raven haired mental state and he could have time to think, or at least to try to do that.

Rei had done all he could do in order to get Kai out of that sense of remorse that was devouring him, but nothing worked. The half Russian blader managed to appear quite normal to Takao, Kenny and Max, but alone or with Rei the feelings he tried to hide showed themselves in full force. He had ruined all the things he had built with his old team. He still got a lot of problems with his memory and, according to the doctor who had visited him, maybe it wouldn't be ever the same. Nonetheless a decoloured reminiscence as a dream stared there confronting itself with the harsh reality.

Flashback

Five little children were playing in a small white garden not so far from a big abbey. They were escaped from the director's control and decided to use that precious chance to make something they had never do: a fight with snow balls. The white snow, the cold snow of Russia that they have always known as a cruel natural addition to the pain of their routine exercises and tortures, was now a friend, something soft that didn't hurt. No pain for them this time.

Instead there were just light and screams of joy like just children playing can have. The war knew no rules and in a couple of minutes the blonde older boy had to take the younger dark violet haired one with him to save him from the perfectly synchronized attacks from the most cheery and powerful boys in their group. Nobody knew how that two had become friends one being just one of thousands of the children coming from the orphanage and the other the grandson of the abbey owner.

The game continued with blond hair emerging from snow mountains; lilac eyes half covered by hair of the same colour hiding on a tree few seconds before all the snow on there fall mysteriously down on the other children's head; grey-blue and red hair mixing themselves every time their friends decided to take revenge on them and submerge them with snow balls 'till the two boys fall one on one another and the little one start laughing at them.

After a couple of hours they were sweaty and breathless. The blonde lost his balance and fell with his back on the white ground just few seconds before the lavender haired one jumped on him and wrapped his arms around the other's neck just resting there. The other three thought their friends could make a perfect pillow, so the smaller one positioned himself curled up on the blonde's shoulders, while the other two lied down on the opposite side and rested their heads on the lilac haired's back.

The four younger ones fell asleep soon just the blonde was wondering about the white grey form above him.

"Hey, guys!! Look at the sky! It is as white as the earth, maybe is going to snow another time!"

The blond haired child tried to sit up, but he had to discover that his friends were all over him and stopped his movements. His blue eyes rolled as he mentally cursed the life that gave him such great problems as his friends were.

"Sergey, don't move. I want to sleep!"

The hight-pitched voice was the one of the little bicolour haired who took his chance to tighten his grip at the red head's waist. This one smiled happily at his friend and made sure that his long red hair covered the boy he was hugging like they were a hot blanket.

"I've found a wonderful place to sleep." He added. The red orbs hided deeper in the other's chest while another pair right above his head mixed their cerulean reflections with a sceptical light.

"Where, between my arms?!"

"What are you angry for, Yuri? All of the girls will pay lots of money to have a so handsome boy between their arms!

A loud laugh was heard next to the embraced children, just above Sergey getting the two to put at him and two red orbs partly covered by dark violet hair open sleepily and trying to focus on what were happening at the other side.

"And you would be the handsome guy, Kai? Well anyway you have a point on your path. Our little Yuri needs a serious cutting of hair. Look at you, brother, you seem a girl!"

"What!! I'm not a girl!!"

The young red head named Yuri got on his knees ready to start a fight with the lilac eyed leaving in the process his other friend cold. This one didn't seemed alright with that and throw himself on the other bringing both of them back to their previous positions gaining a 'thanks God' from the lavender haired.

"Sure, you are not a girl, you are a man. My man, isn't it?"

The grey-blue haired child called Kai kissed Yuri's forehead and then rested his on the red haired boy's chest smiling. This one caressed the fluent mass of his friend's hair and softened his sky orbs in a sort of adoring smile.

"Sure, I am. 'till the end of the days. How do you feel now?"

A soft half asleep voice answered him from his chest.

"I feel you. Your presence, your happiness...you know Yuri? What about you?"

A small smile curled the grey-blue haired's lips and a deep shade of red tinted his friend's pale cheeks.

"I feel...you can feel me...I'm sorry, I can't explain."

The two small children smiled at each other, a bit of reddish on their face, not completely realising the deep meaning of their feelings, just knowing that would be forever. The younger kid had looked enough times at the two adoring boys to know that they would end up hugging and smiling for all the time they still had if someone didn't stop them before. He didn't understood what was going on between the two, but he remembered too well how they got angry every time Sergey, the older blond boy, called them a married couple.

"Hey guys we wait the marriage!!"

The dark violet kid climbed up to his lilac haired friend's back and tried to fell down on the other side dividing the two embraced children, but he ended up with his face under the snow.

"You have to get us Ivan!! Or we won't send you any invitation!!!"

The two kids stood up hand to hand laughing. Little Ivan ran past them stopping abruptly as he realised it was snowing. The other two stared at the sky few seconds and came back to their friends who were observing the phenomenon like they had never experienced it before. The blonde turned serious as he looked at their dampening clothes.

"Vorkov will use his whip this time. It's time to come back, I think."

Despite his cold tone no one thought he was serious and all four pouted at him. Sergey looked at his friends unsure about what to do, but forgot to control Yuri's movements...

"Well, we got fun!!! Smile at the life, Sergey!!"

The red haired child jumped on his friend's back and entwined his arms around the blonde's neck making sure to keep the other's backside close to his waist. The others formed a circle around them laughing then Yuri let him free and kissed his cheek...running two seconds after that near the grey-blue haired. The blonde went near the dark violet haired to make sure he wasn't hurt, but the little just made a big smile and looked towards his friends.

"Promise we will face together everything."

The younger blader leant in front of him his right arm. The others closed more the circle and prepared themselves to do the same.

"Promise we will be always together against Vorkov and Hito."

The lilac haired laid his hand above Ivan's.

"Promise we will be always together."

Sergey did the same on the lilac haired's one.

"Promise we will be always friends."

Yuri rested his hand on the ones of his friends...

"Promise we will take revenge on every person of us who broke our promise."

...Kai added his own.

End of the Flashback

TBC

Kam: Kammyh got her driving licence!!

Kai&Yuri(dividing after kissing senselessly): We couldn't care less...

Kam(cynical expression on her face staring at the two come back making out): Thank you! I mean Boris and Sergey started their things and...

Boris(suddenly-waken-up expression): Who started what?

Sergey(from his side):Revenge on Kai, idiot...the fan fiction...don't you remember?

Boris(relaxing visibly):Ah....

Kam&Sergey&KaiYuri (distressed visibly):...Read and Review...


	6. My present, my past

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. If someone doesn't believe me ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language and I'm not perfect, so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

THANKS TO:

Trunks-is-the-king: KAI IS FULL RUSSIAN?! REALLY?! You have solved a big problem of my life!!! (ehm, obviously one of the thousands problems...). Thanks a lot for your review, I really hope you will still like it!! Those days I'm in big trouble with tests, classworks and so on, but when I have more free time I promise you an e-mail, maybe a REALLY-THANK YOU one. Are you a Trunks from Dragon ball lover? Say thanks to your Japanese friend too to have informed you about Kai's nationality. I would like having one...or learning Japanese... Don't worry also in Italy there isn't so much at least in small cities. Keep reading!!

MasterFranny: I've got also a friend of mine searching for that episode everywhere, but we both failed. If you are still searching for it I can send you the detailed summary or send you the VHS with it in by normal mail. Anyway it wasn't so much and you can guess the most important points from the other episodes, there is just Ming Ming pretty nice to see as she transformed herself like a Mew Mew team member... I know who Brooklyn is and yes, he is cool also on my point of view...but...how dare he do that to MY KAI AND YURI!!! Neither Boris did that to Rei...Oops, I was about to forget something important: THANKS for your reviewing, piccy and e-mails. Free to e-mail me whenever you want, hopefully I don't need days to write few sentences as it is with writing in English.

Phyrefly: THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR REVIEW!!! Got full driving licence. Don't know how, I'm a total catastrophe when there is handwork to do. Don't worry about yours, I don't know how are the driving tests abroad, but what gave me problems was just the fear to fail. You really liked the flashback?! Wow, I'm so happy!!! Yeah, I've got the gift to put dark everywhere even in a childlike flashback(joking...). Next chappy a little more angsty even if it is not the clue yet. Hope you like it, keep reading!!

WhiteTigress666: WOW!! I don't know what to say just...THANK YOU!! I don't think so much of my little ficcy, glad there is someone who does (for its self-esteem, poor little ficcy). Hope you like the next chappy too! I know what do you mean about driving, just try to throw it off your way so no one has to make you driving anymore without any rational reason. Keep reading!

Author note(s):

1 Kammy is not on a writer block just she has no time to write. Chappy seven maybe out next week because after I've got two weeks full of school problems.

2 MasterFranny was so kind to explain Kammyh what a beta reader is...PLEASE, I NEED ONE!!! I'm glad to not being English just because so I don't understand how many errors I do...(a lot if you think about my last 6.5/10 in the English test)

Chapter six: My present, my past

After the Yuri-Takao match

The crow exited the stadium screaming and talking aloud about how great were the BladeBreakers and how exciting has been the match now ended. In all that moving just Kai stared still and divided the people's streaming outside in two sections. Two parts just like the ones of his heart, two different parts just like them both were. His sad red orbs followed Yuri graceful stepping back to his team and more seconds passed more the red head seemed near to wake up from a meaningless dream just to fall in a worse nightmare. He couldn't stop his staring; all his world was the clear eyed blader.

Those cerulean eyes he was so desperately observing turned their gaze to him meeting the red ones. The slate haired thought he would have seen hate or distasteful in there, but what he saw was worse than that. Betrayed. That was what his childhood friend felt right now, and Kai could sense it just staring that way. What if they would have really met again as friends and talk like nothing had happened? Those skies called to him, but would words be enough to erase everything? He felt his breath becoming heavier in all that confusion around him and his hand moved without any rational thought towards the redhead...'till someone dragged out and hided the DemolitionBoys's captain from his view with his own oversized body.

Kai found himself back to reality and the noisy crow. Sergey stood in front of Yuri and looked seriously in his direction. He could felt the silent treat from what years ago was one of his best friends and he would have never thought to see that way. People separated the two boys and no word could be spoken. Verbally. Now he knew his dreams had tell him the truth and so did the cerulean eyed captain to his team-mates. No matter what was in the red haired blader's eyes or in his heart, things had to develop in just one way. His ex-friends knew it and he knew it too, the real matter to him right now was to take the BladeBreakers out of this situation. He had to leave, they would understand.

As Kai left the stadium Sergey turned with his back to his younger team-mate and followed the slate haired boy's movements with the corner of his eyes. When there was no sign of the slate haired, he tried to focus on his captain's puzzled expression. He couldn't believe it. In those cheerless orbs there was more than a small light of hatred. In the last few days Vorkov had played with him in order to made him fully concentrate on his beyblading and they had to take care of him for both the two traumas he has to endure. He would have never thought Yuri would have turned against him that way, not now, not for so little.

Sergey shivered uncomfortably, but he knew his captain needed to accept the truth and he wasn't going to do that alone. Maybe he would have him change his mind about Kai before he take revenge on the slate haired, maybe Yuri would forgot all the love affair and decide to keep his promise too...no way that this could ease his uneasiness in going against a friend, but it would have helped.

"Don't give me that look, he was looking at you Yuri. It seemed like he wanted another ride..."

The blonde slapped himself mentally while the red haired blader stared frozen at Sergey's words. He took one step back and lowered his eyes to the floor; on his face self-confidence faded to show a sort of hurt but still angered expression.

"Sergey, don't be so cruel."

His voice was a mere whisper and the watery eyes couldn't dare to stare at the blue ones looking at him between resolve and remorse.

"With Kai or with you? You're acting like you want to be another time in his arms. I hope you are not still in love with him!"

Yuri's eyes flamed and he jumped wolf-like on his friend taking him off guard. He clasped his hand on Sergey's mouth and stared just few inches from his face. Coldness along with desperation and frustration was back in full force while a dark appearance of madness was showed in the azure eyes.

"Have you got some problems with that? Is not your body, is mine! Anyway talk in a lower tone or Vorkov will heard you. I don't need another bastard telling me what is right and what is wrong."

His voice was low and husky similar to the groan of a wolf. Arrogance hided the blank surface that covered what had happened in the last few days. The pressure on the blond haired Demolition Boy decreased slowly having him free to talk few seconds after he was assaulted. Another chance.

"So I'm a bastard."

Sergey tried to hold firm his voice and fixed his eyes on his captain's ones. Yuri's face melted a bit, but his cerulean orbs held the blonde's ones still resolved.

"Thinking better, the only bastard in this group it's me. My parents knew it, so it's why they left me on the snow in front of the door of the orphanage. Also the people in there knew it, so it's why they let me in that damned abbey"

Yuri seated down on the floor and hid his face in his own hands. All around him was silent now, nobody could see him fallen anymore, neither Vorkov nor the other people in this world, so he could let down. So difficult handle an entirely life alone, his friends couldn't help with that, they had their own problem. He remembered Kai telling him something about mix their problems and deal with them together, but now it was just a dream. Who owned the shoulder he could he cry on? Pride was always used to protect his soul, but he had to fight with the weight of his own being born without someone wanted him. Kai wanted him. Maybe he was born just to please who was around him. Maybe also Vorkov was on his list of person to please. His friends cared about him, but he would ever pay back?

'Kai...where I am in your world? I don't have one anymore...'

Ivan went next to him and held him close to his chest. He felt miserable to be friendly now, just before confront the slate haired without Yuri knowing something about the whole plan, but he hoped the redhead would forgive him just like he has done yet for Kai. He hoped it at least. The shorter boy looked down at the red haired he held and saw the cerulean orbs lost in nothing as he felt the weight on his arms increase. He tightened the grip to prevent his friend to fell on the floor, as he seemed near to blank out.

"You are just shocked, who told you that you are not loved by people around you? Anyway your parents lose a lot when they left you and I'm sure they haven't done that because you were not a good child. Don't think about your past, try to solve your present..."

A weak muffled voice came from below.

"It was because of my red hair...they are symbol of sin, the Devil own who has red hair. Red means Hell...blood...that is forever, nothing else is, even love isn't..."

The three boys froze at Yuri's voice. It was totally spaced out like there were his thoughts talking through him, the only intonation it had was the one of a statement. Ivan took him by his shoulders and shocked him hard, hoping that way to have his friend back to the real world.

"Yuri, what the hell are you saying!! Don't you realise all this is a nonsense?!?! Those are things related to thousands of years ago!! You can't really believe someone is evil because of his hair color or sexual preferences!! YURI!!"

The dark violet haired blader slapped his captain hardly and the sapphire eyes turned back to focus. No time to be happy anyway. Yuri got himself free from Ivan's embrace with a quick and powerful switch of his shoulders and stood up in front of his team-mate with all his height, which was pretty much in opposition to the one of his companion.

"I'm just a fucking little orphan queer! Anyway I could be gay, I could be in love with the person I should hate, but I'm not so out of my mind to believe neither that my parents wanted me and they abandoned me the way I was nor that I can fight this truth!!"

How they ended up talking about past? Was Kai's action just the last drop Yuri could handle? All they knew that their captain's arrogant acting as just a form of self-defence, but it was really unbearable discover that those scars marked so deeply Yuri's heart. They thought they were fighting together, just now they realized how alone their captain felt and how he had waited for Kai to show him the way. Anyway the young redhead was not the only one who had pain to hold. All them were that way, why they weren't able to help?

"Well my parents let me in the abbey because they couldn't afford me, but I'm both wanted and loved by them. Yuri, we are your friends, listen to us! Look at your past from another point of view! "

The red haired boy moved his face to his side and crossed his arms on his chest and let a growing angry Ivan staring at him. The shorter boy did the same while Boris start wondering how a so calm and rational blader as their captain was could end up this way.

"Thinking about it, Kai is the real bastard, on all the ways."

The words poured out cold from the blond haired blader and pierced the air around the boys. Silence. For a long time just silence. Their past was something that was supposed to be hided, all theirs were. Put light on one and you will discover the others as well, for this reason, whatever happened Kai was one of them and he will be that way forever. The truth was that they all had forgot how show it. This was the reason of Yuri's falling down alone in his world of darkness without they could stop that. This was the reason of they forced to have revenge on their childhood friend. Was this also the deep reason that made Kai that to Yuri?

The first who broke the tension between them was the red haired captain, now back to his sad self.

"Hito thought Kai's father wasn't enough for his mother, so they escaped. They were caught and killed before they could do anything for Kai. That man gave the child his own surname, put him in the abbey forgetting all about him and erased all the data about his parents. For this reason he was called the son of no one and all the children laughed at him when the guards and the video cameras couldn't catch them. I suppose Kai don't ever know what was his father's surname...my poor Kai, thinking this way he is just like me...so, why...?"

Tears started falling down his cheeks meeting under his chin and then falling down onto the floor.

The sky eyed blader felt as his own emotions mixed up with the memories he had of Kai's emotions when he told him about his parents. He had discovered it by chance overhearing one of Vorkov and Hito's talking. He remembered it too well and this made the violation's scars he still was wearing hurt even more. At least Kai had the bliss of ignorance, he couldn't even count on it. How could that little crying child he had hold so many times have done this to him? How could he himself be still so mental connected with someone who betrayed him, abused him, stole the only thing he really owned? More tears flowed out as he was going to lost himself another time in what was their past and now was just his, because that slate haired little kid looking hopefully at him now has no idea of what they felt for each other.

A cynical but still caring voice took him out of his trans. It seemed his friends was always there to prevent him to lost himself completely. Whether this was a point on their path or not, was out of question.

"You are really crying too much, man. I've never seen you give a tear for years of pure torture, and now you cry almost every minute."

A small smile appeared on Yuri's face as he looked up to his lilac haired friend. Maybe after so many years they could really be that way. Borg was officially out and life could start again. An entire new life...without Kai. Why he affected him so much? If he was another person he would have killed for vengeance, but with that red eyed was all different. His smile disappeared and his face lowered again.

"Shut up, Boris...please."

The lavender haired blader sighed and gave a look at Ivan and Sergey. They nodded back in answer.

"Listen, Ivan and I are going to go walking around Moscow for a while, better use those few hours we have before came back to the abbey. You can talk with Boris in the meantime, I think this is the best way to help you. Don't worry you will be all right really soon...I swear you."

Sergey's tone rang a bell in Yuri's head, but he was too busy moping about how miserable his life was going to be that he couldn't catch the hint properly. His eyes stared at his blue eyed team-mate, his face looking serious as he tried to focus the point of the sentence.

"Are you talking about have chatting with Boris?"

The blonde kept still his eyes on his questioning captain, he also trying to focus something, the best way to escape firstly.

"Sure, what else. Now we have to go."

The two guys bent down to let a small peck on their captain's lips and then went outside the stadium followed by Yuri's puzzled glare. When they were out they stopped and took a long breath.

"I would prefer it was me who had to keep busy Yuri, but fatefully it was Boris who promised him to be quiet. I never thought promises could be so terrible to keep..."

Sergey sighed and crossed his arms on his chest looking down at his shorter companion. The red eyed blader rested his hands on his sides and looked at his team-mate with a worried expression on his face.

"We have to confront with our own promises now, I'm just glad our captain is getting more naïve any time by that...that fact."

"That matter of fact. And we have to answer with another equal matter of fact and Kai could answer with another matter of fact."

The blond haired blader wore a really annoyed face as he had to play a character that didn't fit him and he didn't like it. Ivan smiled at Sergey's statement and started to relax even if he knew too well this was just the beginning.

"That don't sound like us a lot, we are always the more positive in our team since our beloved grey-blue haired joined it. Kai and Yuri will kill us for steal their job... In a way or in another they had turned us just like they are..."

Sergey moved himself in front of his friend and stared at him disheartened.

"Yeah, depressed. That sound shocking about a promise made for friendship."

The blonde's melodramatic tone made Ivan laugh loudly this time. Blue eyes stared discomforted at the younger teen who was trying to catch his breath back.

"Sure, we will end all dead like in a Grecian tragedy for a banal promise, which one do you prefer: Edipo or Medea?" Ivan's voice hided a small hint of sarcasm as the big smile just stayed on. "Sergey, this isn't a tragedy, man we can punish him to death but not kill him..."

Ivan turned serious as tears started cross his cheeks making the faked laugh more that way. The tension of those days had proved them all more than they had initially thought. Sad blue eyes looked down as the younger blader tried to recompose himself.

"Ivan..."

"I would have never thought about say such type of things. Maybe this is truly a tragedy, just hope it have a sweet end, no wonder why Yuri feels nothing."

The taller boy turned his back to his friend and walked towards the small sideways of Moscow followed lately by his team-mate.

"Between friendship and cold real world we all feel nothing. Let's go now, it's going to be late and someone is waiting for us."

TBC

Kai: Why I'm in this chappy for just few lines?!?! I thought I was one of the main characters!!!

Kam: You are, don't worry. Wait 'till the next one.

Yuri: Why just my team, Kai and I are the ones going crazy?! Why the Breakers are out of this?!?!

Kam: Because I need them clear to see how you are not...maybe or maybe not...

Kai&Yuri(tightly embracing themselves): What do you mean with that?!

Kam: I don't really know how to use the Breakers but Rei, I have to thought about it. Now, use your charm!!

Kai&Yuri(turned Chibi and with a big smile on their face and stars in their eyes, Kai seat between Yuri's legs): READ AND LET A REVIEW!!


	7. My promise, my way to die

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and a rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language and I'm not perfect, so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

THANKS TO:

MasterFranny: THANKS A LOT!! I'm building up my self-esteem and I need people telling me they like my story!! You are also pretty quick in review…wow, I can review a chapter even a week after it is published, can you teach me your ability, my master? By the way, comments on BEGA dismissed as they tortured MY YURI (ok, maybe too much possessive, am I?) and tried to kill him… even if Mistel was pretty nice with Rei… even if Brooklyn is so 'out of the ordinary'. Seen last episodes? Too cool Kai threatening Hitoshi's life, too bad now he is trying to have him 'out of his business'!! Thank you again!!

WhiteTigress666: Thank you for your REVIEW!! Will they, will they not? Something in this chapter…and keep reading for more!!

Authoress note(s):

1 Kammyh is still searching a beta reader, can you help her?

2 Kammyh is wondering about how mess anime characters' life even when she is studying, that's why she doesn't get any good mark in this time. No writer block, don't worry, just lack of time to write all the stuff.

Chapter Seven: My promise, my way to die

Back to Kai

After his exit followed by Sergey's glare, Kai decided to left his friends chatting and cheering. The captains of all the different teams he had affronted during the entire World Championship plus their companions surrounded Takao and he seemed as enthusiastic as ever. The first thing he did after he had joined them outside was challenging him, because when you see Takao that way you just have do it. It was too irresistible…even if he knew he would have end up defeated again.

He felt the same way about the red haired DemolitionBoys captain, but in another way. Those clear cerulean eyes heated his entire frame and his breath stopped every time they looked at him. When Yuri and himself were children he supposed there was no reason for that, but now the things were different and he had started craving for Yuri's touch every time he saw him all through practice. Sometimes even more than just that, when the heat had become almost unbearable. No way the perfect red haired blader would give in. If Kai had told him his love there were no doubts that those ice eyes would have laugh at him. He was sure about it because he betrayed his trust searching for Black Dranzer's power.

When he had come back to the DemolitionBoys it was with him and in less than few hours the dark phoenix decided to help her master, but she was devil and help from the Devil was never a good thing. She gave him the nerve to make back contact with the beautiful sky eyed teen, but she destroyed what was behind the passion and the desperate hope the redhead enjoyed the company. Now he would have never again the chance to have him near anymore. All was definitively ruined forever.

A dark smile crossed his lips as he realised that for the hundredth time he had started thinking to one thing and had ended up wondering about the young Russian team captain. Last time he realised that he made up his mind about make all this stop, but someone ruined his tentative. To hell whoever he was, he was too distressed to understand what was going on around him and he couldn't care less.

Rei saw his best friend going cheerless every time more, but, as soon as he tried to make contact with him, the grey-blue haired teen pushed him away. After that Kai turned and walked silently away letting behind him a very disoriented raven haired. The Chinese blader made no other attempt to chase his team-mate, but he made a mental note about the direction chosen by the slate haired and the time this boy could be trusted out alone in so desperate state. The day before he had just stopped him from hurting himself with a sharp knife stolen from the kitchen and luckily enough the three younger members of their team were already in bed by that time, so he could evade explanation. That Boris guy anyway had hurt him badly and he couldn't help Kai all by himself anymore.

The slate haired teen left behind him his worried friend to walk across the dark street of Moscow and clean his mind. His mind was in pain and his breath heavy. He was so confused that his own eyes betrayed him sometime and he almost fall on the ground with no energy to stand up back again. Nonetheless he had to go forward to his final objective. There was a dark narrow sideway no too far from the abbey where they had ended up when they where child and decided to go and explore Moscow. Last time they escaped from Vorkov's grip all together. When they went back to the abbey they have been separated in rooms at the opposite sides of the building. Kai had caught his chance to try and take Black Dranzer, something Yuri prohibited him to do because it was too dangerous. Incredible how life works sometimes.

Kai knew that mysterious alley had its meaning for the DemolitionBoys and him. There they had ended up their friendship when they were child and, maybe, there will end up also that tiny closeness tightrope which still bounded them. That was the silent agreement between them and he was knew all this too well as he decided to rest near a wall to wait...

Few minutes after, appeared two shadowy figures in the end of the street, which walked towards the young grey-blue haired blader. He stared at them for a while to be sure about who exactly they were. What a pity if they were just two Russian lovers searching for intimacy. Red eyes focused on the two and were reassured by the newcomers' identity. Kai sighed and let his glare fade.

"I was waiting for you." A sad smile curled his lips as he looked back to them. "I just don't understand why the others aren't here too. It's not necessary a surprising coming out, I won't fight…I won't fight back."

A pair of blue eyes emerged from the darkness followed by another pair of red ones. The two figures owned two entirely different featured, but the same military style footstep. The two passed toward the only sun ray, which lighted the small alley revealing short blond hair and a cascade of dark violet ones.

"There is just Sergey and I, Boris is keeping Yuri safe."

The voice was low and a little hoarse, but hided behind that a big determination and hate. Anyway it was neither the coldness in those orbs nor the hidden treat in that voice that made Kai lost his mask. As he heard the name of the red eyed blader he tilted and melted, now showing an absolute fear. He had never wrong in calculating others reactions, maybe Black Dranzer had affected also this innate ability or worse he had never known his friends so well after all. He had hoped to see Yuri a last time before that, but he had just realised that was too much to ask.

Wide scared mahogany pools stared at the couple.

"Safe?" A mere whisper so soon stopped. Sergey had taken Kai up by his neck and now the blue haired was trying to free himself enough to breath ".…agh…"

"Yeah, safe from you, you fucking dude." The last bit of friendship was definitively lost as anger was the only feeling beneath the slate haired form. "You can't realise what you have done to him!! He is always crying, we have to sleep with him almost every night and be there for him when he wakes up screaming asking you to stop!!"

To stop. Maybe they both hadn't realised what had happened 'till those words were spoken. Hot tears dropped down both their cheeks as Kai's lips trembled for the lack of air and Sergey tightened his grip on his neck. A tear fall down on the cold cement shining blue and letting its wet trail through the red eyed boy's make up. That didn't bothered none of them, even Kai. His thoughts were all for the red haired he betrayed.

"What…what have I done…Yu…could you ever forgive me…"

Even if he had said just the first letters of the Demolition boys captain's name, it was enough to wake Sergey from his state as his eyes now pierced Kai's frame with their rage.

"SHUT UP!!!" Sergey threw the pale and almost breathless Russian in his grip on a small mass of trash that happened to be there someway in the darkness of the narrow lane. "Shut up you damned idiot, and don't say another time that name!!…He has already forgiven you!! How could he…How could YOU!!! And I don't want heard another time that silly story about Black Dranzer's control!!"

The distressed boy didn't move just coughed few times keeping his weeping on. His head…has that blond mass of muscles really said Yuri had forgiven him?! That wasn't making any sense. The redhead hated him because he hadn't listened to him that time, didn't he? So why he did it, if he was still shattered by his irrational action? That sadness he had seen couldn't had been love betrayed, he had just problem with his ears...maybe. More pain for his poor distressed head. Wait, what has Black Dranzer to do with that? He hadn't excuse himself talking about how that damned bey messed up his mind, what the hell was going on?

"Why you can't accept it? I suppose that thing helped me in my…in my action, an…anyway I would never use that as an excuse for me. Where have you gotten such an idea."

His eyes blanked few times and he had to shut them few times to regain some of his sight back. When he managed to get them almost full open his eyes met the shorter boy's legs. He looked up just to see his angry face looking down at him.

"So you talked with Yuri!"

Another time that name. His mind clouded and he had to fight against his own will to focus back on the statement. Has he lost part of their dialogue? He wasn't sure about his own answers anymore. What had Yuri to do with all this?

"Truly is long time I don't TALK with him. Why do you say this?"

"'CAUSE THIS IS THE EXCUSE HE GAVE US FOR YOU!!"

Ivan's snapping back was followed by a quick and powerful punch to his ex-friend stomach. The distressed teen bent his chest towards the dark violet haired teen. This one stepped back to see fully his victim now in pure agony. Kai's head was down between his legs covered by the fluent mass of slate navy hair as he clenched his arms to his waist.

Other steps were heard, this time going towards the shattered form curling up. They stopped just in front at the young blader who followed his movements from the corner of his eyes. His red eyes arose but he couldn't focus this person's identity even thought he could guess it.

"He defend you, he protect you," Sergey's voice was almost a whisper until he let his blue orbs rest on Kai's face and dragged him back to his feet slamming him against the wall. "THAT DAMNED QUEER IS DAMNED IN LOVE WITH YOU!!! He would have joined you at any time if you ASKED him to!!"

Kai smirked. The almost invisible grin was seen arise just to fade again.

"Maybe this is the worst of the punishment I could ever thought about…"

Now it was Ivan and Sergey's time to be surprised. Their resolution was near to be slashed in lots of pieces as they recognized in those shattered expression the cynicism so typical of their best friends. The abbey taught them to go straight on with all their proposes whatever they were, so that feeling screaming inside them was ignored and suppressed. They had to think about their captain right now and what they had to do for his safety.

Tears flowed out blue eyes as he moved his grip to the soft black fabric near Kai's neck and pushed him towards the wall another time making sure to press his crossed whilst against his throat.

"Our captain now has nothing anymore…he feels nothing. You have all and had taken away all Yuri could give to you without pay the price…Friend, we are sorry, make something, please."

Even the shorter teen was now crying as he stepped near the two other boys.

"A promise is still a promise, you know. Now is time for you to do something, because is time for all us to pay and keep our promise."

Kai smirk reappeared, this time in full force. Just more resigned and almost content. A calm peace relaxed his entire frame and also his mind stopped the pain.

"Maybe Yuri FEELS nothing, Ivan, but I'M nothing. I'll keep my promise, too. Nobody would stop my right punishment this time."

'Rei, Yuri forgive me. You can't excuse me that way without asking me nothing, so that's my choice, my promise, my way to die.'

TBC

Kam: A friend of Kam lent her 'Fallen' by Evanescence!!

Kai: So what, have you listen too many times 'Tourniquet'?

Kam: I can kill you also in a comedy, I don't need a CD to do that to you.

Yuri (overly scarred): Please don't do that!!

Kam: Maybe, maybe not…

Kai: You like a lot the word 'maybe' and also this '…'

Kam: Maybe… ! Anyway I've asked someone else to do the honours this time…

Yuri&Kai: ??

Rei: HEY! Please read and review or this could turn out Tala/Rei for lack of other characters!!

Kam&Yuri&Kai: …


	8. Saving my beautiful pain and torture

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

THANKS TO:

Bra-two: Thank you! I'm glad you liked my last chapter, hope you liked also the last ones and you will continue to like it. I'm wondering if my little work is worth for your favourite, can't believe you really did it! Please keep reading even if my work isn't so good as yours… (Japanese bend over)

MasterFranny: You are always to kind with me! I've got hard time at school but…now you have got your chappy. Riguardo il problema delle tue update spero che la cosa si risolva, cmq ti ho mandato una meil. Non è molto galante impicciarsi degli affari degli altri, ma davvero se posso esserti d'aiuto fammelo sapere. Poor Kai yesterday!!! You saw that?! Let's hope he survive there plus in this ficcy! Keep reading!

WhiteTigress666: You really think it is getting better? I thought it was getting worse! Thanks a lots for your review!! I hope you will going on with the reading even if I still don't know exactly how to fix the things I've broken…mmm should I make the things worse fore the two before settle this stuff? Really don't know…By the way: enjoy the chappy!

trunks-is-the-king: Yeah! They are great, aren't they? Anyway also Trunks is one of my fav characters with his charismatic father… (dreaming) … Vegeta could be sooooo sweeeet! Ehm, all right, I'm writing a BeyBlade story. Don't worry Bryan, Spencer and Ian are good guys deep inside themselves (very DEEP but still) and they won't kill him so you won't kill them even if I'll kill maybe K&Y in some other way, who can say it? Ya know, I'm getting too used to English name! I've mistaken few times writing this chapter (just in case you found Bryan or Spencer somewhere)! If you don't understand something don't mind to ask me because people don't understand what I say even when I speak Italian! Keep reading!

CHAPTER EIGHT: Saving my beautiful pain and torture.

Outside the Bey Blade stadium

The two DemolitionBoys were sitting just in front of the BeyBlade Stadium. Yuri placed himself on the stone wall which went around the steps side where it formed a 'L' so he could lent against something while Boris seated down on the step nearer the red head so he was just a little bit lower than his young captain.

Almost an hour had passed from Sergey and Ivan's departure and Yuri was starting getting worried. Boris had made a good job 'till he finished all his budget of chatting, which was pretty much empty from the beginning. Usually Yuri talked without interrupt himself to think for hours even if nobody listened to what he was saying, but now it was different and, hard to admit it, the entire DemolitionBoys team had miss it in the past few days.

All them were used to be pretty good listener, but it isn't so useful if you have no one to listen to. Boris thought that after have given him a task to talk about Yuri's mood would light up and he would distract himself commenting and pointing out every bit of it, but maybe he wasn't so good with plans as his captain was. He redhead looked distant and unaffected to him, like he missed the oblivious feeling of Vorkov's drugs.

"Boris, aren't Sergey and Ivan taking too much time to do their walking around? If Sergey wasn't the playboy number one at the abbey and Ivan the number two in taking caresses by the girls for his being smaller, I could think they are practicing in something else together."

A small smile curled Yuri's lips, but still it was a sad and cold one. It seemed almost unwanted, something pretty funny that came out from nowhere and nowhere he was going to lead. Maybe that was the proper time to catch the chance to make him talk and forgot about how long their friend 'walk' was taking.

"Well, Ivan is the number two just because you are the number one…and you are still gay."

"They came to me!"

'Bingo!' Yuri's voice seemed offended, but it was just a joke. This was one of the rare sides of Yuri's character, but it was one he knew and he knew he could play with. By the way, how many times had passed from he saw his captain smile? Sure Yuri's current one wasn't a true smile, but the question still remained. Thinking about it he never seen his team leader smile, because the last time he did was surely before that damn day in which Kai betrayed them all, first of all Yuri who asked him to stay away from Black Dranzer.

All this stuff meant nothing anymore, his lilac haired head had taken his chance at the proper time and now he was triumphant because he reached his point…because he fooled properly his best friend and captain. Maybe there wasn't so much to be triumphant about, but the comedy was still on, on in order to hide the tragedy behind it.

"What type of queer…"

Boris grinned at the redhead. Yuri smiled back proud at his remark and crossed gracefully his arms on his chest looking down at the lilac haired with a sense of superiority.

"Orphan raped queer to you."

Maybe Yuri didn't feel so bad anymore. Now he could joke about it, so things were setting themselves pretty well. He would pass over that fascinating two-toned haired boy, Boris was sure of it.

"Yuri…!!" Boris voice tone was both bored and annoyed to answer the joke, but quickly he found his serious self again. "It's all over for you now, you don't have to think about that type of things anymore, all will be ok so soon…"

Boris laid a hand on Yuri's leg in order to reassure him, but the red haired just turned sadder and sighed. Yuri felt something was out of his sight. Something didn't fill the situation portrait. First Kai's sad and desperate prey through those red magnificent eyes, then two of his teammate decided to go around Moscow without any reason, then all this cheering from Boris. His head pained from all the distress he had to endure and all the chemical stuff Vorkov put into him to make him full concentrated on his BeyBlade battle. Something anyway was beyond that, something cried in his heart.

A cold shiver passed through the blue eyed boy's back and he saw his beautiful Russian pleasure and torture reversed in a blood pool. That was what that bloody orbs was for him, that was what that bloody orbs in his mind revealed him. His attractive red pools weren't the ones he was laying in; it was his real blood, his own real blood.

That couldn't be, Boris promised and his teammate wouldn't even think to broke a promise or disobey him. A promise…Yuri panicked, but tried to seem still cold to his friend. It was time for old Yuri to come back with all his mind…but following his heart.

"I love Kai…it wouldn't stop…"

Trap was on, let's see.

"It will…" Boris eyes darkened, he couldn't stare Yuri's sad and truthful ones. "…maybe it is."

Another cold shiver. So that it was.

Yuri stood up quickly on his feet and jumped on Boris, straddled him and wrapped tightly his hands close to his neck. No sadness anymore, there was just anger and betrayal, just like it was with Kai. His love, anyway, had reason to do that while his friends did that on propose. Kai was somehow bounded to do that to him…were his friends too? Was all the world so against him that everyone was bounded to give him pain?

"You guys did something to Kai!!! Boris, you promised!!!!"

"Sergey and Ivan isn't me, cap. And anyway is already too late, to do something…YURI all is still over!!"

No time to listen to silly things anymore. His words lost themselves in the summer wind behind a red head figure, which crossed quickly the big square in front of the BeyBlade stadium and disappeared as soon in one of the small dark sideway of Moscow.

-Back to Kai's fight-

The two Russians looked down with both superiority and sadness at their half unconscious victim who was lying wrapping his arms around his own injured waist. The red orbs that few time before were smiling at the other two boys were now tight shut and another kind of crimson gave them life. Another kind of crimson, different from Yuri's soft hair, now mixed with the now splattered all on the ground blue-grey strands. Quick steps were heard coming towards them in the distance. Kai opened one of his almost blank eyes and tried to focus the person running towards them.

Just a hopeful light 'Yuri?' A light, his own light. Would really that light come here to search for him?

"KAI!! KAI!!"

A loud call pierced the street dark silence. The two DemolitionBoys looked at a certain point in the darkness of the alley as the calling repeated itself every time different echoing in the narrow pace they were located in.

In the meanwhile, listening to the indistinct voice, nothing made sense to Kai anymore. No clear sounds would be audible to him in the state he was. That voice, anyway, was too familiar to him to not be recognised. Too much pain had that boy brought him to forget. Slowly he tried to raise his head enough to have another point for his guessing. He saw someone dressed in white and after him…

…then another calling…

…his rival…

…his friends!

"TAKAO!! REI, MAX!!! KENNY!!"

The four guys had hardly found their teammate and thanks to Rei now they were fully informed about the entire story but the promise thing. Ivan and Sergey placed themselves between Kai and the upcoming group. Quickly the two teams prepared themselves for a BeyBlade match, but the fight stopped before it could even start. Kai managed to place himself between them even if he stood barely on his feet and he was breathing heavily.

The BladeBreakers were kept still by Kai's conditions, which, now, affected also Ivan and Sergey. They went maybe too far and still that couldn't end. The two toned boy tried to open his mouth to talk, but all of sudden his energy flew away from his wounds and he almost collapsed on his knees.

The six guys had just the time to make a single step towards him, before they were stopped by Kai's death glare.

"Please don't. Friends, I deserve it…I NEED it… Ivan and Sergey… are doing what they have to do… It doesn't depend on their will."

Kai's breath grew heavier any time more and was any time nearer to lost his balance another time. Whatever it happened he had to go on his propose this time. Nobody would stop him this time. He guessed wrong about his Yuri, the red head was just used to be a little bit cold if he wasn't sure if trust someone or not. Too late, all that stuff was discovered too late. He had never faced the cold side of Yuri, but it was normal have doubts about a friend so long lost…who betrayed you. And he had understood nothing, maybe, he had never known so well that fragile sculpture of ice…ice melted by his passion and now broken.

In his mind a young kid with long red hair played with a cube of ice and a light. Another child came over and placed himself next to the redhead. He hugged him so his blue-grey strands mixed with the flaming one of the other kid. 'What are you doing' 'You see this ice cube? It's almost white because it was too cold. Now I heat it up and look, it's becoming clear.' The two toned boy watched the ice turning transparent, but also every time smaller. The redhead went on. 'So beautiful now, isn't it? But if you use too much heat it turns in to nothing' The blue-grey haired teen watched the cube turn a perfect sphere to disappear a while after. He tried to catch the last drop of water flowing throw the other child's hand, but nothing remained in his hand. The red haired laughed and showed him a small blow where the ice cube stared, turned in to clear water. 'You can make it again, but next time will be different. You will know your limits, but the ice cube may have lost drops during the first process.' The redhead fixed his cerulean eyes on the one of the other teen red ones. 'You will be careful next time, will ya?'

A small cry led him back to earth where see his friends…all were crying for him. Will theirs and his own tears compensate the water drops lost all the way long?

"Kai! Rei told us all and we are still by your side. It wasn't your fault…"

The dark haired Japanese blader tried desperately to reach his friend, but Kai back fielded him another time even if his energy seemed about to end any time. The answer was all in that instinctive back fielding his own friends who wanted just to help him. Tears could not compensate plus he was not allowed another try because…

"IT WAS! Takao, this is my will…my wish. Please stay out of this."

Kai's voice had started almost hight pitched, but was turning in to a whisper any time more. Maybe like his resolution, maybe like a list cry for a phoenix bounded to die.

"Kai, look at you! You could die and this will be of any help neither for you or Yuri."

Kai closed his eyes at the painful memory of what he had done and simply stared there. He couldn't escape from the pain filling his heart caused by all the wounds all over him, at every level. Both at a physical and psychological level wounds started to open all of sudden and let his life energy slowly flow out from all the lives he lived.

Sergey and Ivan's punches and kicks, Sergey and Ivan's be betrayed and their pain. The BladeBreakers betrayal, how they accepted him back and how he failed to win against the DemolitionBoys still hurt both his heart and his pride. The wounds Yuri had to endure by his own hand were his own, deeply marked on his own soul and skin. How he failed to beat Takao in the Japanese tournament. How he ignored Yuri's advice to not use Black Dranzer and Black Dranzer's power itself.

Had he really failed so many times? A sort of mantra echoed in his mind from somewhere.

'All is over'

'Why?'

'I'll reach my true self, I'll reach the emptiness. I love you so much Yuri-koi, I'm so sorry…'

A red stream crossed his view. Then dark.

"KAI!!!!!!! "

All the BladeBreakers went near their team leader worried. This time no death glares were sent to them. The red orbs stayed close, as the breath didn't seemed to settle and kept his hard rhythm. Rei took in his arms the messed up teen and tried to clean the visible wounds with his bandana cursing his own injures that prevented him to fully help his distressed friend. In all this caring for the two toned boy just the two DemolitionBoys simply stared in shock at the bleeding figure at their feet. What had happened to them? How had they turned into the heartless demons Vorkov wanted for himself?

"Go…a…wa…y…

Kai tried to free himself from the Chinese's grip and he got it even if it too all his remaining forces. His comrade looked desperately at the beaten up form laying next to them on the cold ground. A last whisper, a plea…their captain.

"KAI!! "

Max tried to reach his friend's hand to be sure he was still alive, but the sound of a step near to them made him stop in the middle of his action. He looked up and saw the two DemolitionBoys.

"Go away, listen to him. Nobody could stop this, it is necessary. People sometimes are bounded to do thinks, you have no right to interfere if you are not asked to."

These last cold words destroyed at all what prevented Sergey to not cry. Soft tears made their way through Ivan's face too. Just a feeling…please, someone make us stop, someone ask that... Just the pain seemed answer.

Sergey prepared himself to going on with his torture as the BladeBreakers made sight of step away resigned. His eyes were full of tears, as he got ready to another punch. They matched the now closed ones of Ivan, waiting to hear Kai's last scream. They matched the now closed ones of Kai, waiting for his final breath…and they matched another pair of cerulean orbs half shut shining in the darkness…

TBC

Kam(weeping): Kai's dying…

Kai: C'mon, I'm pretty bad, but I'm still alive…

Kam: I didn't mean you…well I mean you but it was the you on TV! KAI!!! And Yuchan is crying!

Yuri: You don't suppose people over there can also knew just a few about G-rev?!

Kam: But…!

Kai&Yuri(holding Kam and glaring at her): No buts! It would be nice a REVIEW, in the meanwhile we'll take good care of her!!

Kam: Help?


	9. Bloody life and entangled truth

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

THANKS TO:

Bra-Two: Ehm, who said Tala's arrival will change positively the situation? I've got big plans for those two guys!!! Glad you liked the last chappy, hope you will like the next one too even if Kai is going to do nothing special. THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEW & KEEP READING!

Demita: Thanks a lot for all your reviews!! I've never recived so many e-mails all together!!! My Gosh you gave me a heart attack, ya know? Anyway crazy reviewer, crazy writer so let's start: _Chap2_-You really thinks is cool? Self esteem growing up!! Yeah, I made it up, when you find it in other places apologise the writer for me, didn't mean to steal. _Chap3_-I've made every chapter to intentionally scare my readers! _Chap4_-Cliff hangers are what keep a story alive!! _Chap5_-Life is made of flashback, ask and you will get your 'Rei's reaction'. The whole season?! If I had I would not screaming against TV to have suspended it or switch it to a who-knows-when time! Don't criticize your country's TV, here we are suffering…sigh! What's the meaning of Tala tied up with Daichi? I hate the twerp too, anyway. _Chap6_-Ehy! If it were so simple the fic would be over. I can tell you that you will have something nice in the tenth, but also… _Chap7_-Free interpretation, choose the one you like best. I meant both of them anyway. Don't worry anyway, I need him alive. _Chap8_-Tragedy is wherever, even when two soul mates meet. Anyway I mean angst not that they die physically. WOW, FINISHED!! KEEP READING!

Kai's Bunny: Thanks for your review! Sweet name by the way. If you are talking about the anime, I can't answer to you, I've not seen the end. Take the whole thing as a question mark and prey with me he is not dead…ok, that's silly! Please let it go and keep reading! At least in my ficcy he is still alive.

MasterFranny: Yez! CLASSICO!! And since we are both discipulae of the same type of school… please the giant fork, no!!! Anyway no solution for him in this chappy I'm sorry, it was getting too long. I don't know about the anime, that was Brooklyn's mind and Kai's bandages were too similar to Yuri's ones. Talking about that, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!! Where is my anime?! No advertisement, no advice!! Do you know something? Please, I'm going crazy…sigh! Thanks a lot for your reviewing, it always keeps me alive! Keep reading!!

Royal Jowsey: ?

WhiteTigress666: Thanks for your review and the New Year wishes!! Happy new years to you too!! Hope you will like the next chapter even if is more Yuri-centric. Keep reading!!

CHAPTER NINE: Bloody life and entangled truth

A pale figure stared against the darkness of the Moscow alley. The figure ran faster and faster as his heart was rhythmically pumping in his chest. Fast, faster whatever it happened. The young running boy almost felt it falling in pieces as it connected with his thin chest bones also near to break down. His lungs, paining for the cold wind they were filled of, pressed against his other internal organs burning because of the excessive work they all had to endure.

A small scream, just a gasp as the pale shadow disappeared from the sight. His colourless form was now confused with the white snow, which covered the ground. Just a messed up mass of red hair could prove there was a person laying down.

The breathless teen tried to catch somehow his breath, but he realised so soon he had no time to think about himself. He was in no time back on his feet…and in no time back down facing the wet snow.

Tears escaped from cerulean eyes as they owner realised he was just a mere human and he had reached his limits. Arms stopped to try and force his body up as the entire form laid there powerless. It barely trembled and shuddered as soft sighs were emitted almost unconsciously along with more and more tears quickly frozen by the cold wind, so that his eyes had almost lost their focus. So cold out of there, on the freezing snow. White snow…just like his own heart right now: cold and colourless. Soft white snow melted to just turn ice and preventing him to save his life.

A harsh breeze led him back to reality again, but it didn't give him the power to go back on his feet and keep his running up. Up towards his life, the person he loved…Kai…

Yuri tried a last time to gain his composure. Once back up he had enough time to make a single step towards his price. Legs couldn't work properly anymore, he slipped again. Few seconds resting and his whole boy still pained for the hard fatigue he had to endure and cried for more rest.

Fate would give it. The red haired boy's front head hit a small piece of stone ended there who knows how. Red hair became wet by their own essence turning out more redder than they were at first. Even the white snow assumed a reddish tone as it drank Yuri's red life…blood sure, but also his precious time to light back other precious bloody pools he needed to see…maybe just a last time. But all was dark for him, all was dark in both his mind and heart.

The harsh breeze messed the red mass of hair, but also discovered the pale face of its owner. Dried tears marked the smooth cheeks, as the bloodlike lips didn't move a bit.

'…all is still over…'

The wind blew harsher and faster as the lullaby kept going. Azure shined among the white surface.

'…all is still over…'

It couldn't be. His Kai was still alive. More cerulean lighted the whiteness of the young captain's face as his eyes opened wide.

'…all is still…'

He didn't give a damn of his limits, he was in time and he would prove he was right…just like he always was.

'…over…'

Yuri was back on his feet in a second and rushed ahead…as the wind continued his lullaby.

-------------

Steps were heard coming closer and closer. Half breaths cut the silence surrounding the group of bladers as they stared at their fallen friend. A small scream in the distance asked to be noticed as the cerulean eyed fell again unnoticed and fought with the white complication to be back on his feet and keep his running.

In the darkness of the alley and in his confused state of mind not so many things were identifiable but a blonde near to end his work with an almost unconscious two toned haired. Enough for his heart to break. Enough for his willpower to win against the desperation. Unnoticed.

Just the steps noise made the astonished bladers realise someone was coming, but then again no one had the will to see who was coming. Too bad would be discover that all they wishes would disappear with the illusion to see someone who would stop this absurd killing. Hope was in their hearts no more.

A prey, a wish…a scream.

"STOP!! KAI!! Please stop SERGEY, IVAN!!! My God, KAI!!"

Seven pair of eyes looked at the end of the barely illuminated street where a shadowy figure made his appearance slowly showing itself in the scarce light.

'Yu…'

Six pair of eyes of different colours stared at nowhere as the shadow turned in a red haired boy with soft tears spilling from his sky eyes. Kai had passed out. Just the running teen realised that, since all his attention was focused just on the two toned haired unconscious boy.

"What the hell are you doing here?!!!"

Sergey's question remained unanswered as a totally upset watery eyed passed quickly in front of him and reached the shattered form at his feet. He knelt down next to his prize wondering if the beauty laying there was just asleep or worse.

Ivan and Sergey stared at him a little bit angry, but also relieved that something had happened to make them stop. For no reason, anyway, they could accept it was Yuri, the person they wanted to protect, that stopped them. Their captain was supposed to don't see his raper again, now because of them they were back together.

Well, since they loved each other so much maybe it wasn't such a big deal, but they had completely failed their aim. Thinking better, they failed even before start beating their friend up, because a punishment is not so when the person you have to castigate accept it willingly. And Kai was too much willingly. He waited for them, he stopped his friends, who came there for help him. They had been just dolls in Kai's suicidal plan. They realised that as soon as they saw him in the dark alley, hadn't they? So why they went on?

Their answer was there, on that shattered and now abandoned in Yuri's arms face, on that cherry red lips…redder by blood and curled up in a sort of smile. Kai was their friend. Kai wanted to help Yuri and himself in his own personal way. They had to do that for Kai because… 'I need it'. The red eyed words echoed in their minds. Why the hell they had been so stupid?

Ivan and Sergey's line of thoughts was cut off by the unpleasant sound of their leader's crying and his short breaths as he tried to breathe even though tears and pain weren't going to allow him. Where was their stubborn captain now? The cold rational one that argued with Vorkov, that showed his teeth at Hito, that ordered them to go against the BladeBreakers without caring for their safety. He was still himself at that time…wasn't him? Who was the real Yuri, where was him? They weren't so sure anymore…

They saw the young red haired bent fully on the unconscious body he was holding as a his heart was pierced harder by the realisation he couldn't wake the other teen up. Yuri tightened his grip on him and pulled him in a more comfortable position. In this way his companions became able to have a flash of his face image. It was enough to break their hearts and the desperate cry that followed didn't help.

"MY GOD!! TELL ME YOU ARE ALIVE!! Kai…"

Wet crystals broke against Kai's pale skin, but they were quickly showed off by paler trembling hands, worried to not disturb that candid ground they were laid on and that now seemed more like a graveyard's one. Yuri held up the sleeping boy in his lap and put aside some dirty bans of hairs from the face of the young Russian in his arms replacing them with soft kisses. He hoped this way his friend would react someway and so he would know if he was dead or alive.

What will he do after that? How could he face the boy who betrayed him so many times, but still was all that kept him alive?

Alive. The handsome two toned haired at least could be so. Would be so. He was nothing anymore. With his tears was flowing out of him his own life. So abused this sentence, so abstract, just like his self was. It was not fully correct say his own life was flowing out of him, that would be a bless. To die with his love in his arms before he could open his eyes and…what will happen once cerulean meet another time red? Maybe nothing, who can say it? Maybe better don't know it and let the things how they were…and die. Don't suffer anymore, don't think anymore. Heart and mind together cold.

Along with his tears flowed out his own will to live, his strength, his willpower…his identity. 'If someone is listening, please, let me die before he sees me like this, before my dreams crash against reality'. What was now reality to him? Reality. His friends. His friends betrayed him, they didn't trust him. He showed him to be weak and they didn't trust him anymore.

Why.

"Sergey, why?! Ivan! I asked you to do nothing!! You promised!!"

Sergey and Ivan had thrown away their tears before Yuri could look up and see their faces. They were now fighting to sound as cold as they could, but it was a miserable attempt.

"Boris promised, not us. We promised to punish who broke our friendship instead, and we did."

Sergey's tone of voice was plain enough to be taken for true by the red haired, but his eyes still couldn't stand Yuri's. Ivan made a step back and hided behind his taller teammate ashamed of his own action. They both couldn't afford the boy's anger and almost hate.

The BladeBreakers stared shocked at the scene. They couldn't believe that the usually cold Yuri was reacting in such emotional way and their heart-guided friend was now between life and death. Takao, Max and Kenny were the ones more astonished. On one hand their teammate had told them Yuri loved Kai, and they were going to be on Kai's side whatever he did, but on the other hand they could never erase that, no one could. Rei told them something about Black Dranzer , but Yuri wasn't suppose to know that even if he could have guessed it…but still it was a nonsense. How Yuri was crying, how he held Kai…could really be possible that what happened hasn't affected the redhead's acting towards the person he loved?

Their gaze focused back on the crying form at their feet. They couldn't see his face, but they could recognise the broken voice of a weeping person. How many times had they heard that sound from Kai and Rei's room in these last days? And they believed the two when they said it was just a dream or a trick of their minds.

"How could you!! I'm not so weak I can't take care of myself and my revenge!!"

"Your revenge, Yuri? Is this your revenge, take care of your raper? Care for him? Cry for him?!"

Yuri was caught off guard by that. He hadn't realised the nonsense behind his actions, now he knew where it was. He was thrown back to reality he tried to escape, away from his safe dream in which just his love mattered. Now he was again facing the truth.

Yuri couldn't deny it. Kai couldn't deny it. Neither the DemolitionBoys nor the BladeBreakers. Ivan's almost hysterical note behind the taller form of his teammate broke in small fragments Yuri's heart and mixed his actual pain with another one that was laying down hided in his heart. Mind clouded once again and his fingers instinctually entwined themselves with Kai's ones.

He felt again the strong hands on his skin, the same hands he had always wanted doing that to him. His heart ached as it fought with what his mind was telling him: 'look at his eyes, there is just lust' 'fight back, you are stronger than him'. Was it really just lust? He couldn't tell. He was surely stronger than him, was he even stronger than it? The feeling was overwhelming like in his dreams, but something was missed.

Kai hadn't say a word. His lips had their way all along his body, but they never touched his owns. His eyes watched everywhere, but not on his eyes. His hands caressed his untouched skin, but they were also slightly trembling just like too much energy was struck all in a too small and weak body. The energy surrounding him was not the warm one he was used to know, it burned them both.

Why has his friends made him remember what he wanted so badly to forget? His eyes shut themselves and quickly reopened, but tears had clouded his sight. His mind with his dream of love denied him access as cold reality had discarded it, his clouded eyes kept him away from the reality itself. All of sudden he was alone with the aching pain of his heart.

He remembered himself recognise a familiar warm behind the burning energy he had to stand. That had been his sheet anchor, the hand handed to him in the danger. As he cried for be released, as he cried for him to stop he found out something for let the other boy continue his ministrations.

Betrayal and self-hatred. And no hope for tomorrow.

All became dark around him and slowly his fingers released Kai's ones still entangled with his…

TBC

Yuri: Let me guess, I ended unconscious.

Kam: Yeah!

Yuri(looking down at a sleeping Kai): Listened Kai? I've enjoined you. Now, Kam, how do you think to continue this with all the main characters out of order?

Kam(typing slowly): Let me work and shut up. I've got two ficcy and no one beta reader so I have to be careful. You do your work!!

Kai&Yuri: A suicidal writer tries to kill her characters, so if you love us Read and Review!!


	10. Know me and you will know yourself

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

THANKS TO: (I don't have so much time so I'll be short, anyway the following is the longer chappy I've ever written)

Bra-two: WELL WRITTEN?! YOU REALLY THINK SO???!!!! Thanks a lot for your review, anyway you are on my list called 'last people talking about being mean' (as I suppose to be in yours ;). Thanks again keep reading!!

MasterFranny: Bwaaa!! Voglio vederlo anch'io l'hint yaoi!! Perché la vita è cos� crudele!! Thanks a lot for your review I'll answer your e-mail after updating this stuff. As above, thanks again and keep reading!!

Rejiita: Welcome in my ficcy world!! Thanks a lot for your review! Hope you will find good also the next one, Keep reading!!

Demita: Sorry for the late update, but I had lots of problems including me in a car-bicycle accident and my parents forbidding me Internet since I survived. Yeah, I know I'm evil (modesty apart) and Kai&Yu are going to have a hard time even when they go together in next chappys. Something in this to have you happy, anyway. Thanks for your review and Keep reading!!

WhiteTigress666: Sorry for the late update even to you. I'm not mean…I just tell you things will get worse! Thanks a lot for you review, Keep Reading!!

Trunks-is-the-king: Don't worry if you don't find time to review, just do it when you can. I understand how school can be a bitch sometimes, just have a look on how much time passed since my last update. I'll know you are watching me from above(dramatic stares). DON'T GIVE UP YOUR STORY!! I cry each time a story I read is, don't do that to your readers! I'll e-mail you soon. Keep reading!!

CHAPTER TEN: Know me and you will know yourself

Yuri's body fell down, but careful hands were quickly there to hold him. Rei looked down at the pale form in his arms and saw cerulean half shut eyes staring at him sadly.

"I'm not so tough, am I?"

Rei knew no words to answer him. He had never seen the red haired Russian that way. They had met just few days ago, moreover as enemies, but he got Kai talk to him about his lover and he learned a lot of things about him. At least from Kai's point of view that couldn't be the strong and self conscious DemolitionBoys' leader.

His eyes were sad and tired, just like Kai's one before he let them in front of the BeyBlade stadium. Tired to escape, tired to suffer, tired to deny, tired to live. Maybe also tired to love so much without nothing was given him as a reward to his loyalty. Now he could realise the DemolitionBoys's shock and their extreme attempt to help their captain, but they hadn't been able to understand him fully and what they did in the end was just help them killing themselves. Just like he did with Kai.

He failed helping his friend, now his friend's lover asked him a sort of help too. Was he going to fail another time? Rei's hand laid on the every time paler red haired face and tried to soothe him.

"I think…you are, Yuri. Too much." Yuri stared at Rei's golden orbs without understanding.

"So is Kai." The Chinese added.

Yuri's eyes grew wider and then looked back at the sleeping form still in his arms. His sapphire orbs gazed over the bruised body to stop and stare at the pale face. Kai's sad smile was still there beautiful as ever as his heartbeat grew faster and faster. This time it wasn't a desperate beat, which destroyed all that was on his path, but a gentle and muffled one that led more blood to his own pale cheeks. A soft feeling spread again through his entire body, just like every time he hided behind a door to give Kai a last glance in this last few days…usually after have told him the worst of the things he was capable to think about.

"I've been cold with him…" He turned his face to see Rei's eyes back again. "…but I still love him! Just…I didn't want he to know that, because he didn't remember and he would have made a joke of my feelings."

The Chinese blader smiled at Yuri, receiving just a confused look.

"I know that, but Kai didn't. And his fear to be rejected made him think he would have never been with you again…as more than friends…"

"That couldn't be possible!" Yuri snapped back. A small hint of anger flashed in his ice blue eyes. "He was cold with me first and Black Dranzer's power…! I thought I had lost him forever!"

Rei stared at the Russian teen wondering how could those two have made so simple things a lot more difficult than they were. Now he could really say they had been born exactly to made up a couple. Stupid jokes apart they had now to realise how the things had worked up, maybe this way he would have saved even Kai. His friend needed to know that his beloved was alright and they could start again a new relationship. He hoped the whole situations would have worked out this way at least.

"You should have talk then. So should have Kai."

Yuri relaxed in the younger boy's arms and laid there hearing Rei's soft heat beat. So different by his one, so similar to Kai's. What if the Chinese blader was right? He had been sure Kai couldn't be affected by his proud way of acting, otherwise he would have never dare to hurt him. The Russian actually asleep in his lap was the most attractive guy he had ever met with his shining red orbs and the small mysterious grin he was used to give the others. And with him he was even more beautiful. His shy glare when they were child and the small hint of reddish that coloured his cheeks when their eyes locked together was what kept him alive all those scary years at the abbey. And all this despite his arrogance and straight.

The red haired captain looked back at his sleeping friend. Had he really been so frightened to loose him to let Black Dranzer use him that way? Was he really that worth for Kai?

"He is…he is sleeping, isn't it, Chinese?"

Yuri's trembling voice confused Rei a bit, then he understood. Those last days listening to Kai he learned to know the red haired teen. Who knows, maybe befriending with the DemolitionBoy he would have learned to know Kai.

"Yeah, he would be that way for few time still. You can cry if you want."

Rei moved so the Russian was free to grip his shirt and sob silently. As the raven haired closed his arms around the weeping teen, steps were heard in the distance. The remaining BladeBreakers positioned themselves as a barrier between the three boys resting on the snow and the upcoming figure, while the other two DemolitionBoys simply stared at the sound indistinct source fearing it was Vorkov.

The steps noise grew louder as a person shadow started to show in the darkness of the alley. A fear similar to the one of his teammate displayed also on Yuri's face. One of his hands instinctively led Kai's form nearer to him, the other wrapped up forcefully Rei's shirt. As the shadow turned clear Yuri's eyes shocked and both his arms wrapped around his unconscious lover.

"You!!" The Russian captain grip on the slate haired tightened…the other DemolitionBoys relaxed visibly.

"Boris, you are here!!"

The lilac haired gave a superior glare at both his companions, then focused on the three embraced teens down in the snow.

"How could you, captain? Kai betrayed you! He betrayed us all!!"

Boris went on along his path so the BladeBreakers were forced to move and let he keep his walking towards the three. This time was Rei's time to move between Yuri and the violet eyed fury.

"Let them alone, Boris, you did enough. At the moment they just need to forget."

"'They', raven haired? Are you sure your friend down there is of the same advice? You should ask him first. And Yuri."

Rei's golden orbs flashed in anger at the other boy's arrogance, but he needed more time to recollect things and answer back. Boris in his coldness was right. They weren't going to be saved willingly. Their despair was too deep. Too deep…

"Maybe you are right, but that's what friends are for. You should help them, not let them alone!"

"Alone?! We are all alone in this world, you are not going to change this. "

"They love each other! They have hope for tomorrow!! Why are you doing this, have you fallen for Yuri and you want Kai out?! Don't you realise you are getting him trapped alone in a sort of ice jail?"

The last sentence silenced (finally) Boris, as his lilac eyes stared hesitantly at Rei's golden ones. The silence fallen between them was so absolute that the Chinese could heard the Russian's brain working to find a proper answer. He had tried that way just for the sake of provoking him and having him less collected. He would have never thought the lilac haired had really a secret thing for his captain. He could even be jealous of the red haired…

"I've not fallen for Yuri, but even if I were it would be none of your business. Anyway, I had never hurt him whilst Kai, loving him or not loving, did!! It happened really!! Yuri has to admit it to himself before is too late!"

"Is never too late, Boris…"

"You will see…just let me wake up Kai."

The lilac haired passed by Rei and knelt down near Kai. Cerulean wolf orbs fixed on him full of anger. Since the red head was not going to let his two toned haired teen willingly Boris looked up at him and tried to persuade him with one of his death glares, but it just made Yuri's one wilder.

"Since you guys seem to have finished deciding for us, let ME talk. That's my life, my body, my lover. I can make a decision myself."

Boris grinned evilly, then he made an imperceptible nod to his other two teammates. Yuri shocked in fear as he understood what was happening, but he had no time to react because two pair of strong hands wrapped around his arms leading him away from the beautiful slate haired, who now laid on the cold snow at Boris' knees. The DemolitionBoys' captain yelled and tried desperately to free himself, but all his attempts ended in nothing.

"Kai has to awake, Yuri. Now or tomorrow, you have to confront him someday!!"

Yuri stopped his vain challenge, but all his frame frozen in hate as he stared at his friend. Boris didn't reply his glare and focused on Kai's smooth sleeping face.

"Don't dare touching him!" Takao had just enough seconds to make a single step towards the group before be cooled by Boris' glare.

The young Japanese recollected immediately and tried to go forward, but Max and Kenny, who were worried the lilac haired boy could go through his warning, stopped him immediately.

Boris gave them a quick glare, then he looked back at the Chinese blader.

"I need your hands."

"What?!"

The cold Russian took Rei's hand, placed them above Kai's face and then filled them with snow. His position wasn't so good and the scares he still wore from his BeyBlade match with the violet haired pained. Thanks to Rei's hot hands and its already half melted state the snow turned quickly water, which fell directly on Kai's face when the raven haired lost his balance… just to be stopped by Boris' arm before fall over his friend along with the water.

"You have lost your balance." Stated the lilac eyed.

"Thanks, I didn't noticed. Anyway is your fault and don't dare touch me again!!" Snapped back Rei.

The Russian stared happily at the raven haired boy, who was now looking confused at him.

"Why do you think Kai and Yuri can forgive themselves if you also are not going to forget? You really think people like us can do something that not even a person like you can do?"

What Boris had said was true, he wasn't ready to forgive him, so why he thought for his friends would be that way? Wait a minute. Yuri had forgiven Kai. He actually didn't know how, but he DID, hadn't he?

A slap noise was what brought him back to reality. He tried to focus the sound source and saw the lilac haired knelt over the unconscious red eyed. He knew Yuri well enough to say nothing could be done to hurt Kai in front of him, so why was now letting Boris do that to him? Another slap and the motionless form resting on the snow started moving slowly.

Yuri felt his heart jump in his throat and his entire frame frozen, but also shacking with a strong energy that from his heart was lead all through his body, especially to his cheeks. Wait there, run away…run to him. All those feelings pumping in his heart and throughout his self.

Fingers moved and tried to grab something, but they just gripped at nothing but the white snow they were laid on. Head lowered instinctively a bit, while his still bloody red lips curled to just rest there a little more open then they were before. Eyes shut themselves tighter before slowly open to the light.

A scream. Yuri caught his friends by surprise so he could escape quickly from their grip. Desperation filling it, his own body had decided what was right for Yuri's sake...maybe.

Confused bloody red orbs opened just to find a pair of clear as pure water ones staring worried at him. His body this time didn't reacted as it always did. No passion, no desire this time…he stared sad at that image like that was just another illusion.

He could focus nothing more than the cerulean bright eyes of the face above him, but they were the same looking at him few seconds before he fell unconscious after using Black Dranzer the first time…right before forgetting them. A muffled sound reached his ears, but he couldn't define that even if he knew they were words spoken by the red haired above him. He saw his misty lips move and this way they slowly gained a definite contour and their cherry red tint. The entire face started to delineate itself and he recognized the regular features and pale skin a little bit tinted of pink. His two long red bangs just made him more handsome and wild, just like the medium length hair shaped as wolf ears or red wings…wait a second. The child of his dreams had always had shining hair long to his bottom. Had he mixed the two different images he had of Yuri?

Kai shocked forcefully his head and tried to sit up. When he opened back his eyes the red haired was still there worried. His sight wasn't still so good, so maybe it was still an illusion. A really handsome illusion though. He remembered himself being beaten up senselessly by his ex-teammates, after that just darkness. Now he saw just white. Yuri's candid clots confused their outline with the snow one. Has his lover succeeded in ending his life and now they were together in Heaven? He couldn't be in Heaven after what he had done to Yuri. Maybe the redhead committed suicide. Now they were in Hell together and it seemed Heaven just because the cerulean eyed was there with him.

"Kai you woke up!"

A chorus greeted him, but it wasn't a heaven's one. He looked around and saw both his teams staring relieved at him. So he was alive. So that was reality. So that was his Yuri. He had thought thousands of words to tell him, to say sorry, but his throat was now dried and no word could be spoken. His heart stopped its beat and his cheeks lost color as remorse fell over.

"Kai, you look so pale." Yuri's hand cupped Kai's chin as his worried eyes pierced the red ones of his companion. "How do you feel?"

Kai felt lost in the Russian redhead's touch. All his fear melted as his self vanished in the deep pain in his heart and his bloody eyes became a pure mirror of his lover watery ones. Warm pain mixed with so much pleasure he couldn't bear it.

"How do I feel?" A whisper came out alone, as it was Yuri's statement mirrored back.

Yuri smiled at him as he felt the same energy flow throughout his body. Mirror of each other they were back child again when it didn't matter 'me' and 'you', because 'me' were 'you' and 'you' were 'me'. Maybe that was the real tragedy behind that, the situation human couples were supposed to escape. When 'we' disappear along with the two self it was shaped by, just two 'you' remain that will be condemned to lost themselves forever when something happens.

Lost in each other smiles, in each other eyes, just sadness fell over.

"Everything will be fine, now that we are back together. It seems I was right after all, you weren't in yourself so no blame on you."

Yuri's smile became slowly less sad and more confident as his eyes didn't stopped staring at Kai's beauty. The young slate haired instead felt every time less comfortable and quickly slipped out Yuri's hands range. At Yuri's perplexed and worried expression he just answered lowering his head enough to let his front blue hair hide his red eyes with a dark shadow.

"Kai…"

The red haired teen's plead just made the other boy low his head even more. Without rise it, Kai forced himself to knelt in front of his lover and bent down 'till his front head touched the white snow.

"I'm sorry…I've tried…to kill myself…this way. You have the right…to do that by…yourself. It was my fault…and I need to pay." Soft tears melted the snow below Kai's head. "I grew up in Japan…that's my way to say sorry…to what I've taken away of you…I've got nothing my own, just my life and…"

Kai arose his head enough to see Yuri staring at him without even a little movement. Maybe Yuri was thinking to accept his offer. That lead him so much serenity, but also so much pain. Once he ended his life, he would have never seen him again. Then a realization came back to his mind. His life was never his own because…

"…without you I have got not even that."

Yuri did nothing more than listen serious at the man he loved, then he went near him and helped him sit down properly, in a way that Kai's scars wouldn't hurt. The red eyed just let the Russian redhead doing what he wanted since he thought he has preparing him before kill him. He had all the rights to think so because Yuri's smile was fully disappeared and no words were spoken in a long time.

When he was sure the red eyed was comfortable enough, Yuri grabbed Kai's shoulders and locked his cold eyes with Kai's ones.

"I suppose our teammates told you you stole all of the things that were mine, but they don't know how the things worked out that day and, as I can see, neither do you."

Kai stared at Yuri perplexed and waited for the red haired to continue.

"Yeah, you…better, you because of that damned dark bey…raped me." Yuri fought against his own voice, which wasn't willingly come out, but he won his match. "And before that I've already given you my love and my devotion. But you let me something that I consider as important as my now lost virginity, so I can share it with the person I love, when I'll find it. For some people a kiss means more then a fuck, didn't you know that?"

Yuri's grip on Kai's shoulder tighten and the two toned haired Russian waited for his lover final outburst. He was sure it was near to come when he saw his companion's nose few inches from his own.

"For the person I love, you let me…" Now also Yuri's lips were extremely close to Kai's ones.

The BladeBreaker closed his eyes shut and wished he could even isolate his ears. Impossible thing if you are barely sit down and a single movement would have you collapsing. Pure fear was the only feeling flowing in his veins right now. His heart stopped hearing Yuri's last words…

"…my first love kiss."

World vanished for both Kai and Yuri as the slate haired felt a warm softness on his cold and wet with tears lips. His red eyes opened slowly and he realized fully what the red haired teen had done…he had just kissed him. He was still kissing him…

Every fear disappeared and his mind cleaned as Yuri deepened the kiss pushing his lips each time harder against Kai's own. The two toned haired just let the other teen doing. He felt like the bliss would have ended when he moved, so he simply closed his eyes back and enjoyed the kiss.

Time ended his regular flowing and the kiss seemed would continue forever. Yuri's thought ran desperately in his head as his heart and body threw him closer to the boy who hurt him, but now was awaking nothing more of pure desire and lust inside his self.

The cerulean eyed captain deepened more the kiss, so his lover felt his wet tongue asking for entrance, which was quickly given. Kai ended the tongue fight after just a while and let quickly Yuri be dominant. As the kiss continued the redhead's hands had their way along Kai's sides 'till they reached his waist and moved as the older Russian held closer his younger companion.

The red eyed boy on the other hand just tried and moved one hand on Yuri's shoulder, but quickly stopped his track as he felt him shudder a little under his touch.

Kai had almost loose all his breath and no rational thought was in his mind anymore, just the insane passion for (but also 'from') the red haired kissing him. His entire frame screamed for show the redhead he same pleasure he was currently receiving. He just needed to kiss back even if his lungs were screaming for air, so he just did it.

The kiss ended. Kai felt the cold air on his lips and his hard breath and opened his eyes. Yuri was in his same condition, but in his eyes seemed to shine another feeling aside passion. Was it confusion? Yuri's shy smile comforted him, but the strange light in Yuri's eyes wasn't so alright with him, even because now there was a lot more distance between them.

"I love you Kai. Kill yourself and you will kill me, please don't do this to me."

"You sure you are all right? I don't want you suffering…another time."

Yuri's expression grew colder and angrier as he started screaming.

"Why you all think I'm not good in taking my own decision!! I'm a team leader and my team is the number two of the world!! I suppose I'm good in taking decision after all!!!!"

The red haired teen started crying hysterically and Kai decided trying and soothing him in a distant way to be the best choice. He brought himself closer without touch him and smiled at him.

"We are just worried about you, please, forgive us all."

Yuri calmed down, then answered Kai's smile and kissed him another time. Soft tears traced their wet trail on the redhead cheeks and Kai reached them instinctively to brush them away.

Then a scream was heard.

Again.

TBC

Kai: All right: we talked, we kissed, we cried…but what was with the last scream?

Kam: 'more complications arise'!

Yuri: This sound familiar to me…ANYWAY I'M NOT CRAZY!!

Kam: Ehm…my ficcy, honey, I'm sorry.

Yuri: It means I'm the DICTATOR!!

Kam: Yes, dear, now: GO ON!!

Kai&Yuri: …

Kam: Please?

Kai&Yuri: Kammyh is in a bad mood AS ALWAYS, so we AS ALWAYS are near to get killed. If you want us to live READ this crazy ficcy and let a REVIEW!!!


	11. Touch my heart, don't touch my skin

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

THANKS TO:

Bra-two: All right, my bad this time too. That was a (bad) translation from Italian. What I wanted to say is that I begged you not to be mean with your charas, but in my story I'm not an angel too. Boris nice? I thought it was cold enough to suit the anime character! Anyway I needed a friend for Yuri, with a violent one he would kill himself in two minutes! THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR REVIEW! You are really nice! Keep reading!

WhiteTigress666: Really hope also this chappy is good enough! Really THANK YOU for reviewing, answers in the chappy so…Keep reading!

Rejiita: Shorter chapter and no kisses, hope you like it though. THANKS for your review! Keep reading!

Trunks-is-the-king: Really sorry! I SWEAR I tried! Got problem with the e-mail, can you send me an e-mail first so I car use the reply button? My e-mail address is the same it is on my bio-page. School is a huge mess for me too, but thanks to the one I frequent now I meet good friends. THANK YOU for your reviewing! I won't give up my story, but you keep reading!

Shady gurl: Next chappy is here, hope you like it. THANKS for your review and Keep reading!

Hixku: Is it HieixKurama? Please tell me! I've never tried to read it all together so I don't know if it is really so long…I trust you! I'm REALLY REALLY glad you liked the angst, I love it too! THANKS A LOT for your review, please keep reading, hope you like the next one.

MasterFranny: 'Course I do! I LOVE YOUR STORIES, remember? Destroy someone's life just to put it back together… I LOVE literature! Ok, mine isn't literature, but still it is my source of inspiration! THANK YOU for your reviews and e-mails!

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Touch my heart, don't touch my skin

Vorkov's abbey

"You damned stupid guards! How came you lost them! You know how much time and money we invested on them!"

The director was literally fuming as he yelled against the two guards, who where supposed to look after the DemolitionBoys team through the cameras. They were both scared to hell and full aware they had to try all the ways they were capable to think of to have their life saved.

"Please, it happened all of sudden!" One of the guards, a typical Russian strong build man with short blond hair and light blue eyes, fell on his knees in front of the violet haired man screaming at him, and tried to protect his face with his arm. "We followed your orders, and didn't report you Ivan and Sergey's absence having still the other two. They started talking, then without warning Yuri jumped on Boris and ran away quickly followed by his teammate. We tried to activate the other cameras, but they were out Red square yet and we weren't able to catch were they ran to in time!"

Vorkov clenched his teeth and punched the guard directly on the ribs.

"I don't give a shit of your fking excuses!" The director was about to punch the guard another time when a realization came suddenly to his mind. He grinned happily to himself then looked back at the man at his feet. "Lucky day for you Miša, I'm sure I now know how find those little wares and I've also got a great plan to turn this whole little situation at our advantage. Your failure can really turn out to be useful for us…maybe this time I can even let you alive."

"You mean?"

"Kai gave me the chance I was searching for have them in my power, now for your stupidity I know how to use it at my advantage."

The guard looked up confused at the director but he just met two blurry orbs shining in madness.

Back at KaiYuri-

Another scream was heard piecing the cold air of Moscow. All the guys in the alley stared in shock at the two couples of boys embraced down in the snow as a small whine followed, along with a silent desperate crying. It happened all of sudden and just two people had enough time and consciousness to understand what had just happened. That was the reason of that continuous crying. Understand what reality was. Understand that the one they were living in was not a dream anymore.

Dream time was ended lots of years ago. Maybe it never started.

A soft sound of caressed hair mixed with the sobbing, quickly followed by arms moving around a lithe waist. No one of these sounds shocked the other guys out their standing.

"Shh… shh…" Rei wanted to add few more words, but he quickly realised he had no one. Butterfly kisses were placed here and there on the smooth form laying in his arms as he started lulling him back and forth.

Kai laid still with his back at Rei's chest with his arms placed powerlessly at his sides and his legs forgotten partially spread open in front of him. The vibrant energy he felt few seconds before was entirely gone now as his and Tala's kiss abruptly ended. It seemed the energy was still there where they parted and his quick falling backwards in Rei's embrace prevented him from keeping it and his own soul. The slate haired boy now felt as he had nothing inside him to keep him alive. He just stared there. With his eyes fixed on another form in another's arms.

If it were another situation, another world, he would have asked that person why, but this was the reality he was in. Dropped on the cold snow their own masks, what all this mess really was now turned out as clear as the sky above them. As clear as the eyes that the person in front of him was now hiding from his view… in a chest that didn't belong to him. So sad to admit that, but maybe Boris guessed right this time. Them both had believed all was alright, had tried to convince themselves that all was alright. Now they knew it would never be. No more.

The other form trembled as it continued his endless sobbing. The grip on that fragile frame was a lot more powerful than the one holding him… and the little shadow enclosed in those arms seemed search even more contact. It was all right. A scared friend searching for his best friend consolation. All so perfectly clear and logical. How the things had to work out still from the beginning. So, why was he so jealous of the other two embraced boys? He was in Rei's arms, but the other seemed don't care about that. Maybe because he didn't noticed. What noticed Yuri after all?

"I've told you things weren't so simple, my friend. I can't believe you have been so silly to think you could handle all this alone, and your stupid way of acting made the things work out for the worst."

Boris cold words were just cold swords of ice piercing his heart and keeping it prisoner of his own desperation, but Yuri needed him. Now he lost his last hope to be with his lover, he needed at last his friends…even if they betrayed him. Even if they thought he couldn't put two after one, they were better than nothing.

"I don't know" Continued the lilac haired. " if things would have worked out in a different way if you had accept what happened when it happened, but surely you wouldn't be so distressed right now."

Boris tightened his grip on Yuri under Kai's jealous red eyes. The Russian captain buried his face even more in his friend's chest and continued his weeping. He didn't hear Boris's words, just perceived their coldness. He didn't see Rei's arms tightening their grip on his beloved raper. He just knew one, single thing: his life was ended.

He wanted so desperately those hands to touch his shoulder when they first kissed, but something happened and he founded himself far from his love. A light between that hand and his body had appeared and slapped him away from the two toned haired. Sort of. But back to that kiss he 'knew' it was just because the lack of breath. He 'knew' it that time, what he really knew now?

Their last kiss. Kai wanted just show him they could start again… and ended up showing both of them it would NEVER start again. A desperate full of love touch. So quick that he didn't see it, he saw just the same light perceived before hitting him, shocking him, making him fear again the touch he longed for so many years. He hadn't been able to stop that fear, that pain, and suddenly he founded himself safe in Boris's arms. The arms of a friend. What was the meaning of all that? Maybe that he would never be safe in arms that weren't the ones of one of his friends? Was he going to have no one who could love him more than that?

People lusted on him, wanting him to be theirs or just to watch . He knew for Kai it wasn't that way, because for him was the same. Being the best blader around was just something added to a luscious beautiful body. Just a body they both were. He knew that years ago, but now he wasn't so sure what to believe. His body wasn't of the same advice his heart was. What he knew now? All was ended, that was what he knew for sure. What that 'all' was he wasn't equally sure of.

A sound woke Yuri up from his thoughts. Someone was moving. A special someone, that's why he knew he was moving, otherwise he would have never sensed that soundless sound.

Kai had barely found the energy to move from Rei's embrace and was trying to go near his Yuri on all fours. His sight darkened quickly but the red haired boy's hands were there to hold him.

"Kai! Kai please tell me, are you ok?" Yuri's sky eyes were now almost red from all the tears he cried and fixed on Kai's pale face. "It is all my fault, Kai. I'm so sorry."

Red orbs questioned sapphire ones. Was that self-destructing person in front of him really the man he loved? His hand tried to reach Yuri's cheek, but few inch before touching him the redhead winched away leaving his hand to reach the cold breeze.

"Don't be silly, you know it is my fault. Is my fault why I can't touch you anymore and also why you can't fully realise why all this is happening to you. Why I can't do…one single thing right in my life?"

Yuri watched and, without he could do one single movement to prevent this, Kai's eyes were quickly full of tears. For a strange joke of the Fates Kai's head tilt allowed his tears flow through his cheeks 'till his lips. Tears of pain shined on those red lips Yuri could kiss, but that couldn't kiss him back. The symbol of their trapped passion.

"Don't say that. I'm here for you, no matter if I'm going to live without your touch on my skin."

"No, Yuri, you can't. And me neither. I can't live without you let me touch your heart through your skin. I want you to be happy this time, not just barely stable with your mind."

"My…My mind?" Yuri appeared confused. His mind was working how it usually worked, wasn't it? What was the meaning of Kai's words?

"You can't really think is common for people sexually offended think they are source of pain especially for their raper."

Kai just stared at those misty cerulean eyes above him and which held just confusion. Why was this happening to them? Why to Yuri?

Water met what survived of devouring passion as the two stared at each other. It was almost extinguished, but it still staid there in Kai's red eyes, what remained of their trapped passion as the water of Yuri's orbs passed by becoming vapour between them.

"Indeed they do." Boris's voice broke the silence fallen between the two guys. "I'm a better psychiatric than it seems and I can tell you that more or less Yuri is a topic case thanks to you."

"Are you really Yuri's friend! He is totally out of himself and you are naming him a 'topic case'! How can you be so cold!"

Rei's out-burst shocked the other teams out of their shock, but still they couldn't do anything but noticed how their captains could act so different by their usual behaviour. They wanted see them react, but all they saw was them falling each time more in their self-destructive mode.

Strangely enough their prayers seemed perceived by the redhead actually unnerved by their best friends arguing.

"Stop that!" He ordered. "We don't need you two say what it is and what is not!"

The old Yuri…just for few seconds. All his attention was quickly back on Kai, in time to see his flaming eyes close in pain. Down in the young slate haired teen's chest a dark red spot was quickly becoming bigger and bigger. Sergey and Ivan paled. They had never use something sharp against their friend, were all that blood came from?

Kai coughed and more blood was added to the top Kai was wearing.

"KAI!"

Yuri pressed the weak boy in his arms tight against his chest and his candid jumper quickly turned out red. Just like his soul, now even his clots wore the mark of Kai's sufferance.

"Yuri…it isn't so bad, after all. If I can't have you happy… than I don't want you…"

The sky eyed wrapped his free hand around Kai's close one near his chest. He knew what kept there the slate haired boy. He knew it the same way he knew himself. A piece of glass. Maybe from the thousands broken windows in the poor side of Moscow alleys.

Yuri's hand clenched around the sharp piece of glass and stared at the falling drops of his own blood mixing with the red essence spilling from Kai's chest. The slate haired just stared at the red and white form above him with confused and misty eyes.

"I'll follow you. I know you don't want me to, so… don't dare to die…I warn you…"

One of Yuri's eyes moved to hold the red eyed tighter, the other back to Kai's neck supporting his head. Watery eyes were just few inches from his lover's ones, their nose almost touching. The red haired teen made their front-heads touching and closed his eyes. A single tear appeared from the corner of his eyes and laid on the forgotten piece of glass near them on the snow.

The BladeBreakers captain relaxed as he felt the softness of his childhood friend's skin on his. Now he understood Yuri's obstinacy and his strong determination were just the one of a full of love heart. Maybe that was the time for him to start to follow his heart again with another consciousness by his side. So Yuri would have start again to think with his mind, the rational mind he loved and that were used to soothe and protect him.

Let's just hope, it isn't too late. Let's just hope the tragic epilogue could be reversed. In Kai's eyes the flame burned one last time with all the intensity the young boy was capable to put in them. After that, just dust.

TBC

Kai: YOU KILLED ME!

Kam: Who said it? Anyway, if you want in the next chappy I'll tell about your funeral and how Yuri kills himself…

Kai: What you are trying to tell me!

Yuri: You should use your mind in this case…

Kai: Meaning?

Yuri: How can Vorkov try to kill/use us if she kills us?

Kam: I love you so clever Yuchan!

Kai: So all this isn't the end! AM I DEAD!

Kam: Well, I don't know and you can say it could turn out a beginning! Now…

ReiBoris: PLEASE read and review! If you want to, PLEASE make a note if you want a Rei/Boris part or whatever pairs you would (or better wouldn't) like to see in!

KaiYuri: Why that?

Kam: Just I don't want to loose my readers…

Kai: Well, you should don't try to kill characters every time and learn English first. Not to mention quicker update.

Kam:…


	12. Oxymoronic Seduction

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

THANKS TO:

Trunks-is-the-king: Who said I killed Kai? (Who said I didn't?) I wait your e-mail…my I would kill to have 90 messages to read just like you, usually I got just three or four… Thanks for your review and Keep reading! This time Yuri's back on full force!

WhiteTigress666: Sorry for the late update, I couldn't help it since school is really killing me. Thanks for your review! Keep reading and don't worry so much about Kai…it can turn out worse.

Demita: I'm really sorry I confused you even if I have to admit that I'm doing this on purpose. Mind to tell me why you were so sure it couldn't have been Yu or Kai? Because they were too busy doing something else with their mouths? Anyway the point is: Yu and Kai are the proud and arrogant boy we all love in BeyBlade and think their own way. Yuri suppose to can handle what Kai did to him, erase the fact and continue the relationship they had before Kai used BD and went away the abbey. His body simply isn't on the same advice and react bad when Kai try to touch him again. Instinctively he scream in fear and can't help escape the contact. Boris and Rei since they are their best friends take care of them. That's all. By the way, Kai isn't mean to me, don't worry he will find a way to fix things someway. What's BTW means? Anyway yes, I'm learning English at school even if it seems I'm an untalented learner studying it by herself. Thanks for your review and Keep reading!

MasterFranny: Ancora Giant Fork! Non è mica giusto, tu devi ancora updatare!(Kammyh pouts) Anyway say your friend there that I'm glad to met it for the second time. Was it in chapter three or four? Anyway thanks a lot for your review and e-mails! Keep reading!

CHAPTER TWELVE: Oxymoronic Seduction

A sweet smell of snow. Still it was too warm around him to accept the chance he was outside. Still outside, if he remembered it the right way. So, where this familiar smell came from? He knew just one person who smelled like that, but he was supposed to be dead, dead two times at the same time…

FlashBack

Kai's form laid almost lifeless in Yuri's arms as the redhead stared shocked at his lover's pale and motionless face.

"Kai! Kai!"

The red eyes opened a bit again just to see the sapphire ones they loved so much full of tears. Then all started getting confused: Kai's head hurt, all lost his outline. Then Boris and Rei ran to them, they positioned around Yuri…and the moment he closed his eyes before pass out he saw his lover's body falling almost lifeless in his friends' lap.

End FlashBack

Still the smell was there. Still his heart was beating in his chest telling him he was alive and maybe to dye wasn't so simple as it seemed. Then he felt warm also in his veins as his blood was finally unfrozen enough to run. How much time passed since he felt so right?

Again that smell…he was really near to turn out crazy this time. Definitely. He needed to open his eyes and see if that person was there. Wait. Why would he be there? How? Maybe the better choice was do what certain philosophers were used to do, when they were sure something couldn't be that way: don't even considerate the opportunity and get away with that. He was sure it couldn't be that person, so, why open his eyes? Again…

Kai's eyes slowly opened, but the light was too intense for him to stand. Was he in paradise? All would be logical if he was there, but it wouldn't be the reason why he was there. Better try again, again just for that charming smell that surrounded him…

"Lover…" Mumbling the red eyed teen opened his eyes, but he met a face he would have preferred not to see there. My…

"Hi Boris." Stated coldly the young captain.

He moved and sat in a more comfortable way. During the process his eyes took a glare at the side of his bed and discovered a chair. A chair on which seated the most handsome sleeping man he could have ever imagine about. Kai laid on his side on the soft pillows and took his time admiring his personal sleeping beauty.

"So, I wasn't so wrong at all." The slate haired almost giggled as a small tint of reddish marked his cheeks.

Yuri's head was gently reclined at his side, the well featured chin up as the red hairy head rested on the wall behind him. Silky red strains made a beautiful frame for the pale skin, faintly tinted of reddish at the cheeks. Red could be also noticed around the Russian shaped eyes and on the slightly open lips. So masculine, yet so beautiful. So handsome, yet so feminine. Now he remembered what it felt let himself be enchanted by the proud DemolitionBoys' captain. The same way Yuri fell each time he looked at him. His presence and irregular breathing told him that.

Kai's staring at the red head unnerved his violet haired fellow.

"You are in hospital," Stated coldly Boris staring at Kai's back. "behave yourself. Stop staring at Yuri, you don't want to wake him up, do you? He needs to rest."

Kai turned and laid on his back turning his face to the lilac eyed teen. His arms spread at his sides so Boris could have a full view of his bare chest just clothed with white bandages. Red smart eyes looked up to meet violet ones as a little smirk crossed the bloody red lips. Self-conscious and seduction were barely hided. The cold DemolitionBoy gulped at the spread all over the sheets form of his former friend. Maybe he wasn't so hetero after all, anyway the creature in front of him looked just like a bloody tinted eagle ready to kill every one who let himself being trapped by his beauty.

"Mind to tell me what happened, before you drool all your saliva at my body?"

Boris quickly recovered as the grin on Kai's lips turned a true cheerful smile…not loosing a bit of his charm. Better, that gave him even more sex-appeal.

"Quit the charming, traitor, you should have died, you know?"

"Yeah, I should have, but I'm glad I had the opportunity to see Yu again." Kai's glare faded as he remembered what had happened between them the last time they had met. "I still don't know how happened, maybe I have to think more before do things. Anyway I don't have any hope now, no more."

Kai sadly turned his face at the sleeping redhead wondering about nothing in particular. This way he didn't saw Boris turning mad and holding his head with a hand.

"How can you still think that! You are really a nutshell!" Kai looked back at his friend and Boris fixed his eyes back on Kai's red ones. "I had a little talk with your friend Rei before and I suppose now I'm bounded to believe him when he says you two guys think too much!"

"I see you are making friends with my guys, better for me." Kai's self conscious glare was back there where it was supposed to stay.

"Better for you! Please Kai, I hate you, but I still believed you to be a smart ass. Tell me you really weren't thinking I had feelings for my captain that way!"

Kai shocked and his face grew a deep shade of red as he searched a new subject on which focus his attention. He thought that to be an interesting matter last time he thought about all the things that were between Yuri and himself, but now hearing that from his cold friend it sounded really silly. How happened Kai Hiwatari thought silly? He threw at the lilac eyed boy one of his bests death glare, but Boris wasn't the type to give up so quickly. The death-glare battle started.

"Your love affairs aren't something of my concern, you just remind to take your hands off my Yuchan. By the way, I think you just woke him up."

Yuri's moan was heard and the battle ended as them both looked at the young captain as he moved a bit, still not waking up. Sleeping beauty was still asleep, but they both had interrupted their staring. This time it was a draw.

"Shut the hell up, Hiwatari, is just your fault if he is this way. You destroyed him mentally and physically, then you tried to commit suicide… how could have you even thought he could handle all that by himself? We tried to help him, but he needed YOU. He lost consciousness as he saw you close your eyes… HE thought you were dead for hell's sake! And WE thought he would have followed you! Then when he recovered, he stayed there to watch over you without resting a bit…all along this last four days…"

"Four days? I stayed this way so long?"

"Yeah, and he was here by your side." Boris anger seemed less powerful now, Kai could even think he really heard a sigh come from the older Demolition Boy. "You should think less, ya know?"

"You already told me that. You are strangely acting like Rei...wonder to know what happened between you two!"

Kai went back under the sheet hiding totally from Boris's view. The violet haired was actually fuming and ready to kill the slate haired when an almost hight-pitched voice interrupted his movements.

"Boris! What the hell are you doing!"

"Cap…" Words refused to went out, as terrified violet eyes met cerulean wolf's ones. Fangs seemed shining through his slightly open bloody red lips. Illusion or not, the Russian team leader seemed all except a human being and ready to jump at his teammate neck.

Boris couldn't move. Nobody would have meeting a beautiful wolf ready attack his prey. That he was, just a prey. An enemy. Where it was now the crying boy he and his other teammates thought that couldn't handle his problem by himself? He would die, he knew this. The need of protecting Kai was too strong to let his captain think clear, there was just one person that could have saved him, but he was sure he was no willingly to do that.

"Wait, Yuchan!"

Yet it happened. Kai's worried voice stopped the red head dead on his tracks. The two toned haired teen was quickly on his knees on the hospital bed between the two boys. Fire and water still one in front of the other.

"Please, calm down. Is all my fault…as always…"

Kai's melodious voice domesticated the blood searching wolf, so the water started flowing again quietly. This was what his lover was now, just water, which quickly evaporated in a similar way it quickly turned back water. Who knows if he would ever turn back crystal ice…or ice crystal at least.

"Kai…"Just a minute. "Kai!"

There was no time to think, just to briefly feel. Kai lost his balance as his wounds opened again and he fell back onto the white sheets. It was like the last time, just there wasn't the cold snow behind him. The redhead was there to hold him offering him his chest to lay against.

Another thing was different. The red eyed now knew what he wasn't supposed to do…maybe for a lifetime.

Yuri seemed not notice Kai's broken expression and just took care to have his friend safely under the sheets and that he wasn't in need to have a nurse. Moreover he tried his best to not met Kai's eyes again and this made the two toned haired boy even sadder… and Boris even angrier.

"You okay now?"

Yuri's voice was nothing more than a worried whisper, maybe just a little bit more self-confident than before. He couldn't avoid Kai's eyes this time, but he decided that what he saw in Kai's eyes was just expression of the younger teen physical pain…yet again those flaming pools were too beautiful to not stare. That precious look that Kai was able to produce for him and just for him. No arrogance, no malice, just love.

"Just fine, now. Thanks…"

Kai lost himself in Yuri's touch. Cold fingers moved gently some light blue bangs fallen on his eyes and gave him a strange feeling all through his body. He was near to close his eyes and let Yuri's gentle touch soothe him when he noticed the totally confused expression the teenage above him wore. How help him? Kai didn't know. Too much pain he gave him to try something else. He had never been good at words and he couldn't touch him and show physically what he felt. How reach his heart without touch his skin?

"Yuri, Rei needed to talk to ya."

Boris's cold voice broke the romantic moment.

"Rei? Since when you talk to him, I thought he was damn mad at you. Beside that I would never allow you alone with Kai!"

Boris couldn't believe the guy sneering at him was just few seconds ago a poor lost child admiring something he thought impossible to reach. Yuri was surely a good captain. Good enough to try to separate his own private problems from his leader role. Cold and arrogant, maybe their old redhead had chances to come back to them.

"When you where here playing the mother with Kai, I make friendship with…" The lilac eyed was interrupted by a familiar unpleasant voice.

"Better say make love with."

Boris glared at Kai who looked up at him with the same glare he used before to make a joke of his friend. So faked innocent this time, so absolutely faked. It was clear that Yuri's presence affected him, because a Demolition Boy was not supposed to show when he was faking, not even in a joke. How blame him? Yuri's hand laid on his shoulder and their legs were barely separated by the light sheets. They were almost touching. Almost.

A quick glare was enough to make Kai understand he had better stay out of this. An action that made Yuri's will to stay with the boy he loved stronger all of sudden.

"Rei is really searching for you, and it wouldn't be a good thing let Kai alone now that he is awake, so I can't follow you. I'll take care he don't try to commit suicide another time, trust me."

Yuri's grin grew wider along with the small hint of impertinence written all over his face.

"Sure, you will kill him! No doubt he can't kill himself."

The cerulean eyed teen's mind was back at work thanks just few hours of sleep and Kai near him. Moreover the last experience had made him more suspicious about his friends and all the things that concerned the flame eyed boy. Trust was a word that Yuri's vocabulary didn't have anymore.

"C'mon, Yuri! If I wanted to kill him I would have done that when you two were both asleep!"

"Fuck you!"

Boris was shocked by such type of manners since the sapphire eyed teen never used such harsh language. To them at least. What the hell was with that red head? Has he really pushed him too hard this time? On a certain point of view he couldn't deny that try to almost kill someone's lover mean try to almost kill this someone itself, and no one could excuse this.

Even with Rei was the same. He lied to his friends. They were still in a bad relationship, even if they managed to cooperate in order to save their friends. He knew Rei would have played his joke when the redhead would come to him, but between them there was just an unspoken pact. He had become pretty good in lying too in just four days around him making projects to fix things between their respective captains.

Still Yuri protected Kai.

"Watch your mouth, smart ass. You know a promise is a promise?"

"Promise is a promise just when you want it to be. Why you didn't found out a way to listen to me and not that childish promise? Fine, I'll let you with Kai, but when I came back he would have better being safe or you are a dead man walking!"

Yuri's eyes turned to the silenced teen near him. His entire features seemed soften as a sweet smile curled his lips. He wanted keep himself cold and serious, but when Kai was with him he would have just stare at him and pleased him, because he knew their respective pleasures mixed as one lost himself watching the other so the other would follow quickly.

"I'll come back in a jump, honey…I swear…"

"I'll wait…"

Soft lips rested a little on Kai front head not receiving any physical answer from the slate haired. Just when Yuri turned a last time before exit the room he met two red pools of flaming sadness and need. In there he could see another time what Kai kept saying since that day… 'I'm sorry, I love you'

The door closed and the room fell silent.

"Kai, we need to talk"

Then again, harsh reality had to broke them.

TBC

Kai: Why you didn't tell me before I was still alive!

Kam: Love souspance!

Yuri (fangs ready to kill): I'd love something else!

Kam: C'mon, sweety, you knew it was just a souspance matter!

Yuri: grrr…

Kam (running away): HELP!

Kai: Please read and review, I don't know exactly if there would be another chapter after this, but we'll surely find a compromise to solve things…

Kam: I'll do everything, let me alive!


	13. Love promises

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and a rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing asks Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on. Yuri/Kai and from now on slash of Boris/Rei.

THANKS TO:

MasterFranny: Basically Boris has already forgiven Kai, but he will never admit it not even to himself. About the screwing: if you like I can make the two 'almost doing it' or 'more or less doing it', depends on what my mind produces. Just tell me. By the way… say hello to Giant Fork! Ormai è una presenza costante! Thanks a lot for your review! Keep writing and reading!

Trunks-is-the-king: Why Bry seems crazy? Anyway crazy writer means crazy character, what could I expect? My gosh, the picture of you swimming in an e-mail sea is too comical! You are too funny! Thanks a lot for your review and keep reading!

Demita: Thanks a lot for your compliment. I know, I am a genius. All right, jokes apart don't worry about asking, sincerely I'm doing my best to confuse things. Thanks you for both compliments and reviews! Keep reading!

WhiteTigress666: Not so much Kai/Yuri in this chapter, but in the next one I'm planning to use even the Yuri/Kai not used here. Thank you so much for keep reviewing and reading! Hope you like the chappy!

Sea-tiger170: You are so kind, really! Don't worry you will have your pairing. I'll put few hints here and there then I see how put bigger parts of it! Anyway this will be always mainly Yuri/Kai. Thanks a lot for your review! Keep reading!

Kija's kittikat: THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR REVIEW! Anyway I think you reviewed the wrong author…you can't really think that of me! I really don't know how to answer you properly…Just…THANKS, THANKS and again THANKS! Keep reading!

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Love promises

"We have nothing left to talk about."

Kai laid motionless in the hospital bed, his head gently reclined to his side. He tried his best to avoid Boris's glare, but he could feel his coldness even trough the clean sheets, which slightly covered his body. He wasn't in the mood to talk about his red haired angel, nonetheless with the cold lilac eyed.

His former friend, anyway, wasn't of the same advice.

"You are weak."

Boris's words hit him hard. Suddenly he turned his face to the lilac eyed not caring a bit of the oppressing feelings that afflicted him just one second before. All his broken pride was clearly shown in his pale and reddish face, and also in those beautiful flaming eyes that before simply meant love, but now held just deep resentment.

"I'm not!"

"YOU ARE!"

Kai winced at the other blader's outburst. Why the hell the always too quite monotone lilac haired would have yelled that way against him? He felt soft tears forming at the corner of his eyes, but he was determined to not let his weakness out. Kai Hiwatari was not supposed to cry…So why those cold words affected him so much? Maybe he was too much tense because of all his things every second mixing up…or maybe he was really the weak boy Boris assumed him to be.

The cold DemolitionBoy perceived clearly Kai's feelings and knew Kai's staring was the only thing he would receive as an answer from the slate haired since his great idea made the poor boy mute.

"You are weak Kai, and you have better understand it and live with it before put all of us in a big mess again. Listen to me, Kai…"

Boris's voice had melted and his tone softened, but still Kai couldn't talk or he would burst out in crying. Why was this happening to him? Has his ex-teammate…scared him? Nobody could do such a thing. Nobody. Still, that it was. Was this happening because Yuri was not near him like before? He felt so ashamed just thinking about it, so he just turned so he had his back to Boris, looking at everything but those cold lilac eyes hitting him.

"Kai, please don't make the things worse…I admit it wasn't the best choice use our teammates to hurt you, but now if I want my old captain back he has to be with you, so be cooperative."

"I'd been, to your last plane…"

Kai's voice was just slightly broken, but Boris knew that for a DemolitionBoy the situation was really worrying. For people trained in not showing a bit of emotion even a sigh was sight of weakness, and crying was just something not contemplated in their entire being. There was just one thing sure, the red eyed needed quick help or else...

Boris seated on the bed, right behind the slate haired and laid a hand on his shoulder in what was supposed to be a motherly way.

"Kaichan, please listen to me…"

A small smirk crossed Kai's lips, still the monotone voice have nothing in common with the one of a teasing person.

"You can't even say 'chan' properly, you are a failure with Japanese…"

The violet haired teen stood up and fixed his offended glare on Kai crossing arms on his chest. He knew that if the slate haired used irony that way it hadn't a good meaning, but he just couldn't deny the offence and hoped his former friend that way would notice it and make a mental note to shut up anyway.

"Hope you are happy with that" Boris rolled his eyes seeing his friend's lack of interest in what he was saying "now listen to me, since you are so weak you can't accept Yuri being what you call seme…"

The red eyed turned quickly his attention to Boris showing the violet haired a shocked expression and a red tinted face.

"What? Why are you saying that! That's not true!"

Kai's face changed his color again turning entirely pale, the only thing that stayed there was the pure shock at the revelation. Yuri was too girlish to be seme or better he has lot of 'quality' that men are used to say that are typical of a girl, like hight pitched screams, nerves…and along with that a sweetness and a intelligence that nobody could stand..

Moreover he was hot…and handsome. What was the red eyed blader? When they were children he asked Yuri that…What was the answer?

"You know it's true, even Rei thinks so. He is your best friend, isn't he? Who can know you better than him? Think about it, you had no other rational reason to demonstrate you were the leader above Yuri if not in this sexual way…"

Boris hoped Kai was listening, but he was sure the slate haired was lost in his own thoughts. Maybe it hasn't been a so good idea made his captain leave. He knew he lied saying Rei knew Kai better than anyone, because to understand the slate haired they needed both Rei and Yuri, and even that way something will be missed. His present and his past had to work hard together to recollect just a little bit of future.

Still the Japanese team captain didn't show any sights of moving, until one single word escaped his lips.

"Beautiful…"

Kai's whisper caught the lilac haired unprepared. The young boy seemed fallen in trans and not been conscious of the fact he had said something.

"What?"

"Yuri…when we were children. He said I was beautiful…I think."

Boris looked at his friend a little bit perplexed. He almost forgot Kai still had problem with his memories and was a lot confused. Maybe this was the right time to offer his help in resetting things.

"Yuri always called you beautiful as well you always called him handsome…Anyway maybe I've found out the right solution for you two…as I've always done."

Hospital waiting room----

Rei was fighting against the drink machine and seemed near to be successful. The raven haired was so concentrated in his little operation that didn't noticed a silent figure approaching him from behind. When it was just few inches from him he just hear an almost indistinct sound, but he had no time to record the information and use it.

"Hi, Rei…"

The golden eyed jumped in fear, cried hard and turned around to see who was behind him. What he met was two cold cerulean orbs looking questioningly at him in a way that was proper just to one single infamous redhead.

"Hi..Yuri…ehm, what are you doing here?"

Rei tried one of his best smiles and did his best to recompose himself. Every time he met a Demolition Boy, whoever he was, he had no chance to hear his steps and he always end up the same way. He firstly thought it was just a Kai's characteristic, but now that he knew the other Russians he had to admit it wasn't.

The most scaring of them was Yuri, but he was sure that once Kai recovered the young red head would not be zombie-like as he was those last few days. The one who seemed will always that way was probably Boris. He was in no way near to make friendship with the lilac haired, but surely he could live even with the yelling every time he came to visit. He wasn't sure the Russian could anyway.

"I just came to be sure you weren't really searching for me, sorry to have upset you. I'll be in no time back to kill my dear teammate once forever."

Yuri was in no time back on his own steps with the same nonchalance he went to Rei. The delicate hand rose as he waved quickly hello to the Chinese blader, then it rested graciously on his hip.

It took few seconds to Rei to recover both from Yuri's behaviour and the whole situation, then he remembered the arrangement with Boris .

"Wait Yuri! I was really searching for you!"

"So you two made an arrangement…I haven't told you he said you were searching for me, how come you knew that?"

Rei was at a loss of words and simply stood there with his mouth open, thinking. Yuri on his path was enjoying the moment of his triumph and the warm feeling that smirking evilly at somebody gave him.

"I guessed it…" The raven haired looked away and tried to sound sure even if he could understand that the red head was not so simple to fool around. "Anyway I really have something to tell you…about you and Kai."

The last sentence caught Yuri's attention. He was quickly back in front of the Chinese with a worried expression.

"Tell me, please…"

Rei wasn't sure of what Boris was telling Kai, but if the lilac haired acted for the two captains benefit there was one single point in which the conversation would lead. They talked a lot in these days, but usually it ended up in arguing and screaming, so he wasn't sure of the conclusion of their discussions.

"Well, the point is…"

The Chinese was again at a loss of words. How he was supposed to convince Yuri doing something he himself was not really sure about?

Back to Kai---

"Stop chatting, and tell me everything!"

The slate haired had gained back his strong will and longed for Boris to continue his explanation. The lilac haired had stared mute just few seconds in order to recollect what he had to say, but that seemed like years to the impatient slate haired teen.

"You don't have to yell, Kai. The things are quite simple and you should have understood it by yourself, thanks to the great mind you have."

Red eyes started flaming in anger as a flash of white showed how much Kai's teeth was clenched together. Why the violet eyed needed to show him his superiority? Back in the past Boris would have never used such type of attitude with him, he had always been respected and everyone obeyed at him without a single word.

Now Kai knew why the red head was so furious at his teammates. They had thrown him back at their same level and then even below just like he was an unharmed child and not a leader. Has been the same even for him? Has he shaped hate to answer to his friend's sweetness…or better to his friend's denied sweetness?

He had at the same time loved and hated Yuri when they were child because of the care Yuri always showed hit. He loved it, but also made him feel weak. When he came back and the DemolitionBoys' leader ignored him it hurt like hell and he just wanted be back to those days, but the opposites feelings still remained. Why Black Dranzer chose just one of those feelings? What all this meant?

"Stop bullshit me and talk!"

A single smirk of the lilac eyed made Kai even more irate at him.

"It's easy. You had ruined the moment of most contact that could ever exist between two people, and Yuri, who had never experimented such a thing before, has now memorized your whole range of touches as dangerous. You simply have to show him how things would end up and that you can now give him the love and the consideration he didn't perceived back that time. He was betrayed by the person he loved, you have to show him that you love him though you are a traitor."

Kai looked at the violet eyed astonished.

"Never heard such a big amount of words from your mouth, you know?"

Boris simply grinned, and Kai smirked him back.

"Anyway, you should talk in a simpler way. Let me see… You are trying to say I should make Yuri live again the same situation and this time make it right, isn't it?"

"Of course, my genius."

"You sure you are not too much 'by the book'?"

This time was Boris to be surprised by Kai's rational reaction. The boy was really amazing. How could a person be so affected thinking about what to do to solve things, but at the same time so cold when he has to criticize it?

"People in difficult situations always think they are the only one, all is against them and everything is mixed up, but from another point of view their problems are common and simpler."

"Stop this shit, Boris! You first don't believe a thing of what you are saying!"

"Stop YOUR shit and answer: are you going to do that?"

"Never!"

"Kai!"

The Japanese team captain submerged himself under the white discarded sheets that laid around him and left the lilac haired looking at nothing in particular.

Boris knew that Kai was no way near to admit he would follow his advice, but since he will do that for sure the thing didn't bothered him.

"You will do it, because you know there is no other reasonable way."

Kai freed himself from the suffocating sheet, this time yelling.

"THERE IS NO WAY…"

Back to Yuri---

"…I'M GOING TO DO THIS!"

"Yuri, be reasonable, this is the only way. If you have forgave Kai it means you trust him, so why you have to be so childish! For god's sake, is just sex with the man you love!"

The red head had both his hands on his hips and his angered face was slightly turned at his side. Rei could say the boy going to yell and scream, yet his entire body seemed restricted by invisible chains that prevented him from break down. Anyway he knew that the time Yuri open his mouth it would be to hurt the person he had in front of him. He knew to well what instinct meant.

"What you know about sex, virgin boy! You are no way close to understand how do I feel!"

That precisely. He knew the red head would have hurt him, he was prepared to this. So, why it still hurt so much?

Yuri saw Rei's broken expression, but a wolf could do nothing about it. He could do nothing. Even when Kai went to him he hasn't been able to do something. He did nothing, just like what he was. Nothing.

And for his nothing now he was condemned to be just like he was supposed to be. Once again Vorkov won. And… and… and… once again. Too many things to want to survive.

"Yuri, please, if you have this single chance don't burst it. It can't be worst!"

Rei's voice passed almost unnoticed to the Russian captain in front of him. Still…

"I'm not going to, Rei. Stop this."

Yuri's monotone voice unnerved the golden eyed blader, who tried his best to stay quiet. Yet he wasn't able to.

"You will!"

"I wont! I…I don't want, please, Rei…"

Some philosophers said everyone search for its opposite, others said everyone search for its similar. Kai and Yuri were so different, yet so similar… What would he be saying at Kai if they were in the same situation?

"So you are a coward. I expected something better from you. Maybe you are not the right boy for a strong guy like my captain…"

The matter caught instantly Yuri's attention. Deep inside himself the red head knew Rei was trying his best for him, so he owed him a try.

Rei watched the red head slowly walking away towards the corridor that led to Kai's room.

"Where are you going?"

"Where am I supposed to go?"

During the short way back to Kai, the red head caught sight of something lilac in front of him. He just rose his head that little bit that permitted his glare to follow Boris's figure 'till his neck permitted him to do passing by. Then he found himself in front of Kai's room.

Back to Rei---

Rei followed the flaming headed figure walking away then closed his golden eyes waiting for the other person he heard the steps of. This time he knew he was coming, yet he would let the other thinks he could catch him by surprise as always…at least for a little bit more.

There were just few steps between them, it was the right time to show him he was aware of his presence.

A hand rose. A paler one followed. As Boris passed by Rei their hand clasped together, then the violet haired stopped. The grip on the Chinese's hand tightened as lilac eyes met golden unsure ones.

"We had an arrangement, hadn't we?"

An almost invisible smile curled Boris's lips, but the raven haired teen's eyes were too well trained for miss it.

"Of course. I sent you Yuri, hope you talked to him."

A malicious smile and a golden tinted glare was the only answer Boris received.

"I suggested your cap to…replay the 'fact' with Kai."

The Chinese blader's cheeks had turned a little bit reddish, like a word different from 'replay the fact' came to his mind with related picture. Rei loved so much Kai to even accept to make a truce with the lilac haired, but right now Boris hoped that wasn't the only reason. Even that pure golden glare the raven haired was giving him, made his hopes realer. How he wanted ask the Chinese…but simply he couldn't.

"I expected you doing that. I did the same with your cap."

Boris was cold as usual. No emotion affected his voice, even though Rei's suspicious eyes.

"Great. Maybe this time a promise of friendship will be used to help, not to kill…"

Their hands lose and Rei walked away towards the exit where the other BladeBreakers were waiting. In the meanwhile, lilac eyes stared at his feline silhouette thinking about the golden eyed teen's last words.

"A promise of friendship…to help…"

A promise of friendship…a promise of love…

TBC

Kai: WAIT A MINUTE! I THOUGHT I WAS SEME IN THIS FICTION!

Kam: Ehm…What made you think this?

Kai: YOU WROTE KAI/YURI RIGHT…

Kam: …there?

Yuri: Mmm…I read Yuri/Kai actually…

Kai: You changed it!

Kam: Surprise!

Yuri (holding a fainted Kai): Don't worry, I'll take gooood care of the little child here…. Please read and review!


	14. Tensed feelings

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and a rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing asks Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on. Yuri/Kai and from now on slash of Boris/Rei.

THANKS TO:

WhiteTigress666: Well I was supposed to put in this chappy what you will read, the and of it and also a little Rei/Boris… too bad I wrote so much I had to divide it in more chapters… So, something R/B will surely happen even if not right now. Maybe in the next one if the goodness of the block writer help me in writing less. About Yu and Kai…you really think something like that will ever happen? THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR REVIEW! Keep reading!

MasterFranny: Still waiting for your mail, even if I'm planning on sending you one next time I'm free from classworks. Cmq, hai presente il problema dell'ultima puntata di G-rev? Ho scoperto che fanno la serie su un canale tedesco sul satellite in chiaro! Anche se non capisco nulla è sempre meglio di niente, no? Why is strange the way the chappy leads? Anyway you are always too KIND with me…always…Thanks a lot for YOUR REVIEW! Keep reading!

Demita: Well, it was supposed to broke the tension just a bit, but I'm glad you found that hilarious…This way I know what to write if 'How do you feel' ends with no review! Hope you like this chappy even if is quite…stream of consciousness! THANK YOU A LOT for you review! KEEP reading!

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Tensed feelings

Rectangular. Wooden. Neat. White. A number written in a golden band just in the centre of it.

Yuri examined another time the door of Kai's room, not so sure about what to do. The white emotionless surface seemed to hold all his answers even if he was too much unstable to read them. Or too little.

What was he supposed to do? How his body was supposed to react? Kai's eyes were magnetic and led always him were they wanted. It happened when they were children, it happened every time their eyes met…it had happened that time. But back then their emotions crashed and that magnetism made him felt as the slate haired had bounded him with steel chains. He wasn't sure he really wanted to risk that way another time.

Come in or not come in? He hadn't been able even to accept Kai's touch, do something like what Rei had suggested was just impossible.

Yuri turned and laid against the door he was previously watching. His heartbeat was every time faster just if it perceived Kai's presence thought the cold surface. The more his mind tried to stay rational and calm down, the more his heart cried to go through that damned white screen. Both Yuri and his body were left alone as the war between heart and mind continued, one wanting the red eyed boy, the other fearing him.

Sapphire eyes searched around for something which could soothe him and help him with his decision, but all around him there were just white sanitary walls with useless poster, on which were written usual slogan as 'watch the world with different eyes' or 'give your blood and you will save lots of lives'. (1)

Maybe they weren't so useless after all.

Yuri looked away and let his red flaming bangs cover softly his face. He could feel the light warm on his cold skin, but the more he rested there, the more there was another source of heat that warmed him. It seemed as his heart tried to aware the young Russian captain of his presence pumping his hot desire through his whole body.

The redhead heard laughs coming from the room next to Kai's one. Why couldn't he pass through that damned door and play the childhood good friend laughing and having fun how they were used to do? Now they could even be something more than that. Too bad there was no way for them to save things.

A couple exited the other room and one of them made a photo to the other. The light of the flash reached Yuri and illuminated for a while something next to him capturing his attention. It was the number of Kai's room on the side of the door and right below that a piece of paper in which were written just three words 'Kai Alecsandr Hiwatari' (2)

"Kai…"

Now Yuri wanted badly to die. He had considered just himself; he had totally forgotten that was Kai he was thinking about. The red eyed was so sad when he left him alone in the room. For how much he tried to deny it, he knew the reason of that sadness. Kai was no more allowed to touch Yuri, and this seemed to affect the younger blader more than anything.

Yuri had to solve things for those beautiful charming eyes he had made almost cry… those eyes now full of fear, even if that day had been so cold and uncaring. So lost.

The cerulean eyed blader took a deep breath, turned and opened the door with what was supposed to appear a self-conscious gesture.

Dark and silence.

Yuri watched quickly his watch. Seven o'clock pm. He hadn't noticed it was so late, anyway there wasn't supposed to be a blackout, so Kai should have turned on the light. Why had his younger friend protected him from any sight of light? It couldn't have gone sleeping so early, was it a trap? Surely enough it was a trap for his heart. And it would have been that way even if the lights were on, because there was a too pleasurable bait for him to not fall.

Clear eyes scanned quickly the room and found a silent figure on the bed that he could barely recognize as Kai's one thanks to the big amount of hair falling on the closed eyes and hiding entirely his face.

Red pools rose, showing the fear their owner held inside his heart. Yuri just blinked, but that simple movement seemed reassure the boy that it wasn't a nightmare. The sweetest smile the Russian team leader could ever dream about was clearly spread on the mahogany eyed teen face.

Yuri fell hypnotized by Kai's brilliant orbs, which smiled just for him, and totally forgot even to close the door.

Kai's smile grew wider and, in Yuri's eyes, even sweeter.

"Mind to close the door? People outside don't need to see how handsome I am in the darkness of the night."

Yuri's face grew redder as the blader turned quickly and closed the door in front of him.

His heartbeat was now totally out of control. To think about Kai or watch him sleep, was surely no way near to have the boy right in front of him smiling and talking to him. Not even his blood, which was now almost boiling in his veins for the need of the red eyed, would have ever given him a such astonishing sensation.

Kai was fire. A fire he couldn't stand…a fire he didn't want to stand. His entire being now just ached in need of melting down and just disappear in the beauty of those flaming eyes. Found the courage of turning back again and face his younger friend seemed just like a snowflake fighting against a huge firestorm with the help of a joking wind he itself had created.

"Yuri? What are you doing frozen there? Please, sit here next to me… I swear I won't touch you…"

Kai's voice wasn't steady and trembled slightly in fear. Almost a whisper, but at Yuri's ears seemed just sharp as a sword. An acuminate sword that sliced open his heart. Was Kai really thinking he feared being touched by him? It would never happen, because Yuri trusted Kai and loved him. Still…

Still, that it was.

He feared the red eyed…and, along with him, himself.

"I don't fear you…"

Yuri smiled at his slate haired friend in order to reassure him and walked near the bed.

Kai had no time to register his red haired beauty's lie, because Yuri's smile had just made his heart jump in his throat and obscured his whole mind. The red haired teen's walking towards him didn't help a bit. The almost military walking was softened and the oxymoronic result simply charmed him. This until his body registered the fact that another person was on the bed and sent the information to the last bit of brain currently working.

Again their eyes met, but just to separate again. It seemed nothing was left by that brief encounter, beside a reddish tint on both their cheeks.

Rei and Boris had worked hard in order to found the right solution for them, now what mattered was just…talk?

In the meanwhile just silence.

"Yuri" "Kai"

At unison the two talked and tried to face the other, just to be back on their positions two seconds after. More tensed than before. Kai had totally lost the tiny bit of courage he had gathered. He plain and simply considered ended in a failure whatever crossed Boris's mind.

"Kai, I…" Yuri wasn't of Kai's advice, but talking just wasn't his best. "Kai I…I thought that…that maybe…we could…we could try the same and make the things…different…this time…"

The Japanese team leader watched perplexed the other Russian. Was it possible that the older captain had thought just the same thing of his teammate? It was a good chance to solve things and no matter where that idea came from, if Yuri had proposed it than he was at least a little bit sure about it. There were just a little problem…

"It…it would be a honour for me, but…I don't remember a thing and…would you…"

"Yes I will" Yuri ended the sentence in one single whisper. "You mean I have to lead your…your hands, isn't it?"

Kai felt his own breath race Yuri's one in a speed battle. Calm it down seemed almost impossible and he knew that for Yuri was the same.

"Yeah, I'm sorry"

"Don't worry…"

Kai didn't heard Yuri's words, which ended lost in a deep breath right before he had to do the same thing. Tumid lips crashed with need and passion as the red haired quickly turned to the object of his desire and kissed him madly. Kai felt the soft and warm skin of Yuri's hand on his face while the other wandered behind the soft fabric of the slate haired teen's pyjamas.

Kai had his hard time trying to suppress the need to answer both the touches and the kiss and to keep still every pore of his body even if ached in need his whole mind…and not only that. He enjoyed the ministrations, but without move or talk he wasn't able to make Yuri understand that for him was the same and it would be like to go solo. Moreover Yuri would have just calmed down his nerves, but nothing more would be added to his knowledge of the flaming eyed, so the red head would have fall back in a corner again crying. Again…

The memory unnerved Kai just when Yuri succeeded in forcing his mouth open and started exploring the hot cavern in there. Hearing the moans of displeasure the red haired was quick in let go of his friend and keep still.

"I'm…I'm sorry Kai, I've forgotten you were supposed to lead this."

Yuri was at the verge of embarrass. Sapphire eyes watched lost a non existent something else as he passed nervously a hand through his hairs. Kai couldn't hide a smile at the scene.

"Don't worry, my love, I'd forgotten too anyway. Please lead my hands this time, I don't want you to left me alone."

Yuri just smiled back, then took Kai's hands and placed them on his chest. His heart winced and his entire frame slightly trembled, but he forced himself to not jerk away. After he had steadied his breath, the Russian smiled again to Kai, more to take courage for the next step than for a real happiness.

"I don't want… left myself alone too…"

Still his azure pools were fixed on Kai's flaming worried ones. Yuri felt his voice tremble even more than before, especially as he moved his lover's hands around his waist. He let them there then cupped Kai's face with his hands and started again his work with Kai's lips, this time slower.

Kai could feel the fragile body in his arms shaking and turning every time colder, so he couldn't dare to tighten the embrace around that boy he craved of for his entire life. The pain for Yuri's bad conditions was barely hided by the pleasure that provoked the cerulean eyed teen's butterfly kisses all over his face. Every time nearer to his mouth until he reached it and the wet tongue took its pleasure savouring the sweetness of his lips, his eyes being tightly shut in bliss…and fear.

"…Try…"

Was all Yuri could manage to say at this point, still keeping his lips work on. As a silent answer, when the red haired licked again Kai's lips the two toned haired boy made sure he met another tongue. Sapphire orbs quickly opened meeting red caring ones. It was just a moment, but he could actually perceive his heartbeat relax a bit from the fear and calm down. Just for a single moment.

I t was long enough anyway to give him the courage and deepen the pressure on Kai's lips and, along with that, the whole kiss. The permission of entrance was quickly given to the hesitant tongue, which gained the right to explore undisturbed his hot cavern.

As Yuri's breathing seemed to low down a bit, Kai started to answer the kiss. He could easily sense his lover's discomfort even if he was barely touching him, but he knew it was necessary. Even if he had to feel Yuri's body tremble being next to him, even if he had to feel pain moans instead of pleasure ones… even if he had to see pale face near his own wet of fear sweat and tears.

This time was Kai who decided to break the kiss.

Yuri just watched him without understanding, while his body finally enjoyed the freedom.

"Maybe we should… we should start the reply… and quit kisses. This is hurting you instead of calm you down and make you feel at your ease."

Kai's worried voice and made Yuri's lips curl in a sad smile.

"You are right" Yuri stood up and took off his jumper and the shirt under it. "preliminaries are for women."

The Russian leader seemed a little bit angry. The true was that on one hand he had tried his best to avoid reviving those moments and to gain more time to prepare himself for this. Now Kai decided they had to do it, so it would have better be quick, or else he would have burst out in crying. On the other hand…

"Yuri…I didn't meant th…"

Kai stopped dead on his tracks. It didn't matter if it was the last ray of a falling sun or the fist one of a rising moon. The only thing that mattered was that now a barely visible gleam of light illuminated the red head and he could have a full view of Yuri's naked torso even though the darkness of the room. The cerulean eyed teen noticed that and tried to hide where the ray couldn't reach him.

"Yuri, come back in the light."

Kai's voice was steady and plan this time, in a way that scared the poor cerulean eyed Russian to hell. The slate haired stood up slowly from his bed trying to not reopen his wounds.

"Here, Yuri. Don't tease me."

His red eyes flamed in resolution as he approached the young man in front of him.

"Kai, you are frightening me…Kai!"

The slate haired took Yuri's wrist and immediately the other boy made resistance. Trying to settle the terrified redhead he reached quickly the other arm and forced him on the light leaving him free just as the light illuminated the shattered form.

Yuri was bent down on his knees with his arms wrapped around his waist. He had full view anyway of the red haired blader back and what he saw didn't please him.

He could clearly see the marks of Vorkov's whip and the ones of other type of torture that were common in the abbey, but he there were others that were not supposed to be there. Violet marks on their way to become green-yellow, nails scars, biting…Those were not abbey torture's results, but his own ones.

"Sorry…"

That was all Kai could manage to say, but still Yuri didn't hear him. He didn't want to hear him, because on the other hand he didn't liked a bit people around him kept deciding for him, not even Kai. Even if he loved him.

But he loved him, and was a bad thing rebelling against people who love you. Just evil person could do that, and he was one of them.

But…

Broken.

Kai watched Yuri moving back and forth, lulling himself searching for comfort. Soft whimpers echoed in the darkness as the flaming haired teen remained there shacking totally lost. There would never be another hand for him. He was lost in a limbo and no one would have ever feel the need of his protection saving him.

All of them pitying him. All of them loving him. Just no one understanding him and telling they needed him.

"I…should have obeyed…" Yuri's voice echoed in the silent room. "I have to obey to everyone is above me…because I'm just a evil haired boy…"

Kai reached Yuri in no time and knelt down next to him. Yuri faced him with cerulean vitreous eyes that no more belonged to the great team leader the azure eyed was used to be. Why he hadn't been able to understand the boy he loved? Why he still couldn't? They were just two face of a same coin and when one was weaker the other would have been right there for him, and the same thing would have happened if the situation was reversed. Now they seemed to have lost their empathy…

Words. He could use just them now. Let's hope they can help.

"You don't have to obey if you don't want to, because nobody is above you. Because you are just too good for common people." Still no sight of light crossed those eyes almost without color. "I love you Yuri…I'm sorry if I'm so damn weaker than you…"

Kai broke down lost in crying.

Yuri blinked few times and slowly his eye started gaining their brightness back. Had Kai really told him he was weaker than him. Right now his brain wasn't working, but just that single word was enough to make his appearance less savage. Nothing was solve, but now he was sure it could exist a little hope for them and, maybe, later he would discovered if that word had really the meaning he thought he held.

Once he had properly calmed down the red haired teen burst out in a free crying in Kai's embrace, but Kai cannot show how he shared his pain but joining his crying.

"Don't cry, please. I didn't noticed you were in such of condition…believe me, I'm sorry…"

The sapphire eyed smiled at the younger blader.

"I trust you, I'm sorry I reacted that way…I wasn't myself at all…"

Sadness flowed from Kai's eyes.

"No, Yuri, this is what I did to you…I have to repay you someway, but I'm too week to do it by myself…"

Again that word, but this time he heard the sentence at all, and he liked the meaning. Yuri felt like a child and he knew that sensation would last few more minutes, so he had better use this at his advantage and trick both his body and his mind at the same time.

"Do that with me then…"

Another smile followed…along with another of Yuri's passionate kiss.

TBC

(1) Don't know around the world, but in Italy you can easily found them.

(2) I've totally invented the second name, but thinking about how Russians seems to love thousands of name (yeah, I know is a common place) it went out spontaneously. By the way for Yuri I thought about Nicolai… I think they suit them, don't they?

Kai: When are you thinking to stop make us insane?

Kam: Why am I supposed to do such a thing?

Yuri: Ever thought about have a meeting with…let me see…a psychiatrist?

Kam: Can we just stop talking with questions!

Kai: You are late to study maths…

Kam: It would have better if I had kept my big mouth shout, but since I can't erase what I've done..

Kai&Yuri(inside an ambulance for the nearer psychiatric asylum): AAGHH! Please READ and REVIEW so she will have to free us!


	15. Falling curtains and red roses

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

THANKS TO:

WhiteTigress666: Hey ya! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW! I appreciated that you liked the hesitation between them, even if I know it can get boring. Hope you like the next chappy! Don't worry they are still in a big mess, but maybe…Keep reading!

MasterFranny: GLAD TO receiving REVIEW from you, as always, my loyal one! (looks up in adoration at MF)…Discovered today that they are showing the new episodes of Yugi oh…ehm yeah, I know, kinda of weird…Hope you like the next chappy! Keep reading!

Demita: Thanks A LOT for your REVIEW! What's the meaning of smut in there? The meanings I found in my dictionary weren't helpful…if you are referring to a lemon part I'm planning it. Really sorry for the late update! Hope you like the next chapter anyway! Keep reading!

Beast protector: Wow, what a name you have! Love have NEW REVIEWERS! In this chappy some Rei/Boris, don't worry, HOPE YOU LIKE IT. So sorry for the late update, hope you will still keep reading!

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Falling curtains and red roses

----Waiting room----

"You think they did it?"

A bored lilac eyed stared at the air in front of him seated in the hospital waiting room. Next to him an equally bored raven haired was fighting with himself to keep his eyes open and don't fall asleep…losing miserably.

"If I know your captain well…no, I don't think so…"

Rei yawned and tried to focus on what he was doing…ah, yeah he was waiting. They had passed half an hour waiting, but no sound had come from Kai's room, and on his point of view they where bounded to wait another good hour waiting…just to wait another half an hour…forever waiting…

"You black cat! Wanna bet they did?"

Lilac eyes shut close in anger and self consciousness. But the proud boy had no proper answer.

"…zzz…"

"Cat!"

Turning towards the Chinese Boris found him sleeping with his mouth slightly open. Black bangs danced in the air moved by his regular breathing.

After few minutes of staring the young Russian swallowed hard. The strong teen that had fought him in the finals and the angel beside him seemed two entirely different people. Anyway there was just one thing sure: he was surprised by how different the boy seemed when he was sleeping, he wasn't staring because the Chinese was so cute right now. Or because those dark hair remembered him the beauty of the night falling on Moscow covering with its silence the screams of abbey children like him. Or because those small pink lips seemed so tempting that he almost wanted to…ehm, anyway it wasn't. Better try to wake the cat up…

…Just because he hated being ignored, of course.

"Hey, kitten…?"

Boris touched the other blader with one single finger, his will fighting with his deeper desire to keep his staring on that raven haired foreign beauty. The pressure wasn't so strong to wake Rei up, but enough to have him losing his balance and let his head slid on the Russian's shoulder.

His entire body stiffened, so the lilac eyed decided it was better don't try anything else. In this way he would have enough time to get rid of certain thoughts flowing free in his mind, an equally flowing freely amount of blood from his nose and a not so free thing between his legs.

Maybe it was just surprise.

Maybe he had also enough time to reconsider his sexual preferences…

----Vorkov's abbey-----

"So, you set everything for our upcoming guests?"

Purple hair flowed in the cold wind of Russia, as the abbey director stood in front of some women dressed up as members of the organization.

"Everything is always ready to receive two well talented young men as those two, but I thought you lost them and all the Demolition team."

The hood covering the face of the person who had just spoken fall down revealing a grinning blonde-red haired woman not so much over her thirties. Her dark eyes and her black painted lips clearly contrasted with the white skin barely tinted by the make up she had put on.

"Don't play jokes on me, woman, remember you got the chance to keep on you business just thanks to the Borg, so you have better quit the teasing."

The dark eyed woman grimaced, but stayed quiet even if her shining orbs said how resentful was against the abbey director.

"Anyway," Vorkov added. "it will be our dearest children to ask for join your team again, Layka. I've already set on the trap."

In the darkness beyond one of the other hood, appeared two flash of green.

"Miša could be a problem, Mr. Vorkov, he could be still in touch with his little brother…"

Cold grey eyes met green ones making them hide back in the security of her hood darkness.

"Don't worry about things which don't concern you, Lysanda. Do your work and you will live."

A dark silence engulfed the group of women as no one dared to say anything else. Layka was the first moving to lead the others to what they were supposed to call home. Her long clear hair waved as the harsh wind hurt her like it was Vorkov's own glare.

----Back in the hospital waiting room, half an hour later----

Golden orbs opened inquisitively as Rei realised he was sleeping with his head on Boris's shoulder and this one was now quite nervous.

"Why you'r so nerv…yawn…ous?"

Rei was still stirring when his lilac haired companion took his wrist and dragged him towards Kai's room.

"You wake up finally! I heard laughing coming ten minutes before and now they've just start that again!"

"Maybe they'r havin' fun…you perv'rted…"

Boris stopped dead on his tracks, having his sleepy pal falling ruinously after him.

"Perverted! I'm worried about my captain!"

The fall had completely wake Rei off his dream world, but also dragged him in a state of complete anger. Never wake the cat, you know.

"I would be worried if he was crying, not laughing!" The Chinese heard his own captain laugh and stared still, looking directly in Boris's lilac orbs, worry and surprise winning against anger. "Ehm, thinking about it better…since we are talking about Kai and Yuri…"

The Chinese and the Russian didn't wait any second more and rushed together at the same time in Kai's room.

A barely illuminated darkness welcomed them, thought they could have a nice view of their respective captains on the bed.

Red shining orbs smiled up at them quickly followed by a pair of sapphire ones. Kai was lying down and Yuri straddled him with both his arms and legs, just like a wolf trapping his prey.

"Hi, guys!" They laughed at them in unison "Wanna join us?"

Rei was still staring shocked, while Boris was fuming in anger not understanding what the hell was happening,

"YOU TWO! WHAT-"

The lilac haired stopped immediately as he noticed a hand where it wasn't supposed to be, barely hided by a red silk cover.

"Kai…your hand…is…"

"…around Yuri's waist? Yeah, isn't it great!"

Kai smiled at his former teammate and forced himself to sit up revealing the white suit the hospital had given him to wear. The young blader was all the way similar to the child he was when they escaped from the abbey to play with the snow that covered Moscow.

Even Yuri moved and sat in a more comfortable position taking a hold of the red cover falling after him and positioned it on his shoulders hiding his naked torso. Some of Yuri's messed hair had fallen out of shape and now their flaming shade mixed with the darker one of the cover, strongly contrasting with the white and orange trousers he still wore and the white skin beneath.

"How…" Rei barely managed to say, but he wasn't so sure if he was allowed to finish his question or the better choice was avoid it.

Two sweet smiles answered him, but in them there was a clear trace of sadness that the Chinese could just read as 'leave us live this present time just for one second more'.

Leaving Rei's question on hiatus Yuri focused back to his lilac haired teammate.

"What you wanted to say before? Come on, we don't bite!"

Boris's eyes shined in anger as he glared at Yuri first, and then at Kai. He had had enough of this show and if his two friends weren't going to stop playing just in order to protect themselves, well no one said he was supposed to allowed them to ruin their lives.

"Face the truth and don't play this comedy with me! You know what Rei wanted to say and also what I wanted! So explain us what the fuck are you doing!"

Kai closed his eyes seriously and showed Boris how little he cared about his need of explanations. On the other hand Yuri grimaced, but after that he regained his calm expression adding in it a little bit of arrogance and self confidence.

"Hey, bro, take it easy! We are not playing a comedy, we were just playing 'hide and sick'. We thought it better start regaining the thrust of two best friends, before the one of the two lovers that we have never really been. It was fun!"

Yuri smiled at them again, not noticing that Kai had opened back his eyes and was looking at him with a sad expression that those crimson flaming rose had never held.

-----Flash Back-----

Yuri freed himself from the embrace that was making him feel dizzy just because was Kai the person so close to him. He looked back at Kai reading the resignation in those slightly shining in tears rubies. A sight he couldn't stare, so he looked aside, as the silence was driving both of them near to broke down.

"I don't think I can do what Rei asked me to do. I'm too weak to solve my problems alone, but too proud to do what people suggest to me."

Kai smiled sadly at him and closed his eyes.

"Guess this is the reason for me liking you so much. My fault had been forgotten it, but I think I'd found a way to solve this things out without Boris and Rei's conspiracies."

Yuri looked at him a little bit perplexed.

"Rei pushed me in to this and Boris did the same with you, isn't it? So I was right about them."

The two toned haired teen stood up, but had to take a hold of the bed near him to not fall back on the floor. Yet he smiled back at Yuri's sweet expression.

"Guess both of us are great to understand all of the people but us, we sure made up a great pairing. What about remember the good times?"

The sky eyed Russian looked towards Kai questioningly and followed his movements as he laid down and took something from the bedside table near him. The beautiful red eyed was panting heavily and his face showed the mix of pain and fatigue he was feeling at the moment.

"You're ok?"

Yuri was quickly on his feet giving his mate his watery eyes full of concern.

"Is just…getting cold in here, isn't it?"

Crimson orbs smiled at him even thought he couldn't hide a frown and his arms were quickly moving to encircle the waist to get some warm. Between his legs laid forgotten the thing he had taken before.

His red headed companion smiled with all the love he felt for the younger blader and moved towards the shirt that the hospital had given Kai and that laid forgotten on a chair since when some nurses had come to change his bandages. He took it and placed it on the red eyed teen shoulders. To be sure that Kai was ok he took a sit next to him and encircled his shoulders with his own arms dragging the freezing boy nearer him.

"Better now? You're so sweet when you look like freezing, you know?"

Yuri buried his face in Kai's hair filling his senses with the sweet scent of vanilla and roses typical of his mate. He still didn't know how could be possible that a man smelled of roses, but if it was HIS scent everything made sense. His touch had relaxed the two toned haired visibly, but he felt that Kai's feeling of guilty need a lot of time to be erased, just like his feeling of betrayal and danger when the other boy was around.

"So, what you wanted to show me?"

Yuri's words shook Kai out of the state of pure bliss he was in. Crimson troubled eyes looked up meeting calm ice eyes and smiled at the older boy.

"Don't you remember? You got tired to use your long hair as a cover to keep me warm, so you gave me this one as a present telling me that one time your hair could have been cut off and you didn't want me freezing to death…this was your first and last present…"

Looking down at his young friend Yuri saw two images of him. One was of Kai as a child the time he gave him the red silk cover, crying hard for the joy. The other was his own image when Boris left he alone in his room after their talking about the rape, crying hard in pain embracing his own body still smelling of him beyond the metallic stink of blood.

The red haired Russian closed his eyes and shook his head trying to regain and at the same time forget some sense of reality. When he opened them back he was welcomed by the single staring of two questioning red orbs. A sweet smile was the only way to answer them.

"We were so carefree at that time, you are right Kai…I would really like came back to those years, even if it means worst treatment by Vorkov…"

Kai shook out of his friend's arms and dressed fully with the shirt Yuri gave him. Then he took the cover and glanced dangerously at him.

"It was hide and seek your favourite game back then, isn't it? Let's play!"

Yuri looked at the glaring teen with wide eyes.

"Hide and seek on a bed!"

Kai's lips curled in a tempting grin freezing Yuri to death.

"Sure! And tickling for penitence!" Kai threw on his friend's head the cover, that fall on the red headed like a curtain after a drama. "I'll get the first counting…"

-----END FLASHBACK----

Rei and Boris were totally shocked hearing such a thing. Could have really been useful play like they did when they where children in a situation like that? Kai got to touch the red haired, of course, but something didn't fit the situation, like the sad stare the slate haired gave to his companion.

"I don't think this is going to work out, anyway we'll see. Yuri, if you need to change your clots Ivan and Sergey stole something from our rooms at the abbey and brought them to the BladeBreakers apartments. Rei can watch over Kai," Lilac eyes moved towards the form of the Chinese. "is ok for you Rei?"

Rei's golden glare arose as he smiled at the Russian. Since when Boris stopped ordering to people around him? Maybe what happened had changed also the lavender haired, or maybe it just gave them the chance to know each other better. Well, if this was the real Boris, it was really a pleasant one.

"For me is ok, 'course, just if Yuri wants it."

Their gaze stared connected for some seconds more, which were enough for the other couple in the room to look at each other sighing. Yuri stood up and wore again his jumper, gaining back the attention of his other friends.

"I'd love get some rest tonight, since tomorrow we are out. Thank you Rei."

Boris and Rei were speechless. OUT!

Yuri on his hand took care of Kai covering him with the red cover and ravaging pretty well his mouth as goodnight kiss, while his hand wandered on his chest. As the kiss ended their looks entwined as they lost themselves in each other depths. For that single special moment everything was forgotten and they were just what they were supposed to be.

Two really young men that loved each other and wanted nothing else apart being together.

Sky eyes closed and Yuri turned to exit just to meet his friends still staring puzzled at him. An evil gleam sparkled in the Russian captain's glare as he smiled innocently.

"I asked Kai out. Tomorrow evening we're going on a date."

Rei kept staring at him mouth open, whilst Boris eyes flattened as his voice.

"I think it would be better to get you two a room a little bit farer from ours…See ya little kitten."

Boris exited followed by a laughing Yuri. Rei just blinked few times to be back on focus…

"Li…little kitten?"

Kai looked at his teammate grinning.

"Seems like someone had the lilac haired ice cube interested…"

The Chinese blader turned all the lights on, took a seat and made a face at his friend. How could Kai talk about ice cube falling in love after he did all this mess just for the freezing eyes of his enemy? Anyway it was not something on which he was supposed to make a joke about. Thinking about it…

"Why you were so sad when Yuri talked about your games?"

Scarlet roses faded and turned away focusing on a particular refection that the light had created on the obscured window pane. Yuri had been so fine with him, but he knew that it was pure egoism that moved him to want the red haired's happiness. He craved to touch that immaculate skin again. He begged to see again those light watery pools gazing over his body with that tenderness and concern that was characteristic just of his soul mate, the same way his flaming one buried into them losing himself.

Rei looked at his captain's suffering expression, hoping that this time his friend wasn't going to reject him again.

"Kai…"

A said smile and a cracked voice answered him.

"Just because the curtains of this show are still falling and the drama is still playing."

TBC

Kammyh: My exams are ended! I'm back!

Kai(still in the Asylum): You ended them almost three weeks ago…

Kammyh: Got problems, wanna kill me?

Yuri(grinning beyond the bars): I still would like to!

Kai(writing something):…

Kammyh?

Yuri(bent over the paper reading): '…Dears teachers, we would like you to keep Kammyh with you for another year, maybe having her have exams every day so she would have no time to write at all…'

Kammyh(trying to catch Kai destroying the bars between them): WHAT! I'LL KILL YOU!

Yuri(taking out a magical item): Hey! One time is enough! Magic item have us in a (more) love(ly) place!

Kammyh(staring as the two boys disappear in the light and whining): Hey! Why you two left me alooone! And without your clots!

Kammyh(a piece of paper fall in her hands, reading): 'Went to have a little fun. No need of clots. Back soon. Love and kisses'

Kammyh:…Looks like I'll have to do all by myself, this time. Well, Kammyh is here all alone and if she has enough review she promises a good lemon for the next chapter, of course if you want it! Please **READ AND REVIEW**!


	16. Nevermind, shounen ai

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. Sexual implication that could be described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on. By the way…Kammyh and MasterFranny's nonsense at the end of the chapter, if you aren't mentally instable as we are…well you should not read…

Kam: Well, if promise a lemon produces so many reviews…

Kam (evil grin on her face)

Yuri: Shut it and write!

PRE-WARNINGS: LEMON IN CHAPTER SEVENTEEN, DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!

LOTS OF THANKS TO…:

**Curtis zidane ziraa**: Hope you will like the next one even if lemon is not here. Keep reviewing!

**FireanIce**: From now on I promise to update regularly I've already started the 17th! Really glad you liked my story, keep reading!

**WhiteTigress666:** Date in this, lemon in the next. I really couldn't make them in the same chappy, I'm sorry. Maybe it will be up next week-end. Really glad you liked that, please keep reading!

**Aries1391**: Really glad you liked it! Lemon will be updated soon, keep reading!

**Catseye77:** I think the same about lemon, hehe…hope you will like the next chappies too! Keep reading!

**MasterFranny:** well you already discovered why there is always something behind the curtains for my guys! Keep reading?

**Demita**: Hope you had good holydays then! In the meanwhile I already started university…It is destroying me…Really glad you liked Bry! More Tala/Kai in this chappy even if I couldn't let him all alone. He he…Keep reading!

**Beast Protector**: Don't tell me…anyway _from now on sunrise of fall there is gonna be a_ giant fork _in the_ dark that will kill me if I don't update regularly, so hope there won't be so long writing gap for my story. There will be something more for Bry and Rei and it will be a little easier for Kai and Tala…but not for so long…Keep reading and take care of you too!

…YOU REALLY MADE MY DAY!

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Never mind, shonen ai

---Blade Breakers apartments---

"Yuri, mind to tell us what are you doing?"

The red haired stopped looking at the mirror in front of him and stared questioningly at the bored face of Takao, who was nearly laying on the seat he was on. The grey eyed boy had followed with bored eyes every single step the Russian had made and the counter of which in the last hour had stopped since Yuri had placed himself in front of that reflecting thing.

"Well, what does it seem like?"

Takao's eyes flattened even more.

"…A male putting on lipstick…"

Yuri's eye twitched as he stared at the younger blader a second more before sigh and turn his attention back at the mirror. He took a little bit more of the thick substance in the small white box on his hand with his index finger and took his time to place it properly on his lips. Once he finished apply it and was satisfied with his work, the older blader decided it was the right time to answer Takao.

"It's lip-salve. You know that thing you put on lips to protect them from cold? We are in Russia, baby, don't forget it."

The sapphire eyed teen left the mirror and went towards the bed where was placed the bag in which his friends had put his stuff, hoping to find something in good shape. His every single move was controlled with suspecting eyes by the navy haired owner of the room.

"Never knew it existed even in cream and anyway I'm not a baby. The fact that I can stand your Russian cold without put make up on my lips like a girly girl it's a point for me."

Yuri simply smirked at Kai's pompous teammate keeping his eyes fixed on his bag as he continued taking out shirts, trousers and jumpers searching something appropriate.

"Always knew that you have the mind of a porcupine, and no offence to the porcupines." Yuri registered Takao glaring at him, but he purposefully ignored the fact. "Anyway Boris gave me it as a present when Vorkov told us that there would be someone new in our group. By the way…Boris! Why don't you make yourself more presentable for your kitten?"

Lilac hair appeared behind the bag. Right below them shined in treat two equally lilac eyes.

Yuri tried to calm down his teammate with one of his smiles, but obviously they hadn't the same effect they had on Kai. Moreover the angry blader was dangerously closing the little space between his face and Yuri's, gaining a terrified stare from the red haired followed by an embarrassed blush of his cheeks.

When their lips were just few inches apart and Yuri was already at the heavy breathing level, Boris changed a little his direction reaching Yuri's ear.

"Say that again and you are dead. Understood, you little…"

Takao interrupted Boris's hissing murderously in Yuri's ear. He stood up right between the two dividing them, stretched and made his way out of the room yawning.

"Actually I've heard this the entire day and Yuri is still alive…See ya…"

After Takao exited the room, the two remaining boys exchanged questioning looks.

"What's up with him now?"

Boris ignored both his anger and Yuri's question and went back laying on the bed behind the bag, so he wouldn't see Yuri while he was changing. He surely wasn't going to survive if Kai would discover that another gay boy stared at his red haired. Even if he wasn't a gay boy. He just happened to be nervous around the first person who had ever defeated him in a legal match.

Anyway it didn't mean that he actually would be restricted by anyone that wasn't himself.

A little reddish tint appeared on his cheeks when he involuntary glanced annoyed at his captain the exact moment in which the other boy was just with his boxers on. Since when seeing the redheaded while he was changing affected him? He had never had such a problem all the times they changed together in the locker room. Better try to focus on something else that surely wasn't supposed to harass him …like Takao…

"Maybe he just regret have chosen the only room with a mirror." A small grin then, curved Boris's lips. "Apart the one I've found for you two lovebirds."

Yuri had just put on a pair of black trousers, but stopped dead in his tracks and stared still at the bag behind which was laying his teammate. Since his glaring wasn't producing any visible effect in this way he threw away the main problem (otherwise called bag) and jumped on the lilac haired straddling him.

"I beg your pardon?"

Boris didn't know if was better fight his captain away or enjoy the feeling that gave him the male body of his friend naked in all but the pair of trousers… with still both their button and zip undone, so he could have had a perfect view of Yuri's extra tight short boxers.

"Captain, if you want to kill you should do it dressed…in this way you can't kill, just make someone excited…" Boris felt the other boy tense onto his chest even if those cerulean eyes where still fixed on him…how made Yuri more embarrassed just followed without the lilac haired had planned it. "…keep it in mind when you will play with your boy toy later on…"

Yuri's face turned all red as he showed himself off his team-mate, turned his back to him and finished his dressing adding a long sleeved semi transparent white shirt, then turned to face the violet haired and glared at him.

"You. Are. A. Perverted! There's no way we do such a thing, not even if we finish out five bottles of pure Russian vodka all by ourselves!"

Boris just grinned. "We will see. The keys are right there anyway."

Sky eyes followed Boris's finger and found the keys. Yuri put them quickly in his pockets murmuring a 'just in case' and then went back to Boris. The red head placed a small peck on his friend's lips then waited for Boris near the door.

"Thanks anyway. Now it's time to go."

Boris stood up and made it out the door followed by Yuri.

"It's time to go, but don't forget your jacket or you will freeze to death. We don't need a dead captain, you know."

Yuri grinned at his teammate as he took a dark leather jacket and put it on zipping it all his way, so his mouth was barely shown.

"Yes mother."

With a last grin the two made it for the taxi waiting for them downstairs.

----Hospital, Kai's room----

Meanwhile the same scene, more or less, was taking place in Kai's hospital room, where Rei laid on Kai's bed and Sergey whined for how long took the slate haired to get dressed. Moreover there where Max, Ivan and Kenny hanging around the corridors distracting the hospital personal in order to favourite Kai's escape. The first two made their job with the nurses, asking them out or stimulating their maternal sense, the other keeping Kai's doctor busy with an elaborate medical discussion.

When Yuri entered Kai's room, the younger boy had just put his own black leather jacket on, leaving the upper part unzipped so his date could see a dark necklace with the golden pendant of a phoenix tied tight around his neck. His trousers were as black as Yuri's one, but over them you could see the lower border of a red shirt.

"You look pretty cool, you know?"

At the sound of Yuri's voice, red orbs arose smiling at him.

"You look great too, you know? Just like always…"

At that both sapphire and red orbs fall, followed by an embarrassed reddish tint spreading itself right down them. Some time passed and the same embarrassed air surrounded them leaving their three team mate wonder if the date was really a good idea.

When everyone was sure that nothing more would happen, they heard Yuri taking a deep breath to gain courage…losing it all of sudden when he saw Kai biting his lower lip and his expression turning a terrified one. Was Kai…scared of him? Why he had accepted his invite if he didn't feel ready for such a thing?

"I think is better go now, is getting late."

The red haired voice shacked even though the obviously faked smile. He could feel the air moved by a crying Kai going away from him. Now and forever away from him. He waited for that and was sure it was going to happened soon, but instead Kai stared still where he was.

"Yeah, let's go…"

Yuri tried to ignore the sadness in Kai's voice as he took his hand and carefully dragged him out of there with no one interrupting them. Out of the hospital the taxi was there, waiting for them.

Once in there it took his way with no one telling him where to go.

"Yuri…"

Kai scared eyes met two calm clear ones reassuring him.

"I told him before where to go…I want it to be a surprise for you…"

The two toned haired boy looked away and rested his hands on his lap.

"Kai?" Yuri tried to find the beautiful red pools he loved so much in the darkness of the light, but he found just a little diamond shining near the corner of them. He took Kai's chin in his hands and forced the other boy to stare his eyes. "Hey, you don't have to fear the abbey anymore. I'm here for you, and what happened is just a bad dream now."

Kai freed his face from Yuri's grip and glared at his companion freezing him dead.

"You want to take me in a hidden place and take revenge of what I did, isn't it?"

Kai lowered his face a bit, his expression melted by the strong feeling of guilty that devoured him for have use such an harsh language with his always loyal companion. The next thing he felt was soft lips on his own that lightly smelled of peach tasting lip gloss. Just in the end he noticed the cold hands that caressed and cupped his chin lightly wondering towards his neck.

"You really think I would do such a thing if I planned revenge on you?"

Kai was still lost in the magical world the kiss had driven him in. His mind felt light and all he craved for was the touch of the red headed and the chance of touch him back. No matter what this would lead to, the only thing that matter was have one chance on a million to have that touch back, the touch that he wanted to share with the boy he loved. No, the only thing that mattered right now was just the red head next to him.

His head felt full of everything and nothing at the same time and seemed to find some pace just when he placed it on Yuri's shoulders, gaining the sapphire eyed tightening his embrace around him. How the older boy had got his arm around his waist was still a mystery. Anyway that was the only answer he could give his companion…the only answer he was going to allow himself to give.

Back to the BladeBreakers apartments

"What do you think about all this?"

Takao's flattened eyes stared annoyed at Max's ones concentrated on his own juice. The azure pair arose questioningly.

"About what? Kai and Yuri being gay? Kai and Yuri being in love with each other? Kai raping Yuri? Half of our teams going crazy?" Max stopped hearing a loud TUNF! in the room in which were supposed to be Boris and Rei. "Rei and Boris making a lot of noise being alone in that room for almost an hour?"

Takao froze at each of Max's statements and it took him a lot of time considering the various things that had happened those days and that Max had carefully enumerated. Actually it was hard to say which of them was what left him more distressed.

"What do you think they are doing in there? I'm sure they are beyblading…"

A loud "FUCK!" by what seemed them to be Boris's voice echoed in the room gaining a bit of consideration just when they realised that Driger and Falborg laid together on the table kitchen.

"I told you to push harder! What are you! A pussy cat!"

Both Takao's and Max's eyes widened as their attention turned to the door that separated Rei's voice from them.

"What? Pussy cat? It wasn't like you little kitten did better when was your turn!"

Takao went straight to the door and opened that with his entire strength followed by a still shocked Max. He could understood Rei and Boris all alone in a room, but surely the Chinese calling the stoic violent violet haired blader pussy cat was something beyond every genre of imagination.

"WHAT…"

What the Japanese blader was going to say went lost in the air as he felt just like the word had just started spinning around in the opposite direction as he was supposed to do.

"Damn you Kinomiya! You made me lose!"

Takao looked in pure distress at the two boys playing flipper in front of him. The Russian one was relaxed on a chair in front of the game, while the Chinese straddled the machine hiding part of the player view. Both seemed really really involved in what they were doing…in which way, Takao dunned.

"Where do you get this flipper?"

"It is part of the few indemnities we take from Vorkov by ourselves. Since we went in the abbey to take our clots, we thought it could be appropriate take some other souvenirs." Boris smirked at the navy haired blader. "This was in the storehouse, with the other things confiscated from the people who didn't pay the proper part to the abbey."

Boris's voice was calm as he was talking about how cold was in Russia during the winter, but the other people in the room weren't of the same advice.

"You mean that Vorkov is in such illegal stuff?"

Lilac questioning eyes looked up barely understanding the astonished glares he was receiving from everywhere. Boris decided to seat more comfortably on his seat and indicated other two chairs next to his for the other two BladeBreakers. He knew too better that Rei liked his actual seat on the flipper, so he let the raven haired where he was.

"Prostitution, black market, drugs, killing, illegal experiments, chemical weapons selling, night clubs …everything you can imagine it has the abbey and Vorkov as its centre here around."

"Actually night club isn't illegal…I mean…"

Max was cut short by the lilac haired glaring deadly at him.

"It is when who works in there doesn't want doing it. And when I mean people I intend children, girls, boys, men and women. At different levels every single person who becomes abbey's property means money. An organization like the one in which we get involved with needs always money and Kai's grandfather's money isn't enough."

Boris's tone was at every moment more affected, even if it maintained his usual calm and coldness.

"Well, since the things are this way, you can call yourself lucky to be chosen as a blader."

Rei regret what he had said the same moment he said it, as he saw Boris's eyes grew sad. The Russian looked aside to not be considered weak by his former enemies, but everyone in there clearly figured it out. Strangely enough even the coldest of the DemolitionBoys was a quite normal teenager who feared and felt emotions like everyone else…even if they weren't totally sure about what had made Boris react that way.

"This would be true if I was classified as a common blader, but the DemolitionBoys are not." The lilac haired took his chance to breathe deeply and calm himself up. Violet eyes again were there to stand everyone's glare. "We are trained for everything and when the abbey really needs money Kai's grandfather use his contacts in order to find out the best market in those days and use us to take advantage in it. Dealing, killing, rubbing, every one of us is the best in everything." Boris waited a second more to lock his eyes with the ones of the other occupant of the room.

"Even Kai is just like us. He has not ended his training for killing, but he is trained like us in everything else. Even if he went away when he was young, the abbey had already turned him in a demolition boy..."

The Breakers were totally frozen by that revelation. A cold shiver insinuated deep between their bones spreading all in their entire bodies.

They knew that what was going on in that place was nothing of pure and lawful, but they surely didn't expect such a thing. Maybe know they were ready to understand what was in their friend's heart that had leaded him to break a strong boy as Yuri was. Especially when he loved him.

All of the boys that they got accustomed once to call enemy were now nothing more than children used to be used. Nobody had ever cared about them, so they could easily explain Kai's attitude towards everyone and, especially how he wasn't experienced enough to express love not only to them, but also to someone who was as inexperienced as he was.

There were, anyway, another point in Boris's narration they were shocked to hear about. They had always trained for the fun of the game, but…

Max's eyes connected with the grey pair of Takao's and the golden ones of Rei. All of them seemed to have in mind the same question that pumped in their head.

"What do you mean with…with trained for killing?"

Max was afraid of Boris's reaction to his question, and he was quite sure that those cold lilac eyes were there to hit him in a minute. He bit his lower lip and hided that sign of fear behind his hand with a terrified expression of imminent death.

The lilac hared noticed Max's fear and decided that he could melt a bit both his tone and his glare, even because what he was going to say was crude in his own single way. Especially because it was about what they called their teammate.

"We are perfection in every single illegal affair, not just violent beyblading. Kai is too, but about killing he is not…not at all actually. He surely is better of the ordinary assassins trained by the abbey, but he is surely not at Yuri's level or mine."

There was no arrogance in hose words, just the calm of a normal matter of fact. For them, anyway, Boris was talking nonsense. To say Kai was at a certain level in killing it meant he did it enough to be classified. All this at less than ten years old.

Rei threw up his legs and encircled them with his arms hiding his face between his knees. Kai knew killing. Kai could kill easily someone. Even Yuri. He had never really understood his friend's horror for what he had done, or, better, for what he could have done. Rape and kill weren't so different after all, especially if Kai wasn't in himself as Yuri kept saying.

"You say it just like it was normal be trained like that…"

Boris gave the Chinese his wide shining eyes. Without hate, without the typical sense of superiority that more or less was DemolitionBoys's behaviour, without the weakness they saw right before in those same lilac eyes.

"Is all we know…is all we are…dominating in being dominated." Boris's eyes lowered shining slightly. "Is hard to take if you are brainwashed since when you are a child."

Lilac eyes lost themselves in the obscurity of the night out of the window as the rules taught to them appeared in order one after the other in his mind. Maybe now he was no more in the mood for a flipper game.

Back to Kai and Yuri

The taxi stopped in front of a beautiful restaurant full of lights with big glasses that showed the inside in which shined lots of candles instead of the common neon light. Yuri watched amused Kai's priceless expression as he exited the car and stared speechless at the view with his mouth slightly open.

The redhead followed soon his friend and as he closed the door behind himself the taxi disappeared in the distance, leaving the two boys alone.

"So? You like it?"

"You mean that this is the place you chose for our date?"

Kai's red eyes left the restaurant and turned to fix themselves in his partner's sapphire ones. A genuine smile was the only answer he could get from the scarlet haired.

"Yuchan…"

The scarlet eyes looked even more deeply in the other's ones were full of tears, while the now swollen lips showed the barely impressed the mark of his teeth. The show was too tempting for the red-haired to stop his impulse to kiss the young teen in front of him, but he wasn't supposed to take his pleasure right now. He had to think about solve the things with the boy in front of him before risk to ruin everything another time.

Yes, simply and clearly it was all his fault and he had to solve the things out. He was the first rejecting Kai so Kai had been bounded to reject him and fell in depression over it. So Black Dranzer won. And he ended out broken. But this was another thing. He could survive. He would survive. Survive for his Kai…just for his Kai.

"C'mon! Come and see at the inside!"

Yuri, still smiling, took Kai's hands and turned dragging a confused Kai inside the restaurant.

"You can choose if you prefer normal light or have dinner with candlelight!"

The young leader of the DemolitionBoys made the few more steps that separated them from the entry of the restaurant with his shining eyes fixed on Kai's one, not actually caring if someone could ever see them, or if he ended up against someone. When they were finally there he kissed the warm hands he had in his own cold ones and took his chance to kiss them lightly.

Yuri's action gained Kai blush a deep shade of red and made the younger blader turn his head to his side.

This time he was completely in Yuri's hands and Kai wasn't so sure he liked it at all. He had betrayed both his friend and himself, who said something wasn't planned to make him pay? He was sure it would happen…he wanted it to happen…he needed it to happen. He just felt he couldn't live with what he had done and that it was the end the story. Yuri willingly or not. He wasn't so sure anyway, he wanted to risk his redhead's heart again.

His redhead.

His redhead that after being destroyed and broken had invited him in such a beautiful and romantic place.

"Yuri, this is not a gay bar, don't tell me you really want to go inside and say 'I want have a dinner with candlelight with my pal over there'?"

The redhead stared at his fellow not quite understanding Kai's cold tone with him. He had never thought that being both boys would be a problem for Kai, since he had never cared about it. But, then again, he had never had a reputation of some sort to protect.

"Never thought you would care, anyway as you wish my love."

Yuri's fake smile towards him made Kai feel even guiltier for his coldness. He never intended to hurt the Russian captain, but he could clearly feel how the older boy was quickly going to loose confidence in himself. Again.

A flash of light seemed have hit Kai's mind as another piece of past came back to his memory. When he had cornered Yuri he had assumed a cold and bold tone that had quickly shamed in a terrified and weak one. The more the redhead turned defenceless against him the more he got wild and hurt him. And he wasn't able to stop himself. Anger for see the always so proud boy he loved in such a submissive state mixed with the need of finally touch him…touch his pale skin…finally have the redhead all for himself.

How he had become a so lust driven animal? Kai's gaze searched for the other blader and found him talking with the waiter, maybe about having a seat in the neon lightened room. Why the hell had he refused the chance of being in a lightly illuminated room more or less alone with a sex toy like Yuri was!

Kai sighed and unzipped his jacket still don't quite understand what was actually happening in his mind. It ached and the pain didn't seem to be so easy to bear as it appeared when he started remembering.

"Kai, shall we go?"

Yuri noticed his friend's serious and pained face, but better than anything he noticed his slow undressing from his jacket. Now he had a full view of Kai's shirt and, unlikely he thought, it wasn't like his own. On the red semi-transparent satin there were beautiful floral embroideries in black thread. When Kai turned a bit more he had full view of the back-side and that left him totally surprised. A beautiful phoenix displayed her beautiful wings over the two toned haired teen's shoulders.

Kai's eyes were slightly closed and his head gently was reclined at his side. He was a real fire bird near to show everyone how he was beautiful when awake. And that happened. His beautiful rubies appeared and Yuri questioned about that red enchanting eyes so beautiful, but also so sad. The redhead stared at that vision with his mouth open, not realizing that the other had found out his staring and was coming towards him.

"You should close your mouth or you will waste your appetite eating mosquitoes."

A sweet smile welcomed Yuri's coming back to earth as his two toned haired friend right near him. The sadness was still there but he wasn't quite in his best psychological state to find the best way to help out his companion, he just hoped that the dinner helped it though.

He smiled back to Kai and then let the waiter lead them towards the table he had set up for them.

They took their seats and were finally left alone facing themselves.

"You had already ordered?"

Yuri was glad Kai took it far and actually hoped he wasn't ever going to make him remember what he wanted forget most of all.

"'Course not, just for me. You can choose what you want and don't care about the money, I saved all this years thinking about a situation like this. I want this to be special."

"Last dinner before dying?"

Yuri's blood froze in his veins.

"Why that? I told you I could never hurt you back-"

The red haired teen's voice stopped itself dead in its tracks. He didn't want to say what escaped from his mouth.

Hurt you back…he didn't mean to add that 'back'…now Kai would go away from him. He was going to lose him. Forever. His beautiful azure pools tried to hide behind his to longer bangs, but even if he had lowered visibly his head he could still feel a dark aura surrounding him.

"I hurt you, Yuri, don't deny it or you will suffer."

Kai's sad expression seemed to have lessened. Now the sweet smile he gave Yuri could actually being called happy.

That smile anyway made just the young captain of the DemolitionBoys really angry.

"You still think I'm going to rape you back, isn't it? Well, I want you to know I will never do such a thing! And now stop that! This is our first date!"

Kai's smile grew wider as he closed his eyes, gaining a confused expression from the cerulean haired. When the bluenette opened them they were calm as could be two still burning pieces firewood.

"I like you a lot when you act as the tough boy, just don't get too much used."

Yuri decided that was enough for him and asked the waiter for a bottle of pure Russian Vodka.

"Better start drinking, so you will finally stop talking nonsense."

"You are the one who freaks out when touched."

Yuri ignored Kai's statement and filled both their glasses of the transparent liquid. Maybe some alcohol will help…Maybe…

TBC

Kammyh: Ok, maybe this was none of my best chappy, but I had my reason.

MasterFranny(pops out and …): Wait a minute…stay right there…

Kammyh: OUCH!

MasterFranny: I got it! I got the mosquito! But…I think it is still on your hair…

Kammyh: AAAAGGHH!

(Kammyh freaks out and start screaming against MF and her stupid idea of trying to kill a mosquito smashing a piece of paper on her hair)

Kai&Yuri: Hard cohabitation…Read and make Kammyh happy…

MF(actually written by her): we are actually **sharing** an apartment… we started university together… ehm… let's say this, you review this, or else you'll have to face the massive wrath of the well known Giant Fork, which is now lurking around Kammyh's place waiting for her to start the new fic she told me about… so I can happily use it against all of you… mwahahahahahahahaha cackles evilly because she really means it…

Mf calms down, thinks a moment, then: well, you will have to grow accustomed to such ending scene… I am going to come up eventually a lot with my own comments… hee hee evil is good, **I** am good…

Kammyh sweatdrops

Kai&Yuri: Two bashing fangirls instead of one…great…


	17. At the edge of real the birds fly away

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. SEXUAL IMPLICATIONS AND LEMON that ARE described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

MORE WARNINGS!LEMONLIME LIMELEMON LEMONLEMON LIMELIME LIME and LEMON!

The part of the chapter in which it takes place is SIGNALLED, so if you don't like just skip it and don't read. Again…

MORE WARNINGS!LEMONLIME LIMELEMON LEMONLEMON LIMELIME LIME and LEMON!

"..." speaking

";...;" Telephone call

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: At the edge of truth and reality the birds fly away…

Morning

Yuri woke up with a huge headache and the strong determination to not open his eyes until he had made the point of the whole situation he was in. The last thing he remembered was himself half drunk crying in Kai's arms. It was the previous night, more or less after the seventh or eighth bottle of Vodka if he didn't remembered it too bad.

They had chatted about everything and nothing almost all the night, but as they went on drinking the alcohol made him every time sadder and the discussion directed on sappy things as their feelings for each other and so on.

Not to mention what happened between them and how they both felt guilty for it. The red head was the one who kept drinking the most, and he was the first to break down.

Yuri barely remembered that talking. He had always felt how Kai was feeling and vice versa, but the separation affected their relationship and so BlackDranzer won his match. This was the conclusion they get in the end, and that was the reason why he start sobbing without a single reason. Everything else had been mysteriously erased from his memory.

Everything but Kai's reaction to that. The slate haired stared at him not knowing what he was supposed to do, being totally sidetracked by Yuri's reaction. But he held in his heart just Kai's worried beautiful red eyes…a so wonderful view as last thing to see before lose consciousness. At least he HOPED he fainted for drinking too much.

The only thing he could hope now was to open his eyes and see he was in the hotel room Boris got for them and that next to him laid the younger captain of the BladeBreakers. What a beautiful dream…Yuri couldn't even find enough strength to open his eyes to broke the beautiful mental image the thought had brought to him. Why reality was such a pain in the ass?

Something warm tightened itself around the Russian leader's slim waist. There was really someone else sleeping near him? The young redhead found that too much unreadable to be understood, so he concluded that he **HAD** to open his eyes. Something moved slowly from Yuri's upper part any seconds lower…and lower…

The redheaded grabbed firmly the thing and opened his cerulean eyes in search of the source of his distress…and pleasure.

Tightly wrapped around his slim waist there was the boy he had always dreamt to be in bed with. His cheeks were still flushed for some unknown reasons so the contrast with the two tone of blue hair resulted even more evident. The pale bare shoulder slightly touched the chin as the sleeping head gently rested on his upper chest just like a little child.

Yuri's hand rose automatically to touch the unruly locks gently spread on the white pillow and almost covering his pale unmarked face. Wait, a white pillow…His own was ice blue and he knew for sure the one in Kai's room was flaming red, so, where the fuck they were!

Clear eyes left unwillingly Kai's sleeping face and scanned the place as he recognised the room style as the one of the hotel in which stayed the BladeBreakers. Was this the room Boris had rented for them? How had he got there?

Yuri's brain cells tried to put themselves back to work, but his headache was so strong that they found themselves not to be allowed to this sort of fatigue. The redhead closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His attention then focused back to his two toned haired companion. Mmm…maybe Kai had just found the key in his pocket when he lost consciousness. Then he had gone to sleep, and they ended up this way.

Strangely enough when the subject was Kai his brain cells found easily a way to do their job, no matter what.

Kai moved again wanting more of the redhead's body. The little movement was enough to make Yuri understand that his guessing couldn't have been right. The body, was the first of his components that registered the fact that they were both totally naked. The Russian team's captain flushed a deep shade of red from the tip of his toes up to the roots of his hairs. His hairs were already red, and he would have guessed that also his hairs would have dyed red if they weren't already so.

The mind of the redheaded captain stopped his working. The little strength he had gained back from his sleep was used for fastening his breath and stiffening his entire body…especially a part of it.

When the young teen had calmed down himself, he managed to heard the telephone on the bedside table near him, trilling he didn't knew how long.

"Hello?"

Yuri's voice didn't sound so positive since he was almost sure about who was on the other side of the line. There was just one person who knew they could have been in this hotel room, and he didn't know how plus didn't want to deal with him.

";I thought you said you would never use that key…Not even after six bottles of pure Russian vodka…;"

Yuri had enough will to just curse his teammate mentally. In the meanwhile Boris's giggling increased his headache as an answer to the current twitch of his cerulean eye. Plus now he had to try to think…

"Actually they were eight…plus another couple of flavoured one…lemon, peach, melon, exotic…"

";Yuri, if you counted four flavour then they can't be just a couple of bottle more than eight! Where the fuck you two put all that stuff! No wonder you have your brain swimming free style in vodka!;"

Boris's loud tone of voice almost ripped in two Yuri's brain.

"Fuck, Boris! If you know that, why are you screaming! My poor head!"

";Yuri, you are an alcoholic…and I'm sure you didn't go for it after all that alcohol since I heard it is an inhibitor…;"

The young red headed face, still flushed by Kai's movements, deepened of another shade of red.

"Actually I can't tell, but I don't guess you thought that right…"

A hand took the telephone from Yuri's grip leaving a still suffering from headache redhead questioning about the magical stealing.

"…actually Yuri did it just fine, leave him to me and say to the person who talked you about inhibitions to not come in our way if he want to keep his theories."

A 'CLACK' was the only thing that made Yuri realise that the owner of the thief-hand had interrupt the telephone call. He made a point to thanks properly his saviour when his headache stopped. In place of Boris's noisily giggling a more pleasurable voice disturbed him.

"So you are one of those girls that go and tell her friends about what she did the previous night with her boyfriend first thing in the morning…" Kai climbed on Yuri's stomach and appreciated the view down him as much his lover appreciated the pressure of the two toned haired teen's naked body on his own naked one. "Mmm…you want something more to tell your Boris?"

START LEMON START LEMON START LEMON START LEMON START LEMON START LEMON

Kai's smiling lips lowered and captured Yuri's ones in a soft, but heated kiss. The red haired teen's hands wandered from the well toned chest above him to the slightly shaking in passion hips.

By that time Kai had already decided that his actual position didn't allow him to more than what he was receiving from his lover, so he lightly tried to lay fully onto the other teen.

The red head stared at the catlike movements of his companion with the corner of his eye and understood quickly on his wetting mouth the reason of that change. Kai's tongue tormented his lips, but not as asking for entrance…but asking for Yuri to take the advantage.

With that simple kiss Yuri understood what his body had already discovered the previous night, but his self had never wanted to admit…he didn't want to admit it, so much that he would have preferred madness to it. Kai loved him, and wanted him to be his seme. He. Yuri Nicolai Ivanov. The little orphan risen up just to be one of Vorkov's instruments to gain power and money.

Maybe even Kai discovered it during the previous night when no one of them really considered themselves, but just what they needed. The only difference was that the red eyed boy seemed remember everything clearly (for once), whilst he didn't remember a thing.

Yuri recovered from his thoughts just thanks to the loss of heat on his mouth. When he looked up at his slate haired boy he met his big questioning red eyes full of sorrow and fear. The red haired smiled at him and when he saw his companion gain back his confidence, he decided it was the right time to do what he wanted to do. No more inhibitions, no more fear, no more misunderstanding…he hoped.

The Russian team captain reached Kai's grey hair and pressed down his head making their lips clash together. His tongue didn't find much resistance as he got free access to his lover's mouth. The battle for dominance was another matter as no one of them wanted to give up.

Yuri's free hand tightened around Kai's waist and traced his spine up to the shoulders. The red eyed teen's body shivered and weakened as his eyes closed and a muffled moan echoed in his mouth, so the red haired took his chance to reverse positions. With a shift movement he laid his mate on the white sheets still warm from the heat of his body. Kai seemed don't care about the different position, otherwise, he enjoyed the warm of the sheets on his back, but, more than that, the warm of Yuri's body pressed against his own.

They lost completely themselves in each other, but their human need of oxygen bounded them to have at least a little breath. Kai was the one most in need of it as one of Yuri's hands was back in caressing his chest, greatly affecting him as it dangerously wondered every time lower.

The red haired instead felt the urge of use more his lips on that pale, but still bruised skin. Kai was way too attractive for him to found any good reason to stop. His swollen bloody red lips lightly open in need of air, his deep fiery eyes closed in pleasure…Now he actually realised the real meaning that 'being gay' had for him. And he liked it. Who knows, maybe Kai had felt the same way about him when he was under BlackDranzer's control.

Maybe he hadn't like it as much as he was doing. Yuri stopped his staring and leant back to Kai's lips just wanting to forget about dark beys and stupid names as would always be for them the word 'gay'.

He turned a bit though, in order to reach just his lover's lips corner and allow him to breathe. Butterfly kisses mixed with small biting and darting of tongue as the red haired took his time tracing Kai's jaw line down 'till his neck and from there to his nipple.

"Yu…ri…"

Kai just managed a soft whisper that barely reached his lover's ear. Yuri anyway heard it and faced quickly back the two toned haired teen, capturing his lips and mouth in a hot kiss before allow him to speak.

"Want something?"

The red eyed teen reached Yuri's cheek and motioned for him to lean lower towards him for another kiss.

"Want you…please…"

Pale cheeks flushed in red and the same coloured pair of eyes turned to the side embarrassed hearing Yuri's soft laughing as an answer. Was the red head laughing at his weakness? Yeah, he wanted another male taking him…faster and harder! Was Yuri just doing this to unnerve him? He would do everything for the red haired…

EXPLANATION PAUSE

The previous night was too rushed actually, and he would have preferred a more romantic one. Anyway he had accepted it. He had accepted it along with the fact that he liked so much being uke, that even that way he liked it with Yuri. Even if he would be bounded to be nothing more than an object for the red haired. A real sex toy that the man he loved can use as he wished and then threw away. He was willing to allow him to do everything he wanted.

Soft tears came out of the red eyes corner wetting the white cloth of the pillow. Much to Kai's surprise Yuri's lips were right there to kiss them away as his hand founded his way across his two toned hair trying to soothe him.

"Don't cry…I'm just so happy to hear you…wanting me…please, don't cry…"

Kai gave back to Yuri his beautiful red orbs still shining from tears. Just now he realised how Yuri was turned on, even if he did nothing. It was…just his presence and participation to this that had made Yuri want him. But…

"Last night…"

Kai saw bright sky eyes turn cerulean and fall down as a little flush of embarrassment added to the no more flawless cheeks of the red head.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember a thing about last night…I was too drunk to…"

Kai's brain took some time to elaborate the information Yuri was giving him. Even if the red head was so drunk he didn't remember what happened he had never scared him. He remembered too well how he had cared for everything to be fine for both of them…he just was so damn fast in doing things.

So fast that he disturbed him, but he had never cared to ask it slower and neither Yuri had eventually inquired about it. Now he knew that back that night Yuri had no brain to think about questioning, but he was sure that if he had asked him, then again, his lover would have done it.

So…that wasn't the way his lover wanted him…In this new session Yuri was giving him more time to enjoy and he himself took his time in savouring the moment. Was this the right way to do things? They both did wrong one time. In the end they ruined their first two times. Kai felt himself sadder any time more. Something brushed against his cheek quickly followed by hot breath teasing his ear.

"It was all my fault, Kai…everything…everything…"

Kai felt his heart fall in to pieces as he herd Yuri's almost inaudible whisper. The red head had no fault in what happened between them and he didn't remember a thing, but, anyway, he was sorry. Sorry when everything started because he hadn't enough courage to go straight to him and say 'You made me a lot horny and I want you to take that useless thing you have between your legs and use it for something more useful'. Ok, maybe that would have been a little too much, but knowing the guy it would have worked quite well.

"Don't lie Yuri you had just been rush, but I'm fine. Anyway…we did wrong two times…"

Red eyes scanned the naked well toned chest in front of him. Almost every visible scar had disappeared and the skin seemed as perfect as ever. At least on the chest, since he knew that the worst injuries were on his back. His sight moved and he noticed his own hand gripped at Yuri's shoulder. His red eyes widened as he retired quickly his hand and tried to jerk away.

"Yuri!"

The sky eyed was watching curiously Kai's staring at his chest when he had to assist at his quick attempt to escape his holding. Yuri stopped his younger mate and tried to calm him down with soft kisses near his temple and forehead leading him close to his chest, but gained just the slate haired tremble in his arms.

"I've…you…"

Kai gave the red haired his big sorrowful eyes asking for him to let him go. Looking in those red orbs Yuri finally understood what had scared the hell out of Kai. He answered him with his azure smiling eyes and a sweet kiss that lasted forever on his lips.

"I'm fine, Kai. You don't have to worry about me."

LEMON IS BACK!

The red haired felt Kai calm down and relax in his arms, so he lessened the grip on the slate haired teen. Then he went back where he had been interrupted and started back his licking on Kai's nipple, trying to relax his partner with the careful work of his own hands on his lover's body.

"It will be perfect…Kai…this…will be…our…real…first time…"

Kai barely heard his mate's words that filled the short gap in Yuri's torture on his erected nipple and that gave him short trill of pleasure as the hot breath reached his wet skin. That was all he needed to feel what he had always wanted to feel. Love. Yuri's love.

His lover's attentions were all for him and without saying a word Yuri was giving him what he wanted the way he wanted. Kai's trail of thoughts interrupted quickly as the red haired assaulted his other nipple wetting in the change the pale skin between them.

All Kai's energy had been totally concentrated on trying to stay calm and keep at least a bit of self-control, but the could now barely even understand what was happening around him and how he was reacting to the intense feeling that trilled his entire body.

Yuri on the other hand was enjoying Kai's vain attempt to not give totally in and found it more exciting than even the pale fingers entangled in his hair that urged him to go lower.

When he thought that he had done a good job with the nipples he reached the medium point in his lover's chest and from there he traced a tortuous trail of saliva along Kai's muscles and scars on the well sculptured abdomen stopping just to explore his lover's navel.

As he motioned to go lower the red haired teen felt the pale body under him tremble at his touch. Yuri searched with the corner of his eyes the now totally flushed in pleasure and tension face of his lover.

He climbed up and stared at Kai's face now reclined to his side. Long light blue hair covered the now shut red eyes as pearly teeth the his lower lip so hard that it bleed.

Kai's neck so exposed to the hungry view of the red head was quickly assaulted making the slate haired turn his attention back to Yuri to try pushing him away from the most sensitive part of his body. The attempt, anyway, was totally vain as he quickly had to realise that the licking on his neck that was driving him crazy was just a diversion as one of Yuri's hands dangerously reached his things and delicately massaged them.

Yuri kept on his torturing Kai by two sides until he felt the slate haired teen's resistance almost totally weaken down, then he captured his lips and took advantage to Kai's now continuous moaning taking his time to explore every bit of his lover's hot cavern.

Kai was so lost in the pleasure Yuri was giving him that noticed with little disappointment the loss of his mate's tongue in his mouth. Anyway he had very little time to complain about it, since he quickly realised where it was right now. The red head had slide down and now his tongue and mouth replaced the fingers in playing with Kai's inner things.

The slate haired moaned louder in response and clenched Yuri's red hair harder motioning his lover to continue. A mischievous grin crossed Yuri's lips as he stopped and lightly breathed on Kai's erected cock that had been untouched for the entire time. Kai tried to suppress a low growl of frustration and to focus his lover's face down there.

He saw Yuri's playful expression and replied with an equally harmful one. He tried to buck his hips up to the red haired teen, but just gained more pain for himself since he reached his lover directly on the nose. Yuri grin turned in a slightly muffled laugh that anyway was heard by Kai. The slate haired teen searched quickly something to grab near him to help rising and left the teasing red haired to tease himself. He found just the corner of the bed side table and tried to reach it without caring more about his older mate.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

The Russian team's captain grabbed Kai's arms and cut further complaining with the accurate job of his tongue inside his lover's mouth.

With a sudden movement of his hips Yuri managed to brush lightly their things together making Kai forget everything about everything else than the red headed boy's body on his own.

A loud moan echoed in Yuri's mouth, but the young blader let it end in the open air as his lips reached another time Kai's neck near the base of the ear making his lover spread his legs wider in answer.

"You are such a naughty boy, Kai…but I'm more, since I just love…please you this way…"

Kai felt the sky eyed teen's breath on his neck, then everything stopped. Even the wandering hands that had once again left his arms to explore his body had disappeared.

The intense wave of pleasure claimed the bluenette all of sudden as he felt something hot and warm engulf him right down there. He moaned in answer at the combined job of both Yuri's mouth and hands. The red haired teen's slim fingers had found their way inside Kai and worked hard to prepare him.

The pain of the first intrusions was lessen by the blowjob Yuri was giving him, so when it finally stopped he could feel nothing more than the feeling of his every sense totally satisfied. The waiting had increased his sensibility and Kai was almost near at his release.

All of sudden all stopped again and the slate haired found his lover's mouth another time on his own making him taste himself along with the essence so typical of Yuri. Their tongue danced together for a while until they where both out of breath.

Kai craved for more of the red head's kiss and wrapped tightly his hands in Yuri's fiery mane leading him lower. The older boy barely managed to separate their lips this time for reasons that were far from his lover's strong grip. Far and, well, lower.

"Kai…you…?"

The slate haired teen seemed frustrated by Yuri still taking time before do it, but he also noticed like it was hard for the sky eyed too keep it on hiatus. There was just one thing to do. He tightened his legs around the red head slim waist and then pulled him down for another fierce kiss.

"Fuck…the shit…out of me…please."

Every single fragment of Kai's speaking had been stressed by Kai's intrusion in his lover's mouth, who could do nothing to resist the quick series of attacks.

As he heard Kai's last word, Yuri almost burst out in laughing, but managed just a little smirk during the kissing session. With a little tilt of his nose brushing against Kai's own the red head managed to stop his lover and make him look at him. His red orbs shined in lust and desire, but what affected him the most was to see in them the reflection of his sapphire ones also burning in need if the slate haired.

If eyes were soul reflections then their soul were already together…so they HAD to make it true even to their body. They had…but, as Kai's eyes were telling him, HE had to make them to be. Together.

Yuri captured his lover's lips in a quick sweet kiss as telling him to relax and forget about everything else. Another kiss followed, this time deeper, but also sweetest. The sweetest kiss Kai had ever even dreamed to receive.

The red head went in and felt Kai almost cry out in pain in his mouth. Tears now made glimmer the half closed red orbs and created two long rivers across his pale cheeks. Yuri waited there to give his lover enough time to get used to the feeling, then when Kai's crying had soften to the point it had become just a muffled moan he started to move.

Their lips never left each others until the need of breath bounded them to lessen the pressure. Just every now and then Yuri's lips get their way along his mate's jaw with quick kisses, while Kai's hands wandered down his red hair towards his neck and shoulders searching for some sort of grip.

Once he got sure Kai was fine with that, Yuri fastened his pace. Nothing left in his mind more than this slate haired lover. His movements had now become wild as he discovered how hard it was keep some sort of self-control with the exciting sound of Kai's loud moans echoing in his ears and mixing with his own.

As Kai come right between them the red head felt his lover's inner muscles tighten around him making him to follow, quickly coming inside the slate haired teen. He collapsed onto the younger boy under him and let his caresses on his head lulling him back to sleep.

END LEMON END LEMON END LEMON END LEMON END LEMON END LEMON END LEMON

Kai just rested there just content in caressing Yuri's red hair that were now spread as a sort of aura all around him. They had lost their pointness so wet they were because of the sweat, but they had conserved intact the silkiness he had always loved in them. He missed Yuri's long hair, but now he had discovered one way to have them back long (at least) 'till his shoulders.

An evil smirk crossed Kai's lips. Well if it was the only way to see Yuri's hair fall down he surely would sacrifice himself for that.

The slate haired teen laid there for what appeared to him to be just few minutes, then he felt something warm and soft tease his nipple.

"Hey, you are 'wake?"

Yuri almost purred as he tried to hide his face in Kai's chest.

"Sure I am."

The sky eyed blader then, faced his lover smiling at his clear red orbs gazing his face as he were some sort of precious pearl. (1)

"Please, play with me…"

Kai smiled sweetly at Yuri's comment and let the older boy kiss him again and again, until their breath will stop…forever.

Meanwhile to Boris and Rei

"He just hung up on me!"

"Poor little Boris, your little captain is no more under your control?"

Lilac eyes glared at the young Chinese mocking him. He was answered with wide innocent eyes that just looked at him shining in sympathy.

"Shut up kitty, actually was YOUR team captain that hung up."

Rei's golden eyes tinted of surprise.

"But…I thought it was Yuri's voice the one saying 'hello' before you pushed me away!"

"Eh…m…yeah…it…actually…was…"

The lilac haired teen flushed a deep shade of red and look away from the BladeBreaker staring at him, remembering too well what had happen before.

-FlashBack-

Rei and Boris stared at each other. Lilac eyes pierced golden ones as the last pair tried to do the same thing. Determination was written all over their faces. The two boys waited for the precise moment in which the other seemed to have enough of that staring to jump on the target.

It came, and the two boys jumped at unison wanting to win the match…and ending up smashing against each other. The target, otherwise called telephone, laid next to them as the two of them tried to recover from the impact. Lilac eyes tried to focus on where he was and identified the Chinese blader above him still shocked by the impact.

"Re…Rei…"

The trembling tone of Boris's voice made the raven haired turn out of his state and look down him. Golden eyes met lilac ones once more, but now their cheeks were tinted by a soft shade of pink. Rei climbed slowly out of the Russian blader still shaking in embarrassment. Boris, on his own, just sat up and looked away from the other guy.

The silence between them was just broken by Takao's yelling that could be clearly heard out of Rei's room.

"REI! HAVE YOU FOUND KAI! MY GOSH, IS SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING AND HE HASN'T COME BACK HOME YET! WHAT IF HAPPENED SOMETHING TO HIM! REEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII!"

Both the inhabitants of Rei's room sweatdropped and then burst out in laughing, especially remembering how Takao managed to stay up all night worried about his teammate.

"DON'T WORRY! BORIS KNOWS WHERE THEY COULD BE!"

Takao seemed have heard what Rei yelled him and have calmed down enough to found something edible in the small kitchen. In fact a loud noise of plates and dishes crashing on the floor advised them of Takao's intentions.

Rei didn't had the need of close his eyes to imagine what happen in the other room and laughed softly catching all the lilac haired teen's attention. He could pass years watching his beautiful eyes that shined in their own golden light. Since when Rei's eyes, his enemy eyes, had become beautiful? Well now he actually didn't know how and didn't care.

He remembered too well how it felt hate the whole world, because he still hated it. Everyone had been told at the abbey that each person you would met would have been your enemy, they was supposed to be cold and calculators just like the entire staff of the abbey.

Anyway existed a small whisper that ran softly in the silent abbey corridors and made them suffer from everything they had to endure, suffer for Kai's departure, suffer to his treason. No one is your natural enemy, unless you made him to be. Now he finally understood what really meant for him that whisper that accompanied them even in that noisy silence of the day in which the almighty demolition boys promised each other to be always together.

The DemolitionBoys were his family…could Rei accept to be part of it? After all the hate he had received by him?

"Hey Boris, you should be calling Yuri right now. It means I will have the honour to do that…"

The raven haired boy laughed sweetly at the Russian blader still affected by the turmoil of feelings battling in his mind and took his chance to steal the telephone and dial Yuri's room number. Boris decided to take the challenge and smiled evilly at the raven haired as he jumped on him obtaining back the target and laying almost totally above the young Chinese.

The telephone still advised the two bladers that no one was on the other side of the receiver as the two stared back in each other's eyes. Boris knew that Yuri would have been soon on line, so if he wanted to act he had to make it quick. He didn't have to lower much more to allow his lips met the pale one of the raven haired.

Boris deepened the kiss and was relieved hearing that now the telephone signalled that the connection had broken, this way he would have been able to have more time to savour Rei's lips. He let the receiver down and took hold of Rei's now flushed red cheeks, enjoying it even more when the Chinese blader started answering the kiss.

When it ended lilac and golden met another last time before look away ashamed by what they did and how they felt for that. Rei manage to seat up as Boris gave him full space to make it. The lavender eyed on the other side, decided it would be better if he acted like it was something quite normal and made his best to calm down his fastening breathing.

"Well…I told ya **I** had to make this call…"

A little blush almost invisible show his lie to the expert eyes of the raven haired, whose cheeks flushed even more redder seeing the totally unusual reaction of the 'cold' lilac haired. Boris shivered at Rei's staring and tried to concentrate back on the number that he had to dial back.

While he was waiting for an answer from his captain the Chinese reached his side and rest his head on the lilac haired teen's shoulder. I that moment an half asleep and half angry voice answered at the phone

";Hello?;"

"I thought you said you would never use that key…" Boris tried to sound normal mocking Yuri, but he surely was not in a normal state with the younger blader so near him. "Not even after six bottles of pure Russian vodka…"

Boris's affords found themselves in the end of a death end as he had to stare at Rei's innocent eyes looking not so innocently at him. Thanking Yuri's taking time to answer he covered the receiver and tried to take more distance from his younger companion.

"Mind to go and sit down on your bed as a good kitten whilst I'm dealing with the psychopathic?"

Surprisingly enough, Rei just smiled wider and went to 'sit down on his bed as a good kitten' adding a "Meeeew!" as peaceful protest to be showed away. Just later on Boris would have noticed how his face had redden in the last past minutes.

-End of flashback-

"So, what do you want to do now?"

Rei gave Boris one of his most beautiful smiles, his golden orbs shining in sweetness.

"We need time for ourselves…but quite now I think that the best thing would be telling the others that Yuri and Kai…well, are safe. You don't want be interrupted another time by a desperate Takao, don't you?"

Boris took a lot of time to register that Rei was actually telling him he had a chance with the raven haired, but after that he was quick in stood up back on his feet and smile at Rei offering him his hand. The golden eyed took it and smiled back drawing his companion out his room taking care to never let his hand go.

TBC

(1) Eh, eh…took inspiration from t.A.T.u's last CD! I just love 'Gomen nasai'(Japanese for I'm sorry but also the title of one of their beautiful songs)!

THANKS TO:

**Curtis Zidane Ziraa**: Ehm…well I can give you a flashback of it if you want…Heck! I feel a little bit predictable…Thanks a lot for your review and keep reading!

**Aries1391**: You are really too kind! I don't think I'm that good. Anyway, glad you liked it. About the sex toy: my Kai is just supposed to have moments in which hormones take advantage of his self-control, he isn't supposed to consider Yuri as meat to eat in his normal state(will I ever write him like that?). Thanks a lot for your really kind review, keep reading!

**WhiteTigress666**: Hope the chappy was good enough for you, since this is my first lemon published…Keep reading!

**Demita**: Well, I updatED slower(little bit embarrassed)…Yes, we already started uni, but we also don't have entrance exams for it, since there wasn't so much people studying there. Hope you did well! Good luck and keep reading.

**MasterFranny: **Well, how am I supposed to look at a person who starts grins evilly on my computer! You know how I feel about Ralph, so stop wining… As you see you have more ReiBoris, hope you like it. Keep reading!

**HappyTalafan**: Ok, first thing: I've read your reviews practically while you were writing them. You are shocking! Can't believe you really reviewed every single chappy. 'tragedy awaits those who seek beyblade yaoi fictions…' s gonna be one of my favourite! Just like the point about Kai's weakness and Tala being the gentlemen! I almost killed myself by laughing! Could do not so much about Ty in this chap, but I managed the little point just for you. Hope this will erase the 'ELSE', since MF proposed herself for make it for real. Keep reading!

Kam: Unsatisfied…

Boris: Why? You even made the two dancing the bed sheet tango…

Kam(puppy eyed): Booooriiiiis! The cliff! I couldn't put in there the cliff I'd planned for!

Boris(sweatdrops with a crying Kam in his arms): C'mon…don't worry…

Yuri&Kai(appears from nowhere with nothing but a T-shirt too big for them on): Since when you two became best friends!

Rei(smoking): Eh, you really want to know?

Kai: You smoking! REI!

Rei(tries to hide the cigarette, but he manages just to make the pile of paper he had in his hands fall down): Ehm…

Kai(kneel down and start looking at them blushing deeply):…

Yuri(taking away the sheets from Kai's almost loosen grip): You bad child! Those are no things for you!

Yuri(pointing poor Kam): And YOU! KAMIRAH! You corrupted them promising lots of lemon at some point!

Kam: Well, you had yours…why are you complaining?

Yuri: That's not the point! You never asked me!

Kam: Do you like being corrupted?

Yuri: I WANT MORE OF KAI AND ME! What the fk can I do to have it? I want a legal contract!

Kam(sweatdrops): 'You are scary'!

MasterFranny: That's a quote from me actually…

Kam: Ehm…yes…actually…

MF,Kai&Yuri: Stop blabbing!

MF: By the way…you gonna die…

Kam: Yaaaa! Boris! Rei!

Boris&Rei: Feed her with **_reviews_**, so every one of us will have what he need…

Yuri&Kai(a little bit annoyed):……..yeah, yes…**_read _**and **_review_**……….


	18. …’till night falls again

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Kai come back to the BladeBreakers with a strange feeling inside him. Has this something to do with what happened to Yuri at the abbey? What if an old promise made the things worse?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. SEXUAL IMPLICATIONS that ARE described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

Bejiita: Hey, you! Woman! You should be studying for your exams!

Kammyh: Oh, Vegeta! My darling! Weren't you somewhere in DBz hell?

Bejiita: I'm sorry for you, but you didn't managed to get a rid of me! I'm hard to kill and I'm still your study guardian!

Kammyh(sweatdrop): C'mon Veggie, you know I love you…C'mon give that Big Bang attack to mummy…

Bejiita: I will throw that at you if you…

Yuri: WAAAAAIIIIIT! She hasn't already ended the chappy! I wanna my yaoi!

Bejiita(puzzled expression): She finished it, kid.

Yuri(blinks blinks): Really?

Bejiita: Yeah, surely not the ficcy since she is more lazy that my son Trunks, but the chappy is ok I guess.

Yuri: Ah, really? Well you can kill her then…

Kammyh: Thanks a lot ya two…Kai!

Kai: What's make you think I'll be by your side?

Kammyh: My last wish before dying would be you and Yu want always be both seme…

Kai(thinking) 'Both seme equals fight. Fight equals getting anything.'

Kai: Dranzer!

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: …'till night falls again

-Kai&Yuri-

A loud cry echoed in the small hotel room as Kai spent himself again and fall in Yuri's protective arms, quickly there to catch him as he lost all his last energies.

"Take a note…I'll never…be taken…another…time…cowboy…style…"

Yuri smirked at Kai's reply. He had felt a little guilty being always on top of Kai last times they did, so he thought that would be an interesting chance to turn around even if he would still be the seme. He would have never thought Kai could be scared of doing it that way. He still remembered how he had tried a quick switch to make his lover feel comfortable when he discovered it, and how the slate haired protested that he was not that coward he couldn't end it the way they started and urged the sapphire eyed teen to quickly reverse position again tightening his muscles around Yuri's harden.

Now that it had ended, Kai trembled in his redhead's arms cursing his own ego. Next time he would have better to bit his tongue before decide to not end something he didn't like. Better, he would have asked Yuri to do that, since the young man surely wasn't the type to let go the chance to have his lover's tongue inside his mouth.

"Fuck! Why me!"

Kai, much to Yuri's surprise, pouted and bounced lightly on the bed burying his face in chest of the red haired teen, who had to work hard to not burst out in laughing. The slate haired glared at the other boy, but it could do nothing more than having the sky eyed actually start laughing loudly. Kai turned his face to the side and sighed sadly.

Seeing Kai's hurt expression Yuri immediately stopped laughing and tried an unspoken sorry passing his hands across his lover's thick mane. Kai showed the flaming haired teen's hands away and just rested there the way he was.

"C'mon Kai…is something between us! What…are you afraid of? For me…to tell someone that you…screamed in fear during your release because you…were afraid of being on top!"

"Shut up! I… had not!"

Kai fixed Yuri's clear orbs with his own flaming one that were full of resentment. Yuri just smiled sweetly at his lover, who stared at him open mouthed being caught by surprise. So, the redheaded took the chance to cup Kai's chin with his hands and kiss him lightly on the lips.

"You know it's this way. Just promise me you will never ask me another time to hurt you."

"I hate you..." seeing Yuri widening his eyes, Kai laughed and smiled at him. "…because you…have already caught your…breath back. You…have to teach it to me…"

They kissed another time sweetly wanting just to forget everything around them.

"There are few more things I can teach you actually…"

-BladeBreaker's apartments-

"Takao! You alive in there!"

Rei received no answer to his question. The most absolute silence dominated the entire group of apartments. He felt a small tug on his arms and turned, so his questioning gold eyes met Boris's silvery cold ones. The young Russian gave him no oral answer too, but loosed the hold of their hands and went alone searching for the missed Japanese.

The raven haired followed his slim silhouette as it disappeared behind a corner hiding him to his view. Seconds passed and he heard metal pans moving and plates crashing again. As the Chinese moved to go and see what was happening, the lilac haired appeared holding a fainted Takao with his right hand.

"Take care of the greedy cat, kitty, I go to clean the mess up."

Rei looked at Russian with wide eyes not believing in what the other boy had just said.

"You…cleaning up what Takao did?"

This time was Boris that looked at the Chinese with wide eyes. Not wanting to loose precious time anyway he ignored the question and go to the room that the BladeBreakers had let for the DemolitionBoys.

"IVAN! SERGEY!"

Blond messy and dark violet equally messed up hair appeared.

"Kak?"(1)

"Come here and clean this mess!"

Two pair of wide orbs stared at Boris traumatized.

"Hey! Why the fuck we are supposed to clean what Takao did! If you want to play the housewife do it with your…"

"I'm the vice captain, so you have to obey! Now go!"

Ivan and Sergey gritted their teeth and slowly went towards the messy kitchen.

Rei watched with amusement at the DemolitionBoys not really believing that those where the same cold and brutal enemies against which they had battled few days ago.

"How you got that?"

Boris's lilac eyes turned from his teammates to Rei giving him a sort of questioning look.

"Yuri has enough charisma to have everyone obeying him. I just have to remind him about who I'm the vice of."

Golden eyes stared at the lithe figure at his side. He had never really considered what Yuri's breaking down meant for the DemolitionBoys. He was supposed to be above everyone…even if his heath hurt. If he could play his role anymore, everyone else would have known no more what to do.

"Boris…if you love him so much, why you helped Kai stay with him after your plans for killing him failed?"

Lilac eyes lowered and stared at the floor under him. Why Rei had made him such a question? He had always thought that he only thing that mattered to the Breakers was that Kai was finally safe and happy with the person he loved, he would have never thought that one of them would actually consider what meant for them leaving their precious captain to the person who hurt him. He would have never thought such a thing would happen, not even with Rei.

"We failed, Yuri won. That's it. We can do nothing more to let him follow his heart for once. Moreover Kai is the only one who can repay what he destroyed with his own hands."

Rei was about to reach Boris' shoulder, but was distracted by Takao's moving in his arms.

-Back to Yuri&Kai-

The sound of a running shower could be heard in the background. Hot steam was finding its way out of the slightly open door of the bathroom. Too bad there was no one in.

"Mmm…Yu…water is already hot…"

Kai's words were just a murmur muffled in the hot kiss he was receiving from his lover. Yuri had pinned him against the bathroom wall with the mere excuse of 'filling the time they had to wait for the water turning warm and wash finally away all the sticky substances over their bodies'.

That would have been a good idea if they weren't going at it for almost fifteen minutes now, and the running water was almost boiling. Anyway the redhead ignored plainly Kai's protest and closed even more the already nonexistent space between them. His leg teased Kai's groin as the older blader kept pushing every time harder the smaller one against the wall.

"Mmm! Yuri…please…I'm coming right here!"

The slate haired teen could feel Kai smirking inside the kiss as strong arms held his waist and hand started caressing his back now separated from the cold wall.

"Well, why not? This would be another good reason to go and have a shower later…"

Kai had just the time to feel the sky eyed teen lying him in a more comfortable position and open wide his legs, before Yuri began placing sweet kisses on his most sensitive spots. The younger boy lost completely himself in his own pleasure world. Hot steam coating and mixing with even hotter sweat.

-Meantime at the BladeBreakers's apartments-

"Takao! Hey buddy, are you all right?"

Rei's attention turned all towards his younger teammate the exact moment he felt he was near to wake up. He saw his grey eyes slowly opening back to see the lightness of his golden eyes in a sort of confused expression.

"Gods…Rei! What happened?"

Rei's sweet smile comforted him as a sun shining in the darkness.

"I guess you went searching for food in the kitchen, but you just ended up making a big mess in there. Luckily enough Boris went to rescue you and made Sergey and Ivan start cleaning it up. You should thank the Demo…"

A well known sharp voice interrupted the raven haired.

"Thank the Demo what! You should help the Demo! You made that big mess and since you are back conscious you now move your ass and go work!"

Takao stared at the lilac haired teen as he moved towards him and then stopped right few inches from him and Rei. There was a strange light in those cold eyes that the world champ just wasn't able to recognize…it looked almost hate. It wasn't the same kind of hate the DemolitionBoy showed them at the tournament anyway, but something different… even deeper…maybe jealousy?

Mmm…he actually doubted that the falcon could even know the meaning of it...

Whatever it was it was dangerous anyway, and Takao simply wasn't able to find any reasonable explanation for that, so he answered him the only way he could think of…with his big big mouth…

"Why should I? You are just guests over here, so this is a proper way to pay back our kindness!"

Wide lilac eyes and golden orbs stared at him not believing what the younger teen had just said. Even Ivan and Sergey stopped what they were doing to stare at him offended.

The first recovering was as always Boris.

"We what! You loud mouthed…YOU did the mess! And should just shut the fuck up and thank us since we haven't already killed you!"

The young vice captain of the DemolitionBoys stepped further towards Takao, but luckily for the Breaker Rei moved between them and took a hold of the lilac haired.

"Boris, please wait…"

Those resolute golden orbs did the miracle and for some unknown reason the Russian stopped. Once Rei was sure that his new found fiend was not going to harm Takao anytime sooner, he turned to his teammate ready to scold him pretty badly.

"Now, Takao. Say you're sorry to the Demo. They had to endure lots of bad things during these last days! You are not allowed to talk to them like this!"

Rei's words seemed to hit the nerve that still made Takao still partially collected. Golden eyes could do nothing more to register the pair of grey ones that shined for the first time in what looked almost hysteria.

"Not allowed! Rei, which side are you on!"

Deep grey orbs frozen and pierced golden ones with a hatred Rei would never thing a kind guy like Takao could ever hold.

"Kai didn't come back this night! He was there alone, alone with their captain and…and he didn't come back home!"

Tears began falling down Takao's cheeks as his voice turned in a sort of desperate cry. All the other occupants of the room slightly understood what was messing up so badly the grey haired teen's mind…and they didn't like it at all.

"Takao, Kai is all right! We just phoned…"

Rei tried a desperate last time to make the Japanese blader calm down at least a little bit. Takao's behaviour was hurting him badly, especially because…he was talking freely about the fear that everyone still held in their hearts. A fear that they still couldn't face.

But Takao stopped him with a sad and resentful stare that would have made Yuri proud of him.

"WE! You and who! That little lavender haired chicken! It looks like you two are too close for comfort in these last days! You put up for sale Kai's safety for a second-rate fuck hadn't you?"

A loud slap was heard echoing in the now silent room. The DemolitionBoys could just stare at the argument between the two BladeBreakers.

Rei was crying too now. Soft tears now ran freely across his reddening face skin. After having slapped badly his teammate, who was holding his hand to his reddening cheek.

"Don't you ever dare say another time something like that! I'm Kai's best friend just like Boris is Yuri's. We would never sell out our best friends!"

Rei's golden outraged eyes stared in Takao's deep ones, which could still held their sight. The younger blader took few steps towards the teammate ad grabbed firmly his wrist.

"Rei! Can you ever hear what you are saying? Our Kai raped Yuri! Do you have any idea of what this means? Do you really think that Yuri's love can actually win over that! Or maybe Kai's! No matter how they love each other, no matter how stubborn they are, Yuri will lead Kai towards the death and Kai will do the same to Yuri! They will destroy each other! They will die Rei!"

Silence fell on the room. Even Max and Kenny, who had just entered the apartment stood there near the open door not daring to even talk. The dragon master was craving for air to reach his lungs and all them could simply hear the piercing sound of his attempts muffled by the tears that were making salty his lips and mouth. Rei could not hold his reddening orbs anymore.

Takao, their Takao, was just a simple kid who felt everything was around him with all his heart and reacted on the same way.

Rei and Boris would have never thought that what happened to their friends would have been so hard to endure for the young boy. After all Kai had always tried to keep his teammate away from him fearing that something could happen, and Yuri…well Yuri had been _the enemy_ since few days before. Takao was suffering for them both. And they knew that for Max and Kenny was just the same.

Now the Chinese and the Russian blader understood. Maybe, they should have taken care even of the younger ones...Maybe, but they had been actually too much absorbed by Kai's, Yuri's and their own problems to even think about the others. Then again, maybe the younger kids could have helped them. With their innocence. Thinking about that…Kai and Yuri, thinking with their own mind, had searched for their lost one in order to find back their lost selves.

Now Rei really felt how the pressure of his responsibility as Kai's substitute was taking over him. Now he understood why in those days he searched for help…he searched for Boris. He was not Kai and he had not even half of Kai's ability to lead a team. Maybe even for Boris was the same. Kai and Yuri were surely the perfect bladers. They had overestimated their own ability too much thinking they could take the place of their captains.

Now they had to confront the others, who were totally scared about what could happen to their friend and, what was worst of all, both of them knew that the BladeBreakers fears were correct. The same fears that held closed in their hearts the other two DemolitionBoys, the same fears that both Rei and Boris in their hearts held secretively.

They all knew that what Takao had just said was true, just they couldn't accept that. The didn't want accept that, but Takao was too far from the complicated schemes of their minds and could do nothing to erase his fears and the need to cry out of him all the pain he was feeling inside. Cry out at his teammates that were acting like they were all alone and like the weight of the whole world was over their shoulders. Telling them what they didn't want to heard.

That they weren't alone for instance.

Rei reached for his friend trembling body and hold Takao close to his chest, leaving him free to cry out everything he had kept inside himself since the beginning of this whole mess.

-Again Kai and Yusha-

Red wet hair were spread everywhere over the white pillow, sky eyes closed in pure relax. Right under his chin rested light blue and dark grey hair gently messed up by a redheaded teen's hand that casually laid there. Under them another half asleep face. Kai's hand quietly played and wondered on Yuri's well toned chest.

"I'm exhausted Yuri, you know?"

"Mm..Nnn…?"

Kai grinned satisfied at Yuri's answer. Actually he was quite happy to know that his lover had no energy left to even try a decent answer for a so hot chicken like he was. The two toned haired teen closed his eyes and took a deep breath inhaling the sweet scent of his lover. It was almost incredible how Yuri managed to keep his smell of snow around him no matter whatever could happen

When they played together as children, when they met so many years after that in front of Vorkov's eyes, when they tried to ignore themselves, when they were both covered of blood and scars, when they were making love together, when he was under the shower, now that he was sleeping peacefully…Yuri was always surrounded by that innocent aura of white snow. So fresh and delicate that he could either die or kill for it.

"…Yuri…"

The hand buried in his hair caressed him and a pair of soft lips wet his front head as he raised his face to meet the sapphire gentle eyes of his lover laying with his back to the head of the bed. A sweet smile welcomed him making him flush a deep shade of red. So naked in the arms of another man…his man…Kai could do nothing more than that.

Yuri's face softened even more and he bent down to reach Kai's lips and savour again the taste of the boy he loved mixed with his own. The red eyed blader gave in the kiss completely as he passionately kissed the redhead back, his hand caressing his lover's collarbone as their chest pressed together.

After a while they had to break out for breath and the Russian team captain caught his chance to hold his boyfriend's waist and make Kai straddle him.

"Hey you, don't you think that eight times one after the other is enough?" Kai tried to hide his nervousness playing with Yuri's fallen hair. "Well…you know…I would like to play a little bit with you too…Do you…do you want?"

Kai's totally crimson face met with an incredibly calm and smiling pale one.

"Sure."

"What!"

Wide deep red eyes stared in pure shock at sky loving ones.

"But…I…I've…"

Kai's stopped his words dead in his tracks as he saw Yuri's eyes turn cerulean and a sort of sad, but resolute light shined strangely in there. The two toned haired let his eyes fall away from his lover's face as he felt a sort of iron chain burdening his heart and make it hurt. A pale hand was there quickly anyway to rise it up.

"You don't need to tell me what you did, I've got quite a good memory…Anyway I will never get over it avoiding that…"

Yuri laid fully on the bed and wondered up searching for the crimson eyes that his lover was trying to hide from him.

"C'mon, Kai, look at my body…"

The slate haired could hear the way how Yuri's voice was slightly trembling and cracking…but he wanted this. He had to give Yuri the best experience he could have ever dreamed about. So he could forget forever about the terrible thing he had done.

Kai looked down and nodded to the redhead. Yuri took a deep breath and tightened his fits preparing himself to everything that would come.

The slate haired anyway just laid on him and kissed him passionately on the lips this time fighting for dominance and breaking it just a second before winning the upper hand. Then he rolled at Yuri's side and led him in a sitting position. Sky eyes questioned at red ones, but Kai just gave him a small peck on the lips and seated on the red haired teen's lap. He led Yuri's arms around his shoulders as he seductively started licking his lover's collarbone reaching behind him.

Kai had suddenly to stop, because Yuri tightened the grip on him and smiling nuzzled his neck leaving a small kiss on the base. The slate haired teen was enjoying the warm of Yuri's naked body behind him, but concentrated back in what he was doing and took a hold of his lover's wrist starting licking it.

It didn't show his effect soon, but slowly he felt the redhead tense and short muffled moans came from behind him. His pink lip teased even more lightly the Yuri's pale wrist and the older blader had to grasp the sheets underneath him to prevent himself from loose his balance. Kai took his chance and slowly moved to the shaking in excitement blader's side, right near his friend's clenching hand.

The red eyed teen stared lovingly at the proud Russian team captain's face, which was now visibly flushed, without stopping his lip teasing work. He had always suspected that one of Yuri's most sensitive points were the wrists, but surely he had never thought he would have excited the redhead so much. His wrists…

A blurry image of a young long haired Yuri appeared in front of him. An innocent smiling face that still confused with the one of the older boy near him, even thought his flushed face and the muffled moans he tried to suffocate.

'You 'now Kai? If you ever left me, I'll cut my wrists…'

Yuri's voice, but not the one of the trembling teen in front of him. Kai was able to see his own image double now, and a younger two toned haired teen coming near the redhead with big eyes filled of sorrow.

'Why you say so Yuri? Your wrists are so small and gracious, yet so firm and strong…mine seems near to break any time soon…'

It was lots younger than his own, but he could still recognize the childish worried voice as his own.

'Your wrists are really going to broken…one day will happen, and my heart will break with them, because it means that I hadn't been able to protect you and my promise had been just a waste, but...you know, if you left me instead…If you left me instead, my wrists won't ever be useful again…"

Sky shining eyes looked smiling at him then the images of the two kid disappeared and Yuri's cry took Kai back to earth.

"Nn?"

"Kai, please, you are torturing me! I'm getting mad!"

Kai smiled at his friend and helped him to lie down on the soft sheets. He put both Yuri's hands at the side of his red head and let him catch his breath back, kissing the sapphire eyed teen's other hand finger top during the interim.

The crimson eyed blader's free hand wondered for the other teen's cheek as Yuri's one searched for Kai's own face. Their gaze meet again full of love…the same love that they were not able to tell in words, but just show at each others like they were doing right now. Like Kai had intended to do when he searched for the redhead inside the training room…and all became dark when he saw him, the contempt in his cerulean eyes, and felt again that enchanting smell of fresh snow. Before all became black for him and Yuri. Black just like BlackDranzer, the dark bey.

Soft lips pressed together in a sweet chaste kiss and the scent of snow became even stronger. Kai left Yuri's side as he eyed something on the bedside table and decided it was just what he needed. Sky puzzled eyes followed him questioning on what crossed this time Kai's unpredictable mind. Whatever he was doing was well hidden by the two toned haired teen white and beautiful, but full of old scars back.

"Kai…?"

The red eyed blader turned giving Yuri a full view of his front side. The Russian team captain luscious eyes quickly forgot the hands on which Kai held what he had taken for have a look at a more interesting point of his well delicate but well sculptured body.

"Yuri!"

Sky eyes looked up innocently at him. Kai shook his head and went back on the bed where he straddled his lover smiling dangerously at him. Now were the red eyed teen's hands that hided the content in them. Then they separated and what was in there fell directly on Yuri's face and all around him reddening the white pillow on which his head rested.

Yuri, who had closed his eyes in fear, slowly open them back as a strong scent he didn't recognized right now tickled his nostrils.

All around him there where petals…lots of red petals…lots of red rose petals.

"Well, you forgot the vanilla if you wanted to excite me…Anyway I don't appreciate the smell of this mere material things, I want just a high quality material…like you…"

Yuri ignored his lover's puzzled look and grabbed and squeezed the red eyed teen's butt cheeks instead reaching up for his lips. Kai passed a hand between his friend hairs and gave him a small peck on the tip of his nose and his ruby questioning eyes. The red haired hided his face against the perfect and flat surface of Kai's belly.

"You smell of vanilla and roses…I like to be with you…"

His voice was muffled, but the crimson eyed teen heard it nonetheless and his face flushed completely red. The red head took his chance and quickly free one of his legs and rested it at Kai's side. The slate haired lost his balance being caught by surprise and fall on Yuri having both of them laying fully on the bed.

The Russian team captain took advantage of the situation to free his other leg so that he was now straddling Kai. In such a position the younger boy felt so embarrassed that the first thing he thought about was escape his friend's azure eyes, but Yuri showed him the right place where those beautiful ruby eyes belonged kissing Kai's face back in place.

So Kai was trapped now. The sapphire eyed teen trusted him, and seeing his own reflection in those azure pools the two toned haired felt too trapped, too bounded…too attracted to him. The younger blader kissed again his lover's lightly pink lips distracting Yuri as his hand start wandering lower…any time lower…

…lower…

Yuri's hand searched for his blue hair and caressed them looking just like snow that still oppose against the running water of a blue deep river when it abruptly turn less deep and his dark colour mixed with the lighter one it acquired near the shore.

Then the snow stopped running.

A loud noise echoed in their hotel room and brought back t the real life Kai and Yuri.

The noise was heard again and again. Yeah, their alone dream time had ended.

-Some time later at the BladeBreakers's apartments-

Rei was seated on the sofa with a sleeping Takao resting on his knees. Sometimes he still sighed in his sleep and a tear crossed his young cheek. Near the Chinese the lilac haired Russian surveyed with cold eyes whatever the sleeping kid did in that position…you know, just to be sure that his captain's lover didn't kill him if something would happen to the golden eyed.

In the kitchen Ivan and Sergey had finished to clean up the mess with the help of Kenny and Max and now they four were turning it in a big chaos again trying desperately to prepare something edible. Since Takao's outburst nobody had felt the need of talking…truthfully, the silence was really appreciated at the moment.

The phone rang in Rei's room. Golden eyes laid on the sleeping form on his knees and then at the lavender orbs of his friend, so the lilac hared went answering. Surely the Chinese had to erase his habit to ask question just looking at him with those sweet eyes. Maybe he would have stopped it if he himself, first of all, stopped understanding what he meant.

Boris disappeared in the bedroom closing the door behind him almost unconsciously, and every single pale of eyes in the room started staring at that piece of wood like it was made of pure gold.

Some time passed. The only thing they could hear was their lilac haired friend screaming in Russian.

All the stares, then, turned at the two DemolitionBoys. What they saw just confused them more.

The two Russians were pale and sweat covered their astonished face. And they had heard just part of Boris's side in the conversation.

"Hey Sergey…Ivan…"

Rei's words fell unanswered, but his almost imperceptible moment towards the Russians had been perceived by Takao that woke up. His stretching stopped even before starting as his eyes met with his friends faces.

He was just about to ask what was happening, when the Boris's voice stopped echoing in the living room. The telephone call had ended…maybe. The door opened and they all met Boris's reddening eyes.

"C'MON MOVE UP! KAI IS IN BIG SHIT!"

Just a whisper could be heard in the silence fallen inside the room.

"…Oh Gods, Kai…"

T.B.C.

(1)'What' in Russian.

LOTS OF THANKS TO…

**Happy Talafan**(brr…you're scary girl!Hope the 1shot kept you quite during the waiting), **WhiteTigress666**, **aries1391**, **Demita**, **MasterFranny**, **Tempest**(Hey, Bry told that not me! Read the whole story, your dear Boris is not so straight as he thinks), **too-lazy-to-sign-in**(eheh, guess I'll change my name in 'too lazy to update'…about Kai: well he will have lots of chances to be seme in every fiction of mine since I love riba, but this fic is made to be problematic and I still don't know how will end up)

…PLEASE KEEP READING AND REVIEWING!

Kai: HEY, YA FOOLISH GIRL, WHAT HAPPENED TO ME:

Kam: Eh eh…

Kai: GRRR! I CHANGED MY MIND! DRANZER, KILL HER!

Kam: Hey! You traitor! You forgot!

Kai: Shut up! I'll knock Yuri down so I can fuck him even if we want both be seme!

Kam(Wide eyes): MY Yuri! You can't do that…

Kai: Not now, but turned a full seme and damn horny I will!

Yuri: Hey, you two…Can I say something about?...

Kam: Hey! I understood! BlackDranzer made Kai a full seme, that's why he raped Yuri!

Kai, Yuri and all the BeyBlade chara froze and stared speechless at the authoress'stupidity.

Bejiita: Girl? You are writing this ficcy…

Kam: Oh yeah, I forgot…

Bejiita joined the BB chara in freezing and staring.

Kam(sweatdrop): Well, it seems I'm quite left alone here…Please **_Read&Review_**!


	19. kiss me goodbye

Title: HOW DO YOU FEEL, HOW DO I FEEL

Author: Kammyh

Genre: Romance/Angst even if MF would call it 'depressing…I'll kill you'

Rating: R or what's its name

Summary2: A new plan is up to get Kai and not just him. What about Yuri? Mirrors of each other, how can Yuri and Kai relate with the existent reality?

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and rhetoric writing plus Kammyh is getting bored to copy all this stuff every time. If someone doesn't believe the owner thing ask Takao Aoki.

Warnings: The story contains rape, beatings and so on, if you have problem with that DON'T READ. SEXUAL IMPLICATIONS that ARE OFTEN described, so don't like DON'T READ. YAOI. That means malexmale or male/male or MaleMale as you wish. English is not my native language (people say also Italian is not, anyway) and I'm not perfect (am I Borg/Biovolt creation?), so BE TOLERANT about mistakes and so on.

CHAPTER NINETEEN: Kiss me goodbye

All the BladeBreaker's stared at Boris as the lilac haired slammed open Rei's room door first and then the main one with a force they barely remembered the young Russian owned. They all anyway saw just his fast shadow crossing the place they were in and exit the room, but the Chinese blader could tell to recognize what seemed a totally shocked expression on his flustered face.

Rei couldn't tell what it was, but he knew for sure that it wasn't something good at all.

The other two DemolitionBoys followed their vice captain quickly and their movement helped the BladeBreakers to focus back onto the real matter. In less then a second they were all waiting in front of a closed door that Boris took care to try to bash down hard…discovering that it was already open.

"YURI! Gods…"

Boris stayed frozen on the doorstep preventing the others to enter and see what had happened. In a way he was sorry to block his friends view, but in a certain way he was glad to prevent then to see…that. For the second time, he failed protecting his best friend.

"Boris what ha…"

The raven haired had managed to get near the lilac eyed blader to shove him off his trance, but he also got the chance to see inside the hotel room. The first thing he could notice was that there was no sight of Kai. There was just Yuri inside, so messed up that he could barely recognize in him the cold leader of the Russian team he once knew. How the first impressions you have of a person can be awfully wrong, Rei had discovered pretty well in these last weeks.

Rei's voice snapped Boris back to the reality, so he stepped inside and let all the others inside.

As they got inside, anyway, they wished they had not.

Yuri was sitting at the edge of the bed, dressed with just a white bathrobe tied up so loosely around his belly that it hardly covered something of his body. His cerulean orbs stared lifeless at the door, but they didn't seem to actually see the other bladers. On his body there were luckily enough no sign of other abuses, just the old scars that at least the DemolitionBoys were used to see.

Boris had not even the strength to clench his fists. It was almost everything like the day he saw his captain right after Kai had raped him. They tried to kill Kai, they tried to forget and give Kai another chance since that time. But nothing changed. Nothing had changed at all…

"Yuri!"

The young Chinese tossed the lilac haired aside and literally threw himself towards the distressed teen. Boris had not even the energy to keep his balance and fell on the floor. He had never been a 'pushover' in neither of its meaning, but he had seen all his convictions messed up twice in less than two weeks.

He could not tolerate anymore seeing his captain in such a situation. Everything, all the things he ever believed and built is life on were disappearing like snow, better…like the water used to extinguish a fire. And even if all the water evaporates the fire is still there burning. Like his redheaded captain with Kai.

The violet haired thought let Kai to stay with Yuri to be the only solution for their problem. Both of them wanted the other, so, helping the things out should have been the right solution…and it would have worked if…

His lilac orbs turned to the bed in front of which stayed Rei with a desperate and sobbing Yuri in his arms.

"He left me…why did he…why…"

Rei's soft hand petted the unruly red hair still down and wet from both the shower and Yuri and Kai's previous activities, but the Chinese found no courage to ask the Russian what had happened between them. He had heard Kai's voice by the phone and he seemed so relaxed and happy…Why were they in this situation?

"He hasn't left you, captain…"

Boris slowly managed himself back on his feet, his lilac eyes fixed on the little he could see of the young teen on which they all had put their trust on…and that in these last days had proved how human he was in reality.

"He went away for you…because it was the right things to do. Then again…"

"Then again what? _THEN AGAIN WHAT_?"

Rei could barely take a hold of the older red haired teen as he struggled to reach his teammate and probably punch him so hard that he would bleed out his own life.

"Yuri, CALM DOWN! You said it. Then again what? What happened?"

Golden orbs stared into scared, but now slightly more relaxed cerulean orbs. Rei's heart clenched seeing what was actually just a blurred image of the distressed look the DemolitionBoys saw in those sapphire eyes after Kai's betrayal. They hurt and were hurt back at the same time. Like the ones of a frightened little kitten wet by the rain in a cold and dark night full of lights and thunders. With no one he could actually trust.

It was quite fun. Usually he was the one named as 'little kitten', he had never thought he would have said something like that to someone else. Anyway not Yuri, of all the people. He looked up in such a way, but this image was not even near at the one the DemolitionBoys had seen when he had just been raped by the person he loved. At least he hoped it wasn't happened again.

"Where is Kai? Please Yuri…"

The Russian closed his eyes and stood up; trying to get back a little bit of his dignity, but no word was spoken. The raven haired turned at the lilac eyed, but he just shook his head and walked towards his captain. He cupped Yuri's chin and made him look at him directly in his eyes.

"Captain, please…"

Yuri embraced his waist and tried to cover himself better with the bathrobe, and then he walked towards the closed window to see outside behind the curtains.

-FlashBack-

The noise was heard again.

Then again.

And again.

An annoyed Yuri moved under Kai's warm body trying to shove him off.

"C'mon Kai, let's look at who is at the door…nn…"

Kai shut Yuri up with a sweet breathtaking kiss.

"Nobody knows we are here…the sign for the room is by Boris…it will be just that damn teammate of yours…"

As Kai kept keeping his lover busy with small pecks on his lips and his hands wondered lower, the beating sound at the door kept intensifying. Disturbing the slate haired a lot.

"Ok, I'll go there and kill him."

The crimson eyed boy made an effort to sit up, but something prevented him to do so and a pair of soft lips met his, sending him directly in heaven.

"You have better not going out without any clots, you will scare someone."

Yuri smiled at him and took his bathrobe from the floor where it laid forgotten covering himself properly.

"You get dressed in the bathroom. We can't stay in bed all the day."

Kai grinned at his companion and took his own bathrobe heading for the bathroom.

"You wouldn't have been so willingly to stop if you were going to get on top."

Yuri just grinned back as Kai disappeared in the other room.

"Were you meaning every time since yesterday night?"

An 'Idiot' answered him from the bathroom. Yuri laughed at that and opened finally the door.

"Yes?"

Clear eyes widened and Yuri's smile disappeared as he saw two police officers standing outside the door with a serious expression on their faces.

"We are searching for Kai Alecsandr Hiwatari"

Straight directly to their point. No 'hi', no 'we are sorry'. And worst of all they sounded like KGB agents.

Yuri swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

"Why are you looking for him?"

"Just tell us if he is here. We have an arrest warrant on him."

Yuri's eyes widened even more as cold shiver run across his spine.

"What for! Kai did nothing! I'm not going to let you have him!"

The taller and better built of the two faced the Russian blader, but Yuri answered with a cold stare that made even the strong police office fear the cold teen. The young Russian could hear the guy swallow and his face covering of cold sweat. Yuri grinned and mentally cursed the whole Russian police staff. No one would ever get his Kai.

"So? Are you gonna leave?"

The policeman who had stayed aside made few steps further, not showing any fear for the red haired teen. That gained an angry grin of disapproval from the blader who was still going on with his cold parade.

"Hey, kid. We got orders and we'll get him. Stop this charade and give him to us."

"You have no proof!"

"You don't even know what this is about, kid!"

A malicious grin crossed Yuri's face as the policeman realized the big mistake he did.

"Then tell me. I'm waiting."

The policeman snorted, then just decided to give in.

"He is charged of have raped a boy. The name of the victim is Yuri Nicolai Ivanov."

Yuri eyes widened as fear and shock plainly displayed on his paling face and air stopped in his lungs. These cops were here because of him. His Kai was again in danger because of him. Why things had to get more complicated right now that all their problems had come to an end? Why everybody couldn't just forget them and let them alone? Why, much better…How…

How did the policemen know about what had happened?

"Well, I know for sure that no charging had come from the victim and if someone spilled it out there is no need to go on with this."

The policemen's eyes widened and the both stared at each other, then at the young redhead.

"What kinda of power you have to tell us this?"

"I've got all the powers since I'm the 'victim'. I'm Yuri Nicolai."

The two stared again at each other, and then bust out in laughing.

"What's with this laughing!"

The bigger of the two policemen gained back courage and punched lightly Yuri on the shoulder with the palm of his hand and almost managed to have the teen loose his balance.

"It's not like you are still on a legal age! Even if you are not going to charge your raper your parents or legal guardian will do it for you."

"I've any kind of parents or legal what the fuck!"

Yuri was gone hysteric and the only thing he was actually caring about was to keep his voice at a low level, so Kai wouldn't have heard the whole conversation. The only thing he obtained anyway was to make the two policemen believe he was some kind of forest savage.

"I'm sorry, but you have one. Does Vladimir Vorkov ring you a bell? If you are the real Yuri Ivanov it should."

Yuri swallowed hard and looked up weirdly at the two men.

"Actually it does, but…he isn't my legal guardian."

"He is since he is…"

"Policemen are supposed to tell nothing about the case they are up to and their victims."

A voice interrupted the man and all the three guys standing on the doorsteps talking turned to the inside of the room.

Clod, but flaming eyes. Two toned hair falling on his shoulder still wet from the quick shower he had taken. A full dressed Russian was walking slowly towards the door, a dark leather jacket in his hand.

"Kai…"

Kai reached Yuri and laid a hand on his shoulder facing him sweetly.

"Don't worry, Yuri. I'll be fine."

As the younger teen made sign to go on towards the two policemen the redheaded grabbed his hand and shoved him back inside the room.

"Don't you dare! I've nothing left but you, and you are not guilty."

Kai calmly smiled at his lover, then looked back at the two policemen.

"I'm guilty and I'm gonna swear it even in front of the judge."

His red eyes then laid sadly back on Yuri.

"Can you do the same thing? You know what the truth is."

Soft tears crossed Yuri's cheeks as Kai cupped his chin and kissed him lightly on the lips. The two policemen looked away both disgusted and embarrassed by the situation displaying in front of them.

"I'll swear everything for you…"

Yuri's words were just a whisper near Kai's lips. Loud enough to be heard by the slate haired, but not enough to be heard by the other two.

"…don't leave me. I won't let you go away with this."

Kai took few steps from the cerulean eyed teen and shook his head.

"I guess that also the usual way to be punished is a good way to expiate my faults. I need this, Yuri, I can't live with this. Try to understand me."

"Kai…"

The younger Russian turned to his lover, his eyes lightly shining.

"Wait for me if you want, otherwise find someone else to start a new live with. You will be always the only one for me anyway."

Kai held out his hands towards one of the policemen and let him put handcuffs on him. The man held him by his arm and led him away.

"Wait! Have you any idea of how is the penalty for raping! They can also kill you! KAI!"

Yuri struggled to reach his lover, but the strong arms of the other cop prevented him doing that.

"Capital punishment is not envisaged for crimes such raping and I'm also underage, don't worry about that."

Kai's calm tone shattered even more Yuri's heart as his cerulean eyes couldn't leave the shadowing figure of the man he loved…and he had never cared to tell 'I love you' to.

"KAI! KAI!"

The policemen had a hard time trying to stop Yuri and he had to shove him back in the bedroom by force, tossing him onto the bed. Once there the red haired Russian felt as if all his energy was dried and he just lied down.

Face red for the distress, clots shattered by the struggle with the policeman. As he looked up with dry watery eyes to the other occupant of the room, Yuri had to appear as really appreciable piece of hot meat.

The cop got closer to the distressed teen lightly twitching because of his dry sobs.

"Are you really the captain of the team that represents Russia all over the world? Are you even the same guy of few minutes ago? You are so pathetic."

Yuri didn't even flinch at the comment, so he got closer discovering a red cover forgotten on the floor.

"I could even rape you now and you won't even cry out anything but his name."

Cerulean eyes closed fearing what would happen. It was no problem for him if this man raped him. He was used to it now and anyway it wouldn't have been as painful as it had been with Kai. And he had said the truth. He would have just cried out Kai's name.

Despite that there weren't rough hands who found their ways on his body, but it was the soft fabric of the cover he gave Kai caressing his delicate skin.

Watery eyes opened again and stared puzzled at the policeman's ones.

"Vorkov would kill me if I touched his precious merchandise. Don't worry about the slate haired he's still worth lots of money, his grandfather will never kill him."

"Death penalty…"

The policeman laughed loudly at Yuri's vain attempt to copy Kai's statement.

"Not even your Kai is so ingenuous to actually believe that! C'mon he told you that to calm you down, but you know that if Vorkov wants him dead he wouldn't survive! Just thanks God he has still a pretty face!"

Yuri sat up discarding his clothing even more.

"Is money so, the only thing that matter!"

The policeman grinned and walked back towards the door.

"Of course it is, and you should remember what is your price…Yuri Nicolai."

The door closed behind the men's back, leaving Yuri alone in the empty room.

-END FLASHBACK-

Yuri's cerulean eyes wondered at the part of the city visible from his upper hand position at a seventh floor hotel room window. That policeman had told him to remember his price. Was it a rude way to comfort him or was it a suggestion of some sort? Was it the key to have Kai back?

"Kai…"

Yuri's sigh seemed to turn automatically in his lover's name. That cop was right, he was awfully pathetic. He had no right to represent the DemolitionBoys, maybe he had to suggest his teammate to go and find a new captain by their own.

A friendly hand snapped the redhead out of his thoughts. As he turned a pair of golden orbs met his own blurry ones.

"He will be back, don't worry."

Yuri shook his head and shoved gently aside Rei.

"He won't if I don't get there and take him by myself. Vorkov and Kai's grandfather can do everything they want."

The red haired disappeared inside the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

Rei looked at Boris hoping to find in the lilac haired a solution of some sort, but he just had to discover how the entire story had totally disoriented all his companions.

The DemolitionBoys had got closer one to the other and they could barely stay calm after what they listened to. The whole Russian police system was under the abbey's control, so if police got there it meant that they knew where they hided.

They were still safe and free just because Vorkov said so. When he would have them back, then they couldn't do anything to escape that. They were still trapped. Trapped in a game in which there were no players who was by their side and wanted them t win. The abbey needed Kai, so they got Kai back.

Right now there were Kai and their captain involved, but the abbey would have been quickly even after them. Or worst of all they would manipulate them to have both Kai and Yuri back. And then kill them. If they were useless for the abbey they would have been useless to everything. And then Kai and their captain would have been alone. Forever alone. Gods, no.

"Boris?"

Lilac eyes rose and met golden worried ones.

"What's the problem, Rei?"

"What can we do to help them?"

Boris sighed and laid a careful hand on Rei's hip managing him closer.

"Law is law. Even if it had its way just because of the abbey it doesn't mean we can do something to prevent his course. Kai's guilty, no matter what."

"But they can use this to make him something!"

Silence fell among the young bladers until al loud knock was herd. They all looked towards the still open door, their eyes fixed on the source of the noise.

Takao had still his fist clenched after having punched hardly the wall next to him, tears glimmering his eyes.

"Why can't you understand it Rei? There is no chance for us to save Kai! Not at all!"

The Japanese teen turned and quickly headed back to the BladeBreakers's apartments.

"Takao!"

Kenny ran after the Dragoon master, totally conscious of the fact that even if he could easy the things for Takao he could do nothing to solve the real matter.

The two BladeBreakers left and the three DemolitionBoys looked at each other, but no word was spoken, until they heard the bathroom door open.

Yuri was still dressed with the white bathrobe, but now he had his underwear under it.

"Yuri, why are you still dressed this way?"

"None of your business."

The lilac haired stared frozen at his captain wondering about the hidden meaning of his captain's cold mask. Icy eyes answered him as the red haired free quickly himself of his dressing.

"I'll go to save my Kai."

Both Rei and Boris tried to get closer to the red haired teen, but Yuri's azure empty eyes stopped them with a cold glare that told clearly them to go away and leave him alone.

"Captain, you can't…"

The icy eyes changed subject of staring and turned to Ian, freezing both the midget boy and Sergey. The lilac eyed teen got closer to his teammate bringing along Rei too. Moonlight eyes fixed on his best friend.

"We won't let you alone, cap."

"You will."

Yuri's eyes seemed to have become even more cold and glassy as he intensified his staring on the small group. Even if he wasn't the one at which the glare was sent Max also could clearly perceive how thick had seemed to become the air in the room and had hided behind the wall, not daring entering the room.

Since none of the DemolitionBoys plus Rei seemed intended to leave the room, Yuri walked slowly towards them. The expression of who had lost his last belonging clearly written on his face.

No sign of remaining energy could be saw in him, no energy even for crying.

Simple determination. The only thing keeping him alive. See his lover and killer just one more and steal him a last kiss. No matter if he would be able to bring him back or not.

He just wanted to kiss him and be alive again. Then he would have found out if he would have succeeded in his rescue mission or if Kai was sentenced to stay there no matter what. No matter what. No matter if it would have been a goodbye kiss. A goodbye to this world. For him and his forbidden love.

There would have been no Kai's kiss bringing him back to life by that time and his actual zombie like expression would have changed in a full dead one.

Yuri's determination could reach all the guys staring at him making him shiver in cold.

In the end Boris made sign to his companions to leave the place and the redhead stopped his walking closer. As the lilac haired closed the door behind him, he looked back at his captain with a last hopeful stare.

"Please, take care."

No answer came from the azure eyed teen and the lilac haired blader closed definitely the door, leaving a strained Yuri still standing there.

'Take care'.

Or just kiss me goodbye.

T.B.C.

THANX TO:

**aries1391**, **catseyes77**, **WhiteTigress666**, **MasterFranny**, **FireanIce**, **Too-Lazy-to**(Yuri getting his uke time…hehe..don't actually think he will now, but who knows!), **HappyTalaFan**(as you wished you have the next chappy), **ParentsApproval**(I'm Italian and every novel is written this way, I had just started that time. Don't understand what you call messy writing, can you make examples? Sometimes is supposed to be messy.), **Phoenix from the Flames-2,** **QueenOfMyths**(love your name plus the cherry on top)

Yuri: Kamirahchan, you were writing 'Fire of emotions', what's this?

Kam(crying): MF just lent me 'God Child' number 11…Caaain! My Riiiff! Why!

Kai: Actually MF even lent you that CD that remembered you of Fire…

Kam(sniffing): are you sure you want to die in the next chap of fire?

Yuri&Kai: …

Yuri&Kai: Go on with 'How'…

Boris&Rei(sweat drop): Please **_READ_&_REVIEW_** and let's hope MF won't share any other pieces of her belongings to Kammyh…

MF: Hey!

Kam: Nee Nee…they are always like this, dontcha worry…


End file.
